Before he went to bed last night Wilson — still suffering from Writer's Block — consumed a big supper of cheese (and ants, obviously) in hopes that he would dream a suitable plot for his upcoming novel The Truth About Ants.
Unfortunately it didn't work out so well.
When he eventually came down to breakfast this morning, bleary-eyed and very grumpy, he told me variously that he'd had nightmares all night; that he hadn't slept a wink; and that he'd dreamed he was being eaten by ants.
Also, he now thinks there is a cheese-monster living under his tumble-dryer.
I'm not sure he's properly awake yet.
I would definitely counsel him against repeating this ill-advised experiment.
Best-selling Blockbuster-writing Novelists certainly seem to pay a high price for their success — I wonder how Stephen King gets his ideas?
Wilson has written both his jokes in his Jokes Book, and left a spare page in case he ever thinks of another one.
He has decided to use the rest of his book to write a blockbuster best-selling novel:
THE TRUTH ABOUT ANTS
— All Ants Are Not The Same
This will be a Winston Graham style sweeping epic, spanning many generations and exposing long-kept family secrets to the light of day.
He's in the dining room now with Antony (Literary Agent) and Tiny Toy (Barista and Pencil Technician) complaining of Writers' Block.
We arrived home for the theatre in plenty of time for Wilson to open his remaining presents.
He received:
• an imported Luxury Ant Farm,
• a book about Ants and
• a notebook for him to write his jokes in (so he won't forget the punchline when he gets to it).
You see him here a few moments before Uncle Zoltan called him in for his Birthday Tea, which consisted of a Gourmet assortment of Chocolate- and Gin-soaked ants from across the USA (given to him by his friend Ms Cali) and a candle-topped birthday cake baked for him by Uncle Z.
He's very excited that a new series of Scott & Bailey starts on ITV this evening — he says this will be the perfect end to his day!
I can now reveal that Wilson's special Birthday Treat was a trip to see FAME! the Musical.
After breakfast we jumped into the CoffeeMobile and drove up to the Bob Hope Theatre; it's not actually IN London's West End but it's very NEAR, which is quite as good — if not better, because the parking is cheaper and easier.
As a special indulgence, he was given a Backstage Pass by his friend Ms Julia, who is also the show's choreographer!
Wilson LOVED the show, and sang songs from it all the way home to Uckfield.
He confessed that Ms Julia is a bit of a role-model for him, and he thinks he might like to be a choreographer when he grows up, adding that if he gets any money for his birthday, he's going to buy some pink trainers just like hers.
Since we went to the Matinée performance, there was still time to give W his Birthday Tea and a couple of other little gifts once we got back home...
Tomorrow is Wilson's Official Birthday, and I'm pretty sure he thinks I've forgotten about it.
He's in the dining room at the moment, colouring-in a new portrait of his pet goldfish Diesel, but he's not doing it very enthusiastically. Even after Diesel asked him to 'Colour me like one of your French Goldfish!'
I will admit that it's not easy to choose birthday presents for someone like Wilson — someone who has everything including his own Amazon account and access to my VISA card — but I've got him a couple of little things I think he'll like, plus a big treat!
Like him, you'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what it is, as I can't risk the secret getting out...
