Wilson had a bit of a lie-in this morning, but when he came in to breakfast I had forgotten to remove the eye-patch I have to wear overnight.
W saw it and laughed, telling me, ‘New Dad – you remind me of that Captain on TV… oh, what’s his name?’
‘Captain Jack Sparrow?’ I suggested, hopefully. ‘Captain Jean-Luc Picard maybe?’
‘I’ve got it!’ he exclaimed: ‘Captain Mainwearing – you know, the pompous old bloke out of Dads’ Army!’
Chuckling to himself, he then produced a bulging wallet of photographs, removing them one by one to show to me, illustrating his unsatisfactory sojourn at the zoo…
I’ve just been down to the Bus Station to meet Wilson.
His bus was quite late arriving, due to an ‘incident’ involving his lunch.
After the bus had been travelling for half an hour or so, W began to feel a bit peckish and unwrapped the lunch bag his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, had given him for the journey.
Whether the ants were excited by being on a bus for the first time, or whether they’d been out of the fridge for too long is not clear, but the outcome is that they escaped and before Wilson could stop them, invaded the bus.
‘The other passengers made a terrible fuss about it’ he scoffed. ‘Just because ants were climbing up everyone’s legs and biting them – they’re only ants, after all!’
These ‘over-sensitive’ passengers made the driver stop the bus until the infestation was cleared up, thus causing the delay.
’Anyway, while denying all knowledge of the ants, I offered to clear them up – I ate them all as fast as I could, and saved the day! Actually, people thought I was a bit of a hero, what with being on hand to fearlessly rescue everyone!’
As you know, Wilson has been staying with his family at the zoo while I recover from my eye operation.
I’ve just received an SMS from him saying that the constant noise and quarrelling there is driving him up the wall, and asking whether he can he come home yet?
I still can’t see well enough to drive, so I’ve told him he will have to travel by bus – his brother Byron has done that before, and can tell him what to do, explain Public Transport Etiquette etc.
I shall be very pleased to see him again, but I do hope he doesn’t try to ‘speed’ my recovery by insisting on applying Ant Poultices to my eye!
