Seems my chat with Wilson about his many failed business schemes didn't fall on deaf ears!
He and Byron have drawn up this QUESTIONNAIRE to research people's needs and budgets before he invents his next 'Can't Fail' Product.
Wilson brought it to me and asked what I thought of it.
'Hej, Ny Pappa!' he greeted me. 'Vad tror du?'
I skimmed the page and said I'd give him my considered opinion later.
'Tack!' he replied, 'Absolut! Vi ses senare – efter kaffe.'
Wilson has started talking like this quite often lately – I think he may be watching too much Nordic Noir on Netflix and All-4.
Perhaps I should have a word – although being bilingual would be a great advantage to him in later life…
Also, Wilson has asked me to mention that if you would like to licence his Questionnaire for use in your own Innovation Research, his rates are very reasonable…
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PS: Wilson says there will be a 'Valuable Reward' sent to everyone who returns their questionnaire 'Properly completed' – I really wouldn't get too excited, though!
Apparently production costs of Wilson's l'eau de la fourmi Air Freshener (specifically, the price of the fancy glass bottles) has proved too high to proceed with the venture.
Accordingly, in a cost-cutting measure, he and Byron have cut out a load of little tree shapes from blotting paper, which they intend soaking in the remains of the l'Eau de la Fourmi then marketing them as Magic Tree-style Car Air Fresheners…
You might be surprised by how much ink you get through when you print on blotting paper…
I expect I shall receive an early pre-production Air Freshener, for Customer Satisfaction/Feedback purposes, but at least in this warm weather I should be able to drive with the windows down…
This month's copy of Uckfield Update magazine has just arrived.
It contains, as promised, Wilson's advert for his l'Eau de la Fourmi Air Freshener.
No doubt I shall discover how much it costs to advertise in the Uckfield Update when my VISA bill arrives…
Hello, we are The Bees and this is our Guest Blog!
Now that Summer has at long last been successfully installed, we thought we should give you some tips about taking care of yourself in the sun.
Sunshine is lovely, but it can take a terrible toll on your eyes and skin which is why we always wear sun hats, dark glasses and lots of factor 50 when we're working outside in the summer – and we make sure our children, Johnson and Johnson, do the same.
It's easy to be fashionable in the sun, as you can see: I bought this charming sun bonnet on eBay, and we bought our shades from the chemists in the village.
Sunscreen can make your fur go a little flat, so you just need to zoosh it up a bit after you've put it on!
Wilson's New Dad has had to have his cataracts replaced or something, and we didn't like the sound of that – which is why we always keep our Sunnies on, even at night – when it makes us look well Enigmatic.
And Inscrutable – we are Bees of Mystery!
Also, people mistake us for Incognito Celebrities off Love Island – although it's quite hard not to keep bumping in to things.
Anyway, we've been The Bees, and we'll see you again next month – until then, BEEEEEEEEE GOOD!
I've been thinking about Wilson's Air Freshener invention… and his Ant Ice Lollies, the Unpuncturable Tyres, his Odd Socks enterprise and all his many other inventions and get-rich-quick schemes.
I think the fundamental, underlying problem with Wilson's inventions is that he spends too little time thinking about what people really want, and too much time thinking about how he'll spend his First £1 Million.
I took Wilson to one side today and had a chat with him about this, and he seemed to take it quite well, saying he'd give it some thought… although he did confess that he'd already placed an advert for the Air Freshener in Uckfield Update magazine.
IN OTHER NEWS, Nërp has asked me whether he could invite his niece, Jīqìrén, to stay for a little while.
He says it would be like Work Experience or 'Take Your Niece To Work Day', adding, 'She's a charming girl, probably. You might love her and her doubtless cute ways, and perhaps find her useful for performing small chores around the house.'
Well, 'performing small chores' would certainly be excellent, as Nërp has never shown any signs of performing any domestic tasks whatsoever – although he does seem strangely, well, vague about his niece…
But I've told him it would be okay – I'm really looking forward to meeting her, and I'm sure she'll fit in just fine.
