Mr Juicy's taken ill,
We're relying on the doctors' skill
________________________
Mr Juicy's condition has worsened, so at Wilson's insistence I have driven him round to the A&E Department at the Village Hospital.
W, having watched a lot of ER, House and Grey's Anatomy, expected us to be met at the door by medics shouting Medical Things; things like,
'Coming through! Patient is one year old, unresponsive, juice pressure 90 over 60, GCS3, severe mould infection; possible PE, and BM's off the scale; I need an EtCO2 NOW! Prep the OR — STAT!'
Instead, we were asked to complete a form, directed to a waiting room and told that we would be seen 'Soon'.
Wilson grabbed a wheelchair from the Reception area and gently placed Mr J on it, then wheeled him into the Waiting Area, accompanied by Byron and The Bees.
There has been no improvement in Mr Juicy's condition — in fact his fungal infection seems to have worsened, and spread even further — and Wilson is getting very anxious.
The Bees have donned their Hallowe'en Nurses' Outfits (they never need much persuading to do that) and are ministering to the suffering satsuma as best they can.
I've tried to reassure W, but from the little I know about citrus fruit, I have to say that the prognosis is not very encouraging.
I've given him an antibiotic capsule, but Wilson says he needs a second opinion, and Mr J must be taken to the Accidebt & Emergency department immediately.
Rather than put unnecessary strain on the ambulance service, I bundled everyone into the car and we drove quickly to Uckfield's Bird-in-Eye Hospital...
Mister Juicy's feeling poorly,
But "The Show Must Go On" — surely?
____________________________
Mr J's fungal infection now appears to have spread to his mouth, rendering him unable to speak properly.
I asked him to open his mouth and say 'AHHH' (Wilson squeezed his sides and without moving his lips said 'Ahhhh' himself) while I examined Mr J's oral cavity.
I have to say that I'm afraid his infection is getting worse.
Tragically, Wilson has had to cancel his appearance at the Uckfield Empire Theatre, owing to Mr Juicy's worsening health. He phoned the Theatre Manager to apprise him of the situation, and was told the show should be cancelled forthwith, before any more tickets were sold.
This blow is going to strike Wilson very hard...
Following a great deal of thought, deliberation and strong black coffee, Wilson has composed what he hopes is an appropriate response to The Bees' Agony Uncle letter about their missing Uncle Zoltan:
❝Dear Heartbroken Bees
I feel the most important thing to consider here is your Uncle's wishes. If Uncle Zoltan 'disappeared' by running away from home and has not attempted to make contact with you, it's probably because he wants to remain hidden from normal society. Perhaps it would be best just to let him be, and mayhap in the fulness of time, he will return to the bosom of your family.
However, I would be neglecting my duty as an Agony Uncle if I didn't ask you this important question:
Are you CERTAIN you want him back? After all, let's face facts – he was a poisonous and unpleasant little person that you're probably better off without.
If you wish to employ a Consulting Detective to locate Uncle Z, I would be happy to suggest some reputable names; as for engaging a Psychic Medium, I would recommend that only if you are exceptionally gullible.
I hope you find my advice helpful and consoling,
Sincerely yours
Uncle Wilson❞
After he pressed Send, Wilson turned to me and asked, 'Do you think I did right in not saying that he's probably dead?'
W diagnoses a case of Stage Fright;
Perhaps Mr J is scared of footlights!
___________________________
Wilson has put his latest Agony Uncle letter on the 'back burner' in hopes that his subconscious mind will find a balance between what he wants to say with what a more experienced Agony Uncle would advise.
To pass the time while this happens, Wilson was rehearsing his Ventriloquism Act with Mr Juicy, The Talking Orange, when Mr J complained of feeling unwell.
On close examination, he does have a bit of a rash on his forehead.
Wilson, in his capacity as Professional Agony Uncle, has diagnosed this as Stage Fright, and has sent off to an on-line theatrical Supplies Company for a pot of Donald Trump Orange Foundation Creme.
However, having Googled his symptoms, I'm afraid that Mr Juicy's rash looks like the onset of Ringworm – I'll pop down to the Chemists later for some anti-fungal cream...
