The reason for yesterday's excitement is now clear – Wilson has been on-line and tracked down a special, authentic Costa Rican Anteater Delicacy, and that was what was in the package.
He and Byron are presenting me with this as a thank-you for allowing Byron come to stay, and for feeding, entertaining and looking after him while he's here.
They spent quite a lot of time in the kitchen preparing this, but eventually they proudly presented me with a cup of: Tea With A Hint Of Ants.
Honestly, there was quite a lot more than just a hint of ants, but it was such a kind gesture that I bravely drained my cup while giving every outward sign of great enjoyment – satisfied 'Mmmm' sounds and a lot of lip-smacking.
I can apparently keep the rest of the packet, although I might share it with Wilson.
Or save it for the next time Byron comes to stay…
This morning the postman brought a package addressed to Wilson.
It was evidently something he and Byron had been expecting, as they both excitedly rushed out into the hall to examine it.
There was no clue as to the parcel's contents, although it gave off a faint but pungent smell, and was worryingly labelled 'Perishable' – I hope there's nothing alive inside, or anything that would warrant a visit from HM Customs and Excise…
Wilson and Byron have popped round to Tesco to do something they described as 'guerrilla marketing'.
I don't even know what that is, but I don't like the sound of it – and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to he happy when I find out…
Today, while we were out having coffee in a local cafe, I gave Wilson and Byron the books I'd bought for them.
They were both very pleased (Wilson in particular brandished his book in the air and ran round showing it to anyone who'd look, while shouting, 'I Am The Greatest!') and while Byron seemed pleased by the gift, I sensed that something was not quite right.
I pressed him on this, but he said, 'Oh no, there's nothing wrong, Wilson's New Dad – it's a lovely book and I shall treasure it forever!'
'But?…' I persisted, 'You can tell me anything – I won't be cross.'
'Well…' he replied, 'It's nothing really… but the books are called "Wilson is the Greatest" and "Byron is the Greatest" and, well, we can't both be the Greatest, because "Greatest" is a Superlative, so while there can be many "Greats" there can be only one "Greatest". I'm really sorry to have mentioned this…'
I suggested that we could pop into the stationers and but a bottle of Tippex, and change 'Greatest' to Great', but B wouldn't hear of it, saying, 'I'm sure Wilson would rather carry on thinking he is the Undisputed Greatest than merely Great!'
How well Byron knows his brother!
Wilson has apologised for yesterday's menacing solicitors letter, saying that he was merely trying to raise funds to secure Pterry's future.
'In any case, my application to trademark the word "and" has been turned down,' he confessed. 'I suppose now you'd like me to return your £3.00 "illegal useage" fees?'
I nodded.
'There's nothing like motherhood,' he continued, 'to make you realise your responsibilities!' conceding that 'possibly' he should have warned me in advance of the fees payable…
I suggested that it might be more ethical to simply install a Swear Jar, but he countered that I don't swear enough to make that a viable option, whereas I say 'and' all the time.
I don't swear enough? Really? I fear that might be about to change!
