Leafing through the paper yesterday, Wilson asked my opinion of the 'Constitutional Crisis' caused by Prince Harry and Meghan withdrawing from public life.
I think what he meant was,
'Should The Sloth Party take a political stance on this?'
He remarked that, if only HM The Queen had not repeatedly refused to ratify his OBE, all of this could have been so easily avoided.
I knew I'd regret asking, but I couldn't help myself – 'How so?' I enquired.
'Well, if HRH The Queen had been on better terms with me, a little more willing to give and take, I would happily have stepped into the breach,' he replied, 'subject to the usual terms vis-a-vis the Civil List, obviously!'
'Prince Wilson…' I mused, 'and what of your Consort?'
'I think that, following my Coronation, the lovely Caroline Katz might well have reconsidered her position. Or Ms Winkelman – as a prince I would be a Well Eligible Bachelor – the ladies would be fighting over me! HRH Prince Wilson the 1st and Princess Claudia – what do you think?'
He closed his eyes and smiled…
It's now almost the middle of January, and the days should be getting longer – but early this afternoon I noticed that it was suddenly getting very dark in the living room.
Going outside to investigate, I found Wilson steadying a ladder against the house while Byron balanced precariously at the top attempting to fix a banner to the wall.
I was about to ask W what was going on when I was accosted by Nërp asking me whether I would like to join The Sloth Party for the trifling sum of £5 (cash only).
Hearing me pass up this offer, Wilson came over to enquire whether I was completely and utterly certain I didn't want to join, as the price of membership was about to increase to £10.
When I asked what on earth the Sloth Party was – and why I now appear to be living in its International Headquarters – Wilson told me that it was his new Good Idea – AKA moneymaking venture.
'Now that the Labour Party has been wiped out,' he explained, 'The Sloth Party is the new Centre Left political group for people who don't like Boris Johnson.'
'Isn't that the Liberal Democratic Party?' I asked.
'Poof!' he replied with a Gallic shrug, 'The LibDems are sadly a spent force. Disillusioned Labour voters are crying out for a dynamic new Centre-Leftish Party – and that's us! I am all set to be as popular as Tony Blair once was…'
Following his New Year's Eve realisation that yet another year has passed without his attaining millionairehood, Wilson has spent most of January in the dining room with Byron, doing some 'Serious Inventing'… although after several barren days he confided to me that he has a bad case of Inventor's Block.
He's grabbed a black coffee with a double shot of ant gin – apparently a Sovereign Cure for All Blockages (according to his Mum, Mrs V) – and he is now confident of coming up with a Top Notch Money Generating Idea before the day is out.
I can only fear the worst…
