SELF STORAGE

Entering the living room, in spite of my hospital eye patch, I'm afraid my face may have betrayed my feelings.

'Who does all this… stuff… belong to?' I asked, a trifle testily. 

Wilson shrugged and said, 'Well, customers. Obviously.'

'Can you tell who owns what?' I persisted. 'Have you kept proper records?'

'They'll be able to recognise their own stuff!' W replied. Shrugging again, he said,  'It stands to reason! And if they don't, we'll sell it off by auction, just like on Storage Wars – it'll be brilliant, and we'll be rich! And famous!'

I opened my mouth to protest, but Wilson raised his paw and cut me off. 

'I know what you're going to say, New Dad – you're going to ask how I can possibly run a top-flight professional operation like this without a logotype. Well don't worry, I'm working on it.' 

He looked round. 'Just as soon as I can find my iMac under all these boxes…'

HOSPITAL DISCHARGE

When I arrived home from the hospital, I stepped out of my taxi and found my entrance to the house blocked by mountains of cardboard boxes.

Wilson came out to greet me, rubbing his paws together and said, 'Welcome home, New Dad. As you can see – business is brisk!'

'Business?' I asked.

'Well', Wilson replied, 'while you were in hospital we didn't know whether you'd ever be coming home again, so I thought we should raise some money… in case we, you know, had to, well… fend for ourselves. You do hear such terrible stories, and I didn't want to be an orphan and get adopted again…'

He waved his arm inclusively towards the buff-coloured mountain, and announced, 'So, behold: WV Self Storage!'

'What terrible Stories have you heard?' I asked, 'And who told them to you – was it Uncle Zoltan?'

Wilson shifted a few boxes and cleared a narrow path to the front door…

YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF MALIBU – YARR! ☠️

Ahoy, me hearties, it be Wilson's New Dad 'ere – I be back an' no mistake – Wilson made full certain of that!

W shook me out o' me hammock before break o' day wi' a breakfast o' Cackle Fruit wi' Toasted Revenue Men an' a beaker o' Cow Juice, saying. 'Here be some grub fer t' slake yer hunger. Shake yer stumps, ye Scurvy Lubber!' 

He continued, 'We've a busy day ahead o' Lootin' an' Pillagin', so make like a Sea Dog or meet the Cat o' Many Tails!'

Well, today do rightly be a big day in t' life o' an anteater, an' fer Pastafarians all o'er th' world, so I be a-thinkin' I shud enter int' th' spirit o' th' thing if only fer me Shipmate Wilson's sake –  'tis only one day o' the year, when all's said n' done.

'Twill seem like a mighty long day, tho, an' no mistake, so pass me a tot o' th' Malibu Grog, afore th' sun tops th' yardarm – an' put some ice an' one o' them tiny umbrellas in it while yer at it!

Belay there, me Jolly Buckos! Yarr!

CORRECTION

«Hi there!

This is Wilson Vermilingua, Anteater Extraordinaire, again.

I have to tell you that I got a bit overexcited yesterday and gave you the wrong information – I said that International Talk Like a Pirate Day is tomorrow.

But it isn't: International Talk Like a Pirate Day is actually tomorrow. 

I know – that's what I said yesterday, and it was wrong because yesterday tomorrow meant today. 🤔

I know I'm not explaining this very well, but now I'm saying it's tomorrow again and it's right this time. But it wasn't right before.

This is probably why I leave the Blogging up to New Dad – he doesn't get so easily confused as me.

Anyway, International Talk Like a Pirate Day is on 19 September (just like it is every other year) and that is tomorrow!

I'm really sorry for the confusion…»

Here's a FREE BADGE by way of an apology!

TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY

«Hi there!

This is Wilson Vermilingua, Anteater Extraordinaire writing to you today, as my New Dad is still indisposed following his operation.

I wouldn't ordinarily bother you, but for the fact that tomorrow is one of the most important days in the Anteater Almanac, and I wouldn't want you to miss it: INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!

This is also an important day to all Pastafarians, so there's another reason for you to celebrate it!

I've got my Pirate Eye Patch all ready to go; New Dad was given a free Eye Patch by the hospital – lucky or what?!

If my New Dad still can't see to work the computer tomorrow I'll be back to give you a Piratical Reminder.

If I have time, that is – I might be too busy talking like a pirate myself – oh, and drinking Pirate Grog (Malibu) obviously…»