Honestly, you have to keep on top of this kind of thing – nip it in the bud – so I’ve put out a bucket of soapy water and I’ll ask Wilson if he’d mind washing it off later.
He can have Nërp to help him, if he likes…
17/03/2018
VANDALISM
I was taking a turn round the garden this morning when, just by the Coal Bunker, I noticed some graffiti had been sprayed on the fence!
Honestly, you have to keep on top of this kind of thing – nip it in the bud – so I’ve put out a bucket of soapy water and I’ll ask Wilson if he’d mind washing it off later.
He can have Nërp to help him, if he likes…
Honestly, you have to keep on top of this kind of thing – nip it in the bud – so I’ve put out a bucket of soapy water and I’ll ask Wilson if he’d mind washing it off later.
He can have Nërp to help him, if he likes…
16/03/2018
AN IDEA IS BORN
On another occasion, to escape the pandemonium at home, Wilson and his brother Byron took all the children out to play in the snow.
While the younger ones snowballed and built snowmen, W and ‘Biro’ had a deep discussion, and apparently hatched a brilliant scheme to be put into action when Byron comes to visit in the Summer.
I’m happy they’ve got something to look forward to, but filled with foreboding at what their idea might be…
While the younger ones snowballed and built snowmen, W and ‘Biro’ had a deep discussion, and apparently hatched a brilliant scheme to be put into action when Byron comes to visit in the Summer.
I’m happy they’ve got something to look forward to, but filled with foreboding at what their idea might be…
14/03/2018
KODAK MOMENT
While Wilson was complaining about the unremitting awfulness of his stay at the zoo, Uncle Z walked in.
Glancing at the photo he remarked, ‘Looks like you had a lovely holiday with your family… while I was trying to survive in my unheated hive! I had to melt snow in my oven just to have my morning wash and to make tea! You youngsters, you don’t know you’re born…’
Ignoring him, I said, ’I’m sorry you had such a horrible time, Wilson, but it was unavoidable!’
‘I know,’ he replied, ‘and it wasn’t totally awful – not all the time, anyway – Biro and me did go out and build some wicked snowmen!’
He handed me another photograph.
Glancing at the photo he remarked, ‘Looks like you had a lovely holiday with your family… while I was trying to survive in my unheated hive! I had to melt snow in my oven just to have my morning wash and to make tea! You youngsters, you don’t know you’re born…’
Ignoring him, I said, ’I’m sorry you had such a horrible time, Wilson, but it was unavoidable!’
‘I know,’ he replied, ‘and it wasn’t totally awful – not all the time, anyway – Biro and me did go out and build some wicked snowmen!’
He handed me another photograph.
12/03/2018
WORST NATIONAL ANT DAY EVER
Wilson passed me another photograph, a snowy woodland scene.
‘This,’ he remarked resentfully, ‘is my souvenir of the Worst National Ant Day Ever! It was freezing cold, there weren’t any ants, and I didn’t win!’
This must have been a bitter blow to Wilson, who has been crowned Ant King of Uckfield every year since he came to live with me in 2011.
‘Oh dear!’ I said, solicitously, ‘So who did win?’
‘One of my many ½-brothers – Sydney Arthur Vermilingua – found the first ant of 2018 and was crowned Ant King.’ he replied. ‘But I suspect cheating – I’m almost certain he had an ant concealed in his ear!’
I shook my head and made sympathetic noises…
‘Obviously I had an ant concealed in my ear too, but I didn’t produce it quickly enough! I have become complacent, New Dad!’ he continued. ‘Living here in comparative luxury with you has made me soft! Weakened my competitive spirit! I must Anteater-Up and regain my Edge!’
‘This,’ he remarked resentfully, ‘is my souvenir of the Worst National Ant Day Ever! It was freezing cold, there weren’t any ants, and I didn’t win!’
This must have been a bitter blow to Wilson, who has been crowned Ant King of Uckfield every year since he came to live with me in 2011.
‘Oh dear!’ I said, solicitously, ‘So who did win?’
‘One of my many ½-brothers – Sydney Arthur Vermilingua – found the first ant of 2018 and was crowned Ant King.’ he replied. ‘But I suspect cheating – I’m almost certain he had an ant concealed in his ear!’
I shook my head and made sympathetic noises…
‘Obviously I had an ant concealed in my ear too, but I didn’t produce it quickly enough! I have become complacent, New Dad!’ he continued. ‘Living here in comparative luxury with you has made me soft! Weakened my competitive spirit! I must Anteater-Up and regain my Edge!’
11/03/2018
ZOO OVERCROWDING
Wilson shovelled a spoonful of cornflakes into his mouth then passed a photograph to me.
‘This’, he explained, ‘Is my Mum, Mrs Vermilingua’s Living Room. It is full of children squabbling and quarrelling over toys – I couldn’t hear myself think!
I nodded sympathetically.
‘The fire is so smokey that sometimes it makes your eyes water and you can’t see across the room.
I nodded sympathetically.
‘The Black and White 12-inch television has only one channel, and you can’t see anything for the static.
I nodded sympathetically.
‘The Wi-Fi has been cut off because the Warthogs were operating some kind of Internet Investment Scam.’
I nodded sympathetically.
‘How can I be expected to live like that? Eh? In the Summer I can go outside to play, but this was the middle of Winter – I was a Prisoner!’
He paused to sprinkle more ants on his cornflakes, then passed me another photo…
‘This’, he explained, ‘Is my Mum, Mrs Vermilingua’s Living Room. It is full of children squabbling and quarrelling over toys – I couldn’t hear myself think!
I nodded sympathetically.
‘The fire is so smokey that sometimes it makes your eyes water and you can’t see across the room.
I nodded sympathetically.
‘The Black and White 12-inch television has only one channel, and you can’t see anything for the static.
I nodded sympathetically.
‘The Wi-Fi has been cut off because the Warthogs were operating some kind of Internet Investment Scam.’
I nodded sympathetically.
‘How can I be expected to live like that? Eh? In the Summer I can go outside to play, but this was the middle of Winter – I was a Prisoner!’
He paused to sprinkle more ants on his cornflakes, then passed me another photo…
10/03/2018
I LOOK LIKE A CAPTAIN!
Wilson had a bit of a lie-in this morning, but when he came in to breakfast I had forgotten to remove the eye-patch I have to wear overnight.
W saw it and laughed, telling me, ‘New Dad – you remind me of that Captain on TV… oh, what’s his name?’
‘Captain Jack Sparrow?’ I suggested, hopefully. ‘Captain Jean-Luc Picard maybe?’
‘I’ve got it!’ he exclaimed: ‘Captain Mainwearing – you know, the pompous old bloke out of Dads’ Army!’
Chuckling to himself, he then produced a bulging wallet of photographs, removing them one by one to show to me, illustrating his unsatisfactory sojourn at the zoo…
W saw it and laughed, telling me, ‘New Dad – you remind me of that Captain on TV… oh, what’s his name?’
‘Captain Jack Sparrow?’ I suggested, hopefully. ‘Captain Jean-Luc Picard maybe?’
‘I’ve got it!’ he exclaimed: ‘Captain Mainwearing – you know, the pompous old bloke out of Dads’ Army!’
Chuckling to himself, he then produced a bulging wallet of photographs, removing them one by one to show to me, illustrating his unsatisfactory sojourn at the zoo…
09/03/2018
WILSON’S BACK!
I’ve just been down to the Bus Station to meet Wilson.
His bus was quite late arriving, due to an ‘incident’ involving his lunch.
After the bus had been travelling for half an hour or so, W began to feel a bit peckish and unwrapped the lunch bag his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, had given him for the journey.
Whether the ants were excited by being on a bus for the first time, or whether they’d been out of the fridge for too long is not clear, but the outcome is that they escaped and before Wilson could stop them, invaded the bus.
‘The other passengers made a terrible fuss about it’ he scoffed. ‘Just because ants were climbing up everyone’s legs and biting them – they’re only ants, after all!’
These ‘over-sensitive’ passengers made the driver stop the bus until the infestation was cleared up, thus causing the delay.
’Anyway, while denying all knowledge of the ants, I offered to clear them up – I ate them all as fast as I could, and saved the day! Actually, people thought I was a bit of a hero, what with being on hand to fearlessly rescue everyone!’
His bus was quite late arriving, due to an ‘incident’ involving his lunch.
After the bus had been travelling for half an hour or so, W began to feel a bit peckish and unwrapped the lunch bag his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, had given him for the journey.
Whether the ants were excited by being on a bus for the first time, or whether they’d been out of the fridge for too long is not clear, but the outcome is that they escaped and before Wilson could stop them, invaded the bus.
‘The other passengers made a terrible fuss about it’ he scoffed. ‘Just because ants were climbing up everyone’s legs and biting them – they’re only ants, after all!’
These ‘over-sensitive’ passengers made the driver stop the bus until the infestation was cleared up, thus causing the delay.
’Anyway, while denying all knowledge of the ants, I offered to clear them up – I ate them all as fast as I could, and saved the day! Actually, people thought I was a bit of a hero, what with being on hand to fearlessly rescue everyone!’
07/03/2018
A PLEA FOR HELP
As you know, Wilson has been staying with his family at the zoo while I recover from my eye operation.
I’ve just received an SMS from him saying that the constant noise and quarrelling there is driving him up the wall, and asking whether he can he come home yet?
I still can’t see well enough to drive, so I’ve told him he will have to travel by bus – his brother Byron has done that before, and can tell him what to do, explain Public Transport Etiquette etc.
I shall be very pleased to see him again, but I do hope he doesn’t try to ‘speed’ my recovery by insisting on applying Ant Poultices to my eye!
I’ve just received an SMS from him saying that the constant noise and quarrelling there is driving him up the wall, and asking whether he can he come home yet?
I still can’t see well enough to drive, so I’ve told him he will have to travel by bus – his brother Byron has done that before, and can tell him what to do, explain Public Transport Etiquette etc.
I shall be very pleased to see him again, but I do hope he doesn’t try to ‘speed’ my recovery by insisting on applying Ant Poultices to my eye!
28/02/2018
an important message from the bees
important message:
ps: get well soon, wilson's new dad!
pps: sorry there aren't any capital letters, but we can't work the shift key because it's a bit stiff.
following an operation on wilson's new dad's eye, he regrets that for the time being he is unable to see to use his computer to post to this blog.
wilson is staying with his mum, mrs vermilingua, at the zoo while his new dad is poorly.
sadly, this probably means that there won't even be a bees' blog on 1st march...
yours very sincerely,
polly 🐝 and billi 🐝 the bees.
XX
ps: get well soon, wilson's new dad!
pps: sorry there aren't any capital letters, but we can't work the shift key because it's a bit stiff.
24/02/2018
TRUFFLE HUNTING
Once the Truffle Prospectors had arrived at Boothland Woods, Wilson looked round, inspected the ground for a moment and declared that the very place where they were standing was a ‘prime spot’ for Truffles.
Lifting Dave out of the bucket, he placed him on the ground and instructed him to ‘get sniffing!’
Poor Dave shuffled around disconsolately for a few minutes before saying, ‘I don’t think this is a very truffly spot after all. Can we go home now?’
Wilson is not a quitter – at least, not when there’s money to be made – so he turned to Nërp and said, ‘Okay, it’s time for Plan B – turn on your Olfactory Tech and we’ll make a start!’
Nërp at first pretended not to have heard, but once that gambit became clearly untenable he confessed that, due to an oversight at the factory, his Olfactory Analysis Module had not been installed.
On hearing this, W came very close to losing his temper, pointing out to Nërp that this was only the latest of a long series of non-installed modules.
‘Well excuse me for not being C3-PO or HAL5000… or Johnny-5... or perhaps you’d have preferred Wall-E?’ Nërp replied, huffily.
He certainly seems to have had his Brooding, Overthinking and Sulking Modules installed!
When everyone got home, they were all in a bit of a bad mood. Wilson grumbled that he will have to start a Truffle Farm, due to the difficulty of locating and harvesting Wild Truffles.
He stomped off to Google ‘Truffle Seeds’ while Nërp and Dave stood in silence, staring at the ground uncomfortably…
Lifting Dave out of the bucket, he placed him on the ground and instructed him to ‘get sniffing!’
Poor Dave shuffled around disconsolately for a few minutes before saying, ‘I don’t think this is a very truffly spot after all. Can we go home now?’
Wilson is not a quitter – at least, not when there’s money to be made – so he turned to Nërp and said, ‘Okay, it’s time for Plan B – turn on your Olfactory Tech and we’ll make a start!’
Nërp at first pretended not to have heard, but once that gambit became clearly untenable he confessed that, due to an oversight at the factory, his Olfactory Analysis Module had not been installed.
On hearing this, W came very close to losing his temper, pointing out to Nërp that this was only the latest of a long series of non-installed modules.
‘Well excuse me for not being C3-PO or HAL5000… or Johnny-5... or perhaps you’d have preferred Wall-E?’ Nërp replied, huffily.
He certainly seems to have had his Brooding, Overthinking and Sulking Modules installed!
When everyone got home, they were all in a bit of a bad mood. Wilson grumbled that he will have to start a Truffle Farm, due to the difficulty of locating and harvesting Wild Truffles.
He stomped off to Google ‘Truffle Seeds’ while Nërp and Dave stood in silence, staring at the ground uncomfortably…
23/02/2018
AN EXPLORATORY EXPEDITION
Dave the Pig, having secretly confessed to me that he has no idea what a Truffle even is, let alone what one smells like, now wholeheartedly wishes he'd never brought the subject up.
Nevertheless, he is now heading up to Boothland Woods with Wilson and Nërp for an exploratory Truffle Survey, and he’s very nervous about the entire venture.
He tried refusing to go, but Wilson told him he was just suffering from ‘Truffle Nerves’ and popped him in the Truffle Bucket so he could be carried up to the woods – thus conserving his strength for truffle-detecting and -digging…
Nevertheless, he is now heading up to Boothland Woods with Wilson and Nërp for an exploratory Truffle Survey, and he’s very nervous about the entire venture.
He tried refusing to go, but Wilson told him he was just suffering from ‘Truffle Nerves’ and popped him in the Truffle Bucket so he could be carried up to the woods – thus conserving his strength for truffle-detecting and -digging…
21/02/2018
DAVE MAKES A CONFESSION
During a break in the Pig Yoga Rehearsals, while Wilson was out of earshot Dave the Pig called me over.
He looked very worried, so I asked him if he was a bit nervous about the whole Pig Yoga thing.
‘No, it’s not that,’ he replied, ‘it’s just that I think I’ve done a silly thing – I mentioned Truffles to Wilson!’
‘I’m sure that’s not a problem’ I replied, reassuringly.
Dave looked even more worried as he continued, ‘I was just saying what useful and intelligent animals we pigs are, and I happened to say that truffles are quite valuable, and that pigs are used for finding them. Now he’s on-line looking up the price of truffles, and I’m afraid I may have done a Bad Thing…’
Our conversation was cut short as Wilson returned to the room and announced that, not only is Pig Yoga now ‘On Hold’, he will not be proceeding with his PYO Strawberries venture this year – he will instead be opening a Truffle Shop.
‘The price of Truffles is around $14,203.50 per kilogram!’ he explained in a shocked voice. ‘That’s about £5000 per pound – WAY higher than the price of Strawberries! And best of all, they’re FREE – you just dig them up from out of the ground!’
This sounds to me a bit like Wilson’s ill-fated plan to ‘just dig V-Coins up from the ground’, but he is confident he can successfully harvest Wild Truffles from the woods, using Dave the Pig to locate and bring them to the surface.
I also have one nagging doubt: if Truffles are so easy to harvest, why are they so expensive?
_________________
I have to go into hospital shortly for a small surgical procedure. I don’t know how long I shall be out of action, so it may be necessary for Wilson to stay with his family at the zoo for a little while – which sadly will result in a short break in Blog Posts.
He looked very worried, so I asked him if he was a bit nervous about the whole Pig Yoga thing.
‘No, it’s not that,’ he replied, ‘it’s just that I think I’ve done a silly thing – I mentioned Truffles to Wilson!’
‘I’m sure that’s not a problem’ I replied, reassuringly.
Dave looked even more worried as he continued, ‘I was just saying what useful and intelligent animals we pigs are, and I happened to say that truffles are quite valuable, and that pigs are used for finding them. Now he’s on-line looking up the price of truffles, and I’m afraid I may have done a Bad Thing…’
Our conversation was cut short as Wilson returned to the room and announced that, not only is Pig Yoga now ‘On Hold’, he will not be proceeding with his PYO Strawberries venture this year – he will instead be opening a Truffle Shop.
‘The price of Truffles is around $14,203.50 per kilogram!’ he explained in a shocked voice. ‘That’s about £5000 per pound – WAY higher than the price of Strawberries! And best of all, they’re FREE – you just dig them up from out of the ground!’
This sounds to me a bit like Wilson’s ill-fated plan to ‘just dig V-Coins up from the ground’, but he is confident he can successfully harvest Wild Truffles from the woods, using Dave the Pig to locate and bring them to the surface.
I also have one nagging doubt: if Truffles are so easy to harvest, why are they so expensive?
_________________
I have to go into hospital shortly for a small surgical procedure. I don’t know how long I shall be out of action, so it may be necessary for Wilson to stay with his family at the zoo for a little while – which sadly will result in a short break in Blog Posts.
19/02/2018
PIG YOGA CLASSES
Wilson’s
I don’t want to be disloyal to Wilson, but if you’re even considering booking a Pig Yoga Class, honestly I’d leave it a day or two so the initial teething problems can be ironed out.
However, if you’re determined to be an Early Adopter, please apply to the usual address enclosing your Class Fees (CASH only – Wilson is no longer accepting V-Coins, BitCoins, KodakCoins or any other virtual currencies due to their ‘Volatility’)…
SENSATIONAL PIG YOGA CLASSESare now open for booking!
I don’t want to be disloyal to Wilson, but if you’re even considering booking a Pig Yoga Class, honestly I’d leave it a day or two so the initial teething problems can be ironed out.
However, if you’re determined to be an Early Adopter, please apply to the usual address enclosing your Class Fees (CASH only – Wilson is no longer accepting V-Coins, BitCoins, KodakCoins or any other virtual currencies due to their ‘Volatility’)…
18/02/2018
PIG YOGA
‘Pig Yoga’ is now officially a thing!
The Practice of Pig Yoga apparently involves lying on the floor while a young pig walks up and down over your prone body. I can’t imagine that this is of any benefit to anyone other than Wilson, who will be running the classes and trousering the class fees.
But I’ll bet it makes your eyes water – I can promise you he won’t be trying it on me!
While practicing Pig Yoga (which Wilson confessed he didn’t enjoy, and most certainly wouldn’t pay for himself) Polly arrived to announce that Neil the Sloth has said ‘Froome...’
This is very mysterious, but I fear that by the time Neil has finished his sentence, we’ll all have forgotten how it began…
____________
CORRECTION: Wilson informs me that he was not ‘lying on the floor’ but practicing an advanced yoga pose called ‘Balancing-The-Pig’ which is allegedly a fusion of the basic Yoga Poses Balancing-The-Cat and the Upward-Facing-Anteater…
The Practice of Pig Yoga apparently involves lying on the floor while a young pig walks up and down over your prone body. I can’t imagine that this is of any benefit to anyone other than Wilson, who will be running the classes and trousering the class fees.
But I’ll bet it makes your eyes water – I can promise you he won’t be trying it on me!
While practicing Pig Yoga (which Wilson confessed he didn’t enjoy, and most certainly wouldn’t pay for himself) Polly arrived to announce that Neil the Sloth has said ‘Froome...’
This is very mysterious, but I fear that by the time Neil has finished his sentence, we’ll all have forgotten how it began…
____________
CORRECTION: Wilson informs me that he was not ‘lying on the floor’ but practicing an advanced yoga pose called ‘Balancing-The-Pig’ which is allegedly a fusion of the basic Yoga Poses Balancing-The-Cat and the Upward-Facing-Anteater…
17/02/2018
GOAT YOGA
Whereas someone else (ie a ‘normal’ person) might see Goat Yoga on tv and think, ‘Goat Yoga? That’s REALLY weird!’, Wilson immediately thinks: ’Pig Yoga starring Dave the Pig!’…
I guess that’s the difference between an ordinary person and an entrepreneur who needs to become a millionaire ASAP!
Having visited a Goat Yoga website – https://www.facebook.com/goatyoga/ – Wilson has learned that it appears to be available only in the USA, and that all the Baby Goat classes are sold out.
Clearly, therefore, there must be a massive gap in the market for Baby Pig Yoga in England!
___________
Today is World Random Act Of Kindness Day, so Wilson will be giving all his friends a pre-launch opportunity to buy tickets for what he is calling his ‘amazing new enterprise’ – but not, I imagine, a discount on the ticket price!
Full details soon!
I guess that’s the difference between an ordinary person and an entrepreneur who needs to become a millionaire ASAP!
Having visited a Goat Yoga website – https://www.facebook.com/goatyoga/ – Wilson has learned that it appears to be available only in the USA, and that all the Baby Goat classes are sold out.
Clearly, therefore, there must be a massive gap in the market for Baby Pig Yoga in England!
___________
Today is World Random Act Of Kindness Day, so Wilson will be giving all his friends a pre-launch opportunity to buy tickets for what he is calling his ‘amazing new enterprise’ – but not, I imagine, a discount on the ticket price!
Full details soon!
16/02/2018
THE BUBBLE HAS BURST
Over breakfast this morning, Wilson informed me that the Virtual Currency Bubble has Burst – whatever that means – and henceforward Nërp will be deployed to other, non-mining duties.
I'm a bit relieved to hear that, and I imagine Nërp is, too! I hope 'other duties' might involve light housework, hanging out the washing and a bit of weeding...
Of course, the downside of this is that W is now looking for another 'sure-fire, can't-fail and arguably legal Get-Rich-Quick scheme’ – he's in the living room at the moment, with a Slushy and a pack of Ant Wafers while watching Sky News.
That should keep him out of trouble for a little while!
I'm a bit relieved to hear that, and I imagine Nërp is, too! I hope 'other duties' might involve light housework, hanging out the washing and a bit of weeding...
Of course, the downside of this is that W is now looking for another 'sure-fire, can't-fail and arguably legal Get-Rich-Quick scheme’ – he's in the living room at the moment, with a Slushy and a pack of Ant Wafers while watching Sky News.
That should keep him out of trouble for a little while!
14/02/2018
CURLING
There was a heavy frost this morning, so after watching a lot of Olympic Curling on tv Wilson and Nërp went into the garden to look for the sTone Brothers.
The Bees, equipped with tiny brooms, acted as 'sweepers' while sTony complained loudly about the indignity of being used as a Curling Stone.
Judging by the expression in sToneye's eye, I'd guess he feels pretty much the same way...
I don't know the proper name of the Target thing Wilson has painted on the patio, but I hope it wears off before too long.
On the other hand, The Bees are making quite a nice job of sweeping up!
When the sTone Brothers finally convinced Wilson to end the game, he came into the house and enquired whether the Postman had been. I replied that there was one letter addressed to him. He held out his paw and took it from me with a sigh.
Tearing open the envelope he showed me the Valentine Card inside – it's what he calls his Annual Pity Card: an anonymous Valentine from his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua.
Perhaps one year he'll receive the Valentine Card he craves – from Ms Caroline Katz, or Ms Claudia Winkleman... or maybe even from a nice girl anteater...
The Bees, equipped with tiny brooms, acted as 'sweepers' while sTony complained loudly about the indignity of being used as a Curling Stone.
Judging by the expression in sToneye's eye, I'd guess he feels pretty much the same way...
I don't know the proper name of the Target thing Wilson has painted on the patio, but I hope it wears off before too long.
On the other hand, The Bees are making quite a nice job of sweeping up!
When the sTone Brothers finally convinced Wilson to end the game, he came into the house and enquired whether the Postman had been. I replied that there was one letter addressed to him. He held out his paw and took it from me with a sigh.
Tearing open the envelope he showed me the Valentine Card inside – it's what he calls his Annual Pity Card: an anonymous Valentine from his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua.
Perhaps one year he'll receive the Valentine Card he craves – from Ms Caroline Katz, or Ms Claudia Winkleman... or maybe even from a nice girl anteater...
12/02/2018
A HEATED DEBATE
The customary tranquility of our household is being disturbed by an acrimonious disagreement.
Nërp has taken the children into the garden and is distracting them by giving them rides on his shoulders, so they don't witness the furious altercation taking place between Wilson and Uncle Zoltan.
Uncle Z has just announced his intention to set up in business as an Agony Aunt, and Wilson is understandably incensed because that was originally his idea!
Uncle Z counters, 'You had your chance, dear boy, and you just couldn't hack it!'
I think what is irking W most is Uncle Z's catchy marketing line:
Nërp has taken the children into the garden and is distracting them by giving them rides on his shoulders, so they don't witness the furious altercation taking place between Wilson and Uncle Zoltan.
Uncle Z has just announced his intention to set up in business as an Agony Aunt, and Wilson is understandably incensed because that was originally his idea!
Uncle Z counters, 'You had your chance, dear boy, and you just couldn't hack it!'
I think what is irking W most is Uncle Z's catchy marketing line:
Auntie Zoltan:
offering helpful advice from A–Z
11/02/2018
WIRED FOR SOUND
Nërp may have missed out on the Humour and Fun Modules, but he's got a very good MP3 player and sound system!
He has been playing a lot of Beatles and David Bowie for Wilson and the children – and simultaneously showing Music Videos on his chest-screen.
What with him also being able to perform small tasks around the house, I'm quite enjoying having him here – he's even better than a Juke Box – and I've always wanted a Juke Box!
He has been playing a lot of Beatles and David Bowie for Wilson and the children – and simultaneously showing Music Videos on his chest-screen.
What with him also being able to perform small tasks around the house, I'm quite enjoying having him here – he's even better than a Juke Box – and I've always wanted a Juke Box!
10/02/2018
PLAYTIME
Wilson and Nërp appear to be bonding well, although they spend a lot more time watching television than I'm really comfortable with.
This morning I turned the tv off and sent them round to the Children's Park to play together, get a bit of fresh air and work off some energy.
Wilson had a good time, but Nërp just watched, complaining that W was using his energy very inefficiently.
He suggested that W should decide whether he wants to be at the top of the slide or the bottom, and stay there – not keep chasing round in a circular, repetitive and energy-costly routine which will inevitably result in an Efficiency Shortfall.
Wilson explained that the Sliding Down part was fun, but apparently Nërp doesn't have his Fun Module as he'd been 'otherwise occupied' on the day of installation.
_____________
The Exclusive Free Stuff for Club Members should start appearing next Tuesday!
Something to look forward to, although I wouldn't get TOO excited – that can only lead to disappointment...
This morning I turned the tv off and sent them round to the Children's Park to play together, get a bit of fresh air and work off some energy.
Wilson had a good time, but Nërp just watched, complaining that W was using his energy very inefficiently.
He suggested that W should decide whether he wants to be at the top of the slide or the bottom, and stay there – not keep chasing round in a circular, repetitive and energy-costly routine which will inevitably result in an Efficiency Shortfall.
Wilson explained that the Sliding Down part was fun, but apparently Nërp doesn't have his Fun Module as he'd been 'otherwise occupied' on the day of installation.
_____________
The Exclusive Free Stuff for Club Members should start appearing next Tuesday!
Something to look forward to, although I wouldn't get TOO excited – that can only lead to disappointment...
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