SCRIPT REVIEW

TT is fine-tuning the script for his forthcoming Xmas X-travaganza Comedy Show.

 

Antony is helping by lending moral support, and Diesel is there too because he claims to know a lot of Goldfish jokes.

 

Unfortunately, all of Diesel's jokes end the same way – with him forgetting the punchline.

 

Byron knows one, though:

'I have six goldfish named Major, Minor, Flat Nine, Bebop, Altered, and Blues.

The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.'

Uncle Zoltan shocked everyone by telling a goldfish joke of his own:

'My friend's Goldfish died the other day, so I surprised her and got her an identical one!

She was furious, saying "What am I supposed to do with two dead goldfish?"'

Diesel said that jokes about dead goldfish were offensive and in very poor taste, and forbade TT to use it.

 

Pterry is also present, not because he can contribute anything but because he still cries if left alone. 

 

He has to have all the jokes explained to him, but still doesn't 'get' them… 

 

 

NËRP'S XMAS LIGHTS

Nërp has put up some Xmas Lights on his workshop and taken his niece Jīqìrén out to see them.

 

Jīqìrén still has severe reservations about the whole 'Xmas Thing', but Nërp has made it clear to her that if she doesn't at least pretend to believe she won't get any presents…

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Nërp has told Tiny Toy that the new puppet theatre is now complete – TT says that he needs a few days for final script revisions and dress rehearsals etc, but has provisionally announced a performance date of 20 DECEMBER!

If his previous shows are anything to go by, this is something to look forward to – it should really get you in the mood for Xmas! 

GIFTWRAP

Wilson has thoughtfully designed some Free Giftwrap to ease the financial burden of Xmas.

 

It's free in the sense that you don't have to pay for it, but you'll have to download and print it yourself, so it will cost you a little bit in printer ink – which ml. for ml. costs more than Moët & Chandon champagne, and isn't even fizzy!

 

Also, given that your printer probably only prints up to A4, it will only be of use for wrapping very small things.

 

Or bigger things if you take them apart and wrap the bits separately… 

 

 

XMAS CANDLE SET

The boys have designed a gift set of three Perfumed Xmas Candles, featuring the 'authentic smell of Xmas'.

 

While 'perfumed' was not among the words that sprang to mind when they showed them to me – which as it happens were 'malodorous', 'acrid' and 'foul' – they both said it was one of the two aromas that evoked memories of their Mum, Mrs V's house in winter when they were pups.

 

The other nostalgic smell was the bottoms burning out of saucepans, but they conceded that was a less likely candidate for Scented Xmas Candles.

 

The candle set is demonstrated here by Antony and Tiny Toy, for scale.

If you do buy a set of these, it would probably be best not to light them… 

 

 

GOOD PROGRESS

Nërp reports that he is making 'good progress' on building the puppet theatre for TT's Xmas Comedy Extravaganza.

 

When I called round to his workshop to take a look, I found him outside drinking coffee with Jīqìrén.

 

Nërp was reminiscing about the Old Days in Taiwan when he was a young CPU, while Jīqìrén was trying desperately hard not to yawn.

 

As soon as he saw me, Nërp hurriedly put down his coffee and began bustling around looking busy, while assuring me that the theatre was 'within days' of completion… although he declined to let me see it, saying it would 'spoil the surprise'. 

 

 

NEW XMAS BAUBLES

I expect your household is the same as ours – the Xmas tree decorations coming out each year is a time for nostalgia as you remember some bauble from your childhood, or which has some other nostalgic association.

 

But Wilson and Byron have just made some new baubles for 2020!

 

One shows a golden anteater angel, the other two feature ants.

 

They say that in years to come, once they have been transformed by the passage of time into family heirlooms, they will remind us of this momentous year, and will be 'commemorative'!

 

As though we'll need any reminding… ☹️ 

 

 

XMAS JIGSAW

Wilson doesn't really have the patience to do jigsaw puzzles – he usually gives up once he's laid out the corners and sorted out the 'sky' pieces – but this is one of his favourites.

 

It's quite difficult, but it does feature one of his favourite things: a swarm of ants!

 

He's passing this on to you in the hope that it will help fill that difficult, gaping void between now and Xmas Morning.

 

Cutting out the pieces might be even more of a challenge than completing the puzzle, so please be careful with the scissors!

 

If any splashes of blood do get on the pieces, you can always pretend they're red ants!

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STOP PRESS NEWS:

Tiny Toy is planning a big comedy special sometime before Xmas – Nërp is currently building a new miniature theatre for his performance, so it's not yet possible to give a date, but Watch This Space and keep your diaries free!