WAIT, WHAT?

At first, I didn't believe Wilson, but Nërp confirmed that his huge and noisy wind turbine supplied electricity – Nërptricity – to the house at a mere 5 volts and a maximum current of a puny 0.75 Watts.

Sensing my surprise, Nërp asked me what I had been expecting, and I told him that I had assumed 240 volts and 13 amps per outlet.

 

Nërp was aghast! 

 

'240V?' he shrieked, '13A? Are you trying to kill us all?'

 

I pointed out that everyone in the UK received 240V at 13A and very few people were being killed by it, but he shuffled off shaking his head while threatening to write a very stiff letter to the Health and Safety Executive…

 

Turning to Wilson I explained, 'We'd need to replace all our appliances: the TV, the toaster, the kettle, the computers – everything!'

 

He asked whether, when we replaced the TV for a five-volt model, we could buy one with a bigger screen, but I said that replacing anything was completely out of the question.

 

 

COMPLETION

Nërp has finished testing his Wind Turbine and signed-off on the project.

He met Wilson in the Library and formally handed over a lot of cable and an extension lead, saying it now only remained to convert the house wiring to 5 volts and the wall sockets to USB outlets and we would be running on 100% Green Electricity!

 

Or as he calls it, Nërptricity.

 

Wilson thanked him for his valuable work and came to find me to explain what came next…

 

I hadn't appreciated that there would be a 'Next' – I had naïvely assumed we'd just start selling our surplus electricity to the Electric Company for a handsome profit and otherwise carry on as usual…

 

Anyway, Nërp has been working on this for so long, I wouldn't be surprised if [ie I'm really hoping] he takes a long break now to recover; I might even suggest he try to hibernate until Xmas!

 

 

FREE NERPTRICITY BADGE

Nërp is so confident of the success of his latest (massive and a bit noisy) turbine that he is proceeding with his advertising campaign and even giving away free promotional pin badges!

He says that he will sign-off the project tomorrow, and we can start enjoying our free electricity while selling the excess back to the power company – brilliant!

 

I hope this isn't, well… too good to be true? 

 

I keep fearing there may be some downside that Nërp hasn't explained to us, but I'm probably being paranoid.

 

I'm sure it will all be excellent, and Wilson is really looking forward to tomorrow's hand-over and subsequent profits! 🤞

 

 

BRUCE LACEY

So, not GeoThermal Energy after all, but foundations!

I don't know whether Nërp realised he was quoting the late, great Bruce Lacey* when he shouted, 'Electricity – I must have more ELECTRICITY!' but if he doesn't get enough from his latest turbine design, he'd better give up.

 

It must be almost as large as the windmills you see in off-shore wind farms – but when it's in your own back garden, it looks about a hundred times bigger!

 

The mast supporting the Jumbo Jet-sized propeller is enormous – no wonder it needed such deep foundations!

 

Also, the Whoosh, Whoosh, Whoosh noise it makes as it turns is a tiny bit annoying!

However, on the bright side, Nërp has assured me that he will be completing and signing-off his Green Energy project in the next couple of days – phew!

—

*Bruce Lacey: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Lacey

 

 

GOING UNDERGROUND

Nërp is digging a very large hole in the garden, but he says he'd prefer not to discuss its purpose.

I assume he's embarrassed to admit that he's given up on his project to harness wind power and is instead in search of GeoThermal Energy – the extraction of heat from underground and its subsequent conversion into electricity.

 

I expect he's invented some super-efficient Fuel Cell for the conversion process!

This puts me in mind of when Nërp dug Wilson's doomed BitCoin Mine… except that this hole seems even deeper!

 

Speaking of Wilson, you may be wondering what he's getting up to while Nërp is working on his Green Energy Initiative – I'm afraid he's just planning how to spend the money we make from selling our excess energy back to the electric company…

 

 

NËRPTRICITY

Nërp is so confident that his latest wind turbine will be a great success that he has already started advertising his Green Electricity!

I have a sneaking suspicion that Wilson, beguiled by the promise of high returns, might be bankrolling this advertising campaign… using my Visa card, obviously!

 

Nërp has explained to me that although he is advertising this as Green Energy, it will, in fact, be available in several other colours!

 

Okay, I'm now officially lost for words…

 

 

SIZE MATTERS

Following yesterday's 'disappointing' test results, Nërp has determined that the only way to increase efficiency is by increasing the size of his wind turbine, something he calls 'The economy of scale'.

 

He's back in his workshop 'fabricating' something while making a very considerable noise – I might be wrong, but in my mind 'fabricating' might imply something pretty large…

 

I can hear a lot of welding and riveting going on, and I'm a tiny bit, well… concerned!