24/01/2020

DOORSTEPPED

Early this morning there was a knock at the door.

Wilson, who was in the middle of his breakfast, was a little bit vexed by the interruption, but brushing toast crumbs from his mouth he went to answer the door – to a journalist from our local radio station!


In the run-up to the last General Election, Wilson observed many politicians being doorstepped by tv journalists, and at first he employed the Jeremy Corbyn tactic, saying, 'Hello, so lovely to see you. Goodbye!' but after a moment's reflection he remembered how that had turned out on voting day and switched to a more Boris-like strategy.


Ruffling the fur on the top of his head, he began smiling and flirting with the journo, who had come to interview him not about – as he'd feared – his and Nërp's fly-posting, but to canvass his opinion on whether he aspired ever to be Prime Minister.


In my time, I've heard several MPs vehemently deny ever wanting to become PM – including Boris Johnson and Margaret Thatcher – before going on to do exactly that


Wilson's denial, though, had a distinct ring of truth and sincerity – two qualities which in themselves should be sufficient to exclude him from a career in politics.


He told the interviewer, 'Anyone who aspires to be Prime Minister should, on those grounds alone, be ruled totally unsuitable for the post!'


He rose enormously in my estimation at that point – he is indeed wise beyond his years!


Unlike most recent Prime Ministers…



22/01/2020

SLOTH PARTY POSTER CAMPAIGN

Wilson knows that I strongly disapprove of Fly Posting, but since he and Nërp are sticking his Sloth Party posters only on the newly-constructed Uckfield Wall I suppose I can't really complain.

The whole purpose of the Wall is to be covered in graffiti, so I dare say a poster or two won't make much difference…



20/01/2020

FREE BADGE

Should you wish to walk around wearing a badge proclaiming you to be a MUG, this is your big day!

Wilson is certain that many of his friends and readers will want to avail themselves of such an opportunity, so he is giving you each a free Make Uckfield Great badge… I'm not quite as confident!