Runner Wax

The sun came out this morning so Wilson popped into the Surf and Ski shop in the High Street to buy some Runner Wax for his sledge or, as he is now calling it, his luge. 

On the way back the sky clouded over and he was caught in a torrential hail storm; by the time he arrived home he was soaked through and, given how he hates getting wet, in a pretty bad mood.

He is now watching the Olympic Ice Hockey, wrapped from head to toe in towels, steaming gently in front of the fire. 

Wilson is embarrassed...

The event which Wilson regards as his Annual Humiliation has just occurred: the postman has brought his regular Valentine's Day Card, which he is certain is sent by his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua.

'I really will have a word with her about this!' he said. 'It's mortifying, getting a Valentine Card from your Mum!'

Skeleton Luge

As usual, Wilson was up before me and watching the Olympics on BBC2. He'd been looking forward to the Skeleton Luge, but as soon as he saw me he started complaining that it was rubbish! He said he'd been watching since it started, and so far he'd not seen a single skeleton! 

He tried lying head-forward on his sledge, but thought it would be madness to race that way as he'd risk damaging his magnificent nose if he were to fall off. Well, that's one less thing for me to worry about!

He's been quite tetchy today, and I think it's because he's dreading St Valentine's Day tomorrow. Every year since he's been living with me he has received an anonymous Valentine card, and he's afraid it's his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, who keeps sending them — talk about embarrassing parents!

Couch Athletics

Wilson has become a Couch Athlete…

Nothing has really captured his attention today, so he's spending his time as I imagine many other sports enthusiasts are spending theirs: chilling with their friends over a brew while watching the Individual Normal Hill and the Ladies' Halfpipe. 

He says he considered Half Pipe Snowboarding, but judged it a bit too dangerous. However, he says he's really looking forward to the Skeleton Luge tonight.

Luge

Wilson rose early again this morning to watch the Winter Olympics from Sochi, and today they were showing the Luge and the Half-Pipe Snowboard events. 

He confided to me that he thought he had found the perfect Olympic event for him to compete in: the Luge! All he had to do was lie down on a sledge and whizz down a track. He reasoned that would be even easier than Curling, as he wouldn't so much as need to stand up. 

'Honestly, New Dad, a sack of potatoes could do it — you don't even have to steer!' 

He admitted that one shortcoming was that he couldn't see where he was going, but was pretty sure he could invent something out of a small mirror and some Blu-Tack. I think it might be less scary if he couldn't see where he was going, but maybe that's just me…

I've got a pretty bad feeling about this, although sTony and sToneye are both enthusiastic. 

But they'll agree to anything if it means they can get the handles taken off their heads.

Olympic Curling

Today Wilson discovered an Olympic discipline which he decided would require less physical effort than Slopestyle Snowboarding: Curling. 

Once he had Googled curling stones and learned that even on eBay they would cost about £400 per pair, he decided to improvise. The hidden cost of improvising is: 

• glue on the living-room carpet;

• sToneye very unhappy;

• sTony very nervous;

• no door handles on the bathroom door. 

Also, the chance of the Dyson ever working again: vanishingly small.

New Snowboarding Star!

This morning, following another sleepless night, Wilson took the Dyson into the living room and dismantled it. He told me he needed the motor from it to power the 'rocking bed' he is inventing, which will apparently replicate the gentle rocking motion of the cruise ship which he'd found so relaxing. 

Once he'd stripped it down to its component parts he noticed GB's Jenny Jones had achieved Gold position in the Women's Slopestyle Snowboarding. He stopped work and gazed intently at the screen.

Sadly Jenny eventually slipped down to Bronze Medal position, but W was still very excited. Once the snowboarding had finished he told me that at last he had found a sport in which he felt he could excel, since all he would have to do is stand on his snowboard and slide downhill without falling over. Moreover, he said, the four years until the next Winter Olympics would give him time to practice and become a world leader in the sport.

I'm off to consult the Sochi Timetable, as I really don't want him seeing the Luge events and thinking he'd like to try that!

In the meantime, the Bed Rocking machine is no nearer completion and I doubt the Dyson will ever suck again.  

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You may have noticed that I have missed a few updates to Wilson's adventures — unfortunately personal commitments and health issues sometimes make this necessary. I will try to keep disruption to a minimum, but I hope you will understand when I occasionally have to skip a day or two.