With three books under his belt, Wilson now considers himself an Established Author.
He told me that his next step was clearly to have a Celebrity Book Signing, so he has popped round to the Village Book Shop to sound them out about staging the event there, taking Nërp and TT with him for moral support.
I have suggested that, following a very stern reminder from his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, he should buy a Mother's Day Card while he's there…
Over breakfast this morning, Wilson slid a copy of his latest novel across the table to me, then he and Antony stared at me expectantly.
I picked it up and read the title: One Flew Over The Ant's Nest.
W briefly outlined the plot to me:
• The story takes place in a psychiatric hospital where a handsome young ant – McWilson – battles with the evil Head Nurse – Nurse Widget – in an effort to make the patients' lives more pleasant, because he has realised that the Psychiatric Hospital is turning sane people insane, rather than the other way round.
• Later McWilson and the other patients go out fishing on a stolen boat, then have a big party at the hospital.
• Nurse Widget finds out about the party and has to take some time off.
• Finally one of the other inmates – Queen Brompton – kills McWilson with a pillow to put him out of his misery, and then escapes.
Wilson has got the shakes today – he's trembling so badly that he can barely type.
This is because he's been up all night, drinking black coffee while working on his new novel.
He won't tell me what it's about, except to say that it's a Modern Classic that's going to establish him as a Top Author of Contemporary Fiction.
He also hinted that people will compare it with Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar – probably.
He can't be certain as he's never read The Bell Jar, and he's got no idea what it's about.
Honestly, it's making me jittery just watching him – I doubt he'll get any sleep tonight…
Antony (Literary Editor) and TT (Publicist) gazed in amazement as Wilson showed us his new novel, Cold Comfort Ant Farm.
I was pretty amazed myself – this was Wilson's second novel in only three days.
'Wilson, this is your second novel in only three days,' I said, 'How do you write so fast?'
'Well, I print out the Study Notes and Tippex® over the names I'm changing!' he replied proudly.
'Actually, Antony does the Tippex-ing part as the fumes make me a bit dizzy – then while he recovers, I write in the new names. Voila!'
Yesterday a letter arrived for Wilson, but what with launching his new novel, Lord Of The Ants, he'd been too busy to read it.
Today he took it to his library and tore open the envelope.
'It's from my Mum, Mrs Vermilingua,' he announced.
Mrs V rarely communicates directly with W, so I said, 'I hope it's not bad news!'
He sighed and said, that rather depended on how you define bad news…'
'It says she's worried about me. Worried I've broken my paw so I can't pick up the phone to call her… blah blah… it's been so long since I visited her that I've got three new siblings… blah blah blah… would it kill you to… Mothers' Day in two weeks… that's about it.'
I asked what the new children were called – he referred to the letter again and said, 'Hmm… the twins are called Klara and Kafka, and then there's little Laszlo. It seems my mother has reverted to her Alphabetical Naming Scheme – I assume one of the Keepers is helping her with that.'
