SOCIALLY DISTANCED HALLOWE'EN PARTY

Nërp's Halloween Trick-or-Treat-'o'-Matic machine has been installed by the front door, so the celebrations may now commence!

Since we're all one family, everyone has been able to attend this year's Hallowe'en Party.

 

Uncle Zoltan has baked one of his famous cakes and, although I'm sure he (probably) washed his tarsi before making it, I rather wish he wouldn't keep walking all over it!

 

Tiny Toy is telling Hallowe'en jokes (eg – Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the Body Shop!) but you might be surprised to learn how very few good Hallowe'en jokes there are…

 

After the cake there will be Apple Bobbing (I don't know whether the spiders on the apples are real or plastic, but I'm not taking any chances!) 

 

Later on we'll turn off the lights, light a single candle and tell Ghost Stories.

 

I don't doubt that this will be followed by everyone wanting to sleep in my room, with the lights left on all night – not because they're scared, of course, but because they're concerned for the younger children(!)

 

 

THE MYSTERY OF THE HAUNTED BATHROOM

Actually there's no mystery: it's just that Nërp's Hallowee'en make-up and costume is so elaborate that he insists it takes 24 hours to apply.

Consequently, he has commandeered the bathroom as his changing room and no-one is permitted to enter.

 

Polly has been allowed to accompany him to assist with the application of fake blood… at least, I hope it's fake!

 

I won't lie: it's pretty inconvenient not being allowed to use the bathroom until tomorrow, but I suppose I'll just have to grit my teeth, cross my legs and make the sacrifice… 😟

 

 

DIESEL FEELS A BIT BRIGHTER

Following the administration of ½ of my antidepressant tablet, Diesel the Goldfish actu ally seems a bit more cheerful today.

However Wilson – even with Hallowe'en to look forward to – still seems quite down.

I eventually located him huddled in an armchair in a darkened room.

 

We had a bit of a chat, and he said he was really missing the regular and frequent holidays we used to take pre-pandemic.

 

An actual Going Away vacation is currently out of the question, but I promised him I would have a serious think and see if I could come up with anything…

 

As for Diesel, Wilson's friend Arnold has been in touch to suggest a few things that might cheer the little goldfish up.

 

I passed these ideas on to Wilson and he's pottered off to see what he can find on Amazon.

 

He seems pleased by the suggestions as it's always very difficult to know what to buy a goldfish for Xmas…

 

 

HALLOWE'EN PREPARATIONS PART DEUX

I'm afraid Hallowe'en rather crept up on us this year and we've left our preparations a bit late.

There won't be another Tesco delivery before the Big Day, so we've got a bit of a Pumpkin Shortfall!

 

The children are improvising and inventively making do with what we've got.

Banana Jack'o'Lanterns aren't quite the same as Pumpkins, although they are undeniably easier to hollow out!

 

I had a word with Wilson about Diesel's depression, and we've agreed that I should crush ½ of one of my antidepressant tablets and sprinkle it into his bowl.

 

He added that he'd have been more surprised if Diesel hadn't been depressed, as he certainly was.

 

Then he asked if he too could have ½ of one of my antidepressants, but I really don't like to start medicating him – especially since the withdrawal effects are so distressing. ☹️

 

 

MIKKO THE MISERABLE FISH

Ant Wars 2: MIKKO THE MISERABLE FISH

I always think that fish look a bit miserable – it's the way they just swim round and round with their mouths turned down at the corners while they wait to be fed.

 

Even in the wild you rarely see fish smiling.

 

So although Wilson doesn't like the children watching too much daytime tv, he's allowed Diesel the Goldfish to watch a few programmes – just to give him something to do while swimming round in tiny circles.

 

Unfortunately, he saw a feature on This Morning about a fish called Mikko who lives in a Sea Life Centre in Finland – Mikko is allegedly missing seeing visitors during lockdown and has been diagnosed with Clinical Depression.

 

Now Diesel says that he too has clinical depression and he's published a list of 'demands' including, but not limited to: cake, fresh salmon and his own tv – just the same as Mikko.

 

Oh, and for some reason, a Big Mac!

 

Jīqìrén saw the item too (she rarely does anything other than watch tv) and confirmed the gist of the feature, so I suppose we should do something – I'll talk it over with Wilson.

 

 

HALLOWE'EN PREPARATIONS

Okay, I really don't like Hallowe'en… but all the children seem to, so I suppose it would be churlish of me not to let them celebrate it.

However, I have put my foot down about one thing: there will be no Trick-or-Treating this year.

 

We'll just have to think of other ways to have fun…

 

Nërp is in his workshop building a 'Treat-o-Matic' treat vending machine so we don't have to meet any visiting trick-or-treaters in person.

 

Jīqìrén suggested that she could really clean up Treat-wise by threatening to Exterminate reluctant donors with her Death Ray, but Nërp replied that he'd already suggested that strategy and it had sadly been vetoed, as unfortunately, Lethal Force Tricking contravened the Unwritten Rules of Hallowe'en…

 

He's also trying to explain the principles of Hallowe'en to Jīqìrén but it's not easy for him as he has an imperfect understanding of it himself!

 

 

A LATE START

Okay, I admit we made a bit of a late start today, having forgotten that British Summer Time [Daylight Saving] ended last night.

I did feel pretty bad asking Nërp to remove his wind turbine from the back garden after all the work he'd put into it.

 

It's just that it's huge, noisy and a bit of an eye-sore, considering all it's capable of doing is charging Nërp himself, Wilson's iPhone and what used to be my iPad.

 

Also some of the neighbours have been dropping hints that they're not too keen on it, so I'm afraid it's got to go! ☹️

 

Wilson went out to 'supervise' and he had Polly and Billi on standby in their nurses' uniforms in case of accident.

 

Having expected such great things (aka high profits) Wilson also feeling quite low about the failure of the project, but tried to cheer me up by telling me that Hallowe'en is less than a week away – I didn't like to remind him how much I dislike Hallowe'en…