EXPEDITION

A few days ago the UK Government changed the rules on exercising from 'You can leave your house once per day for one hour' to 'You can leave your house for as long as you like so long as you Stay Alert'… or something like that – nobody understands what the rules are any more.

 

However as I am classified as Medically Vulnerable I haven't left the house (apart from standing on the drive to Clap For Carers) since the end of February, and it's getting everyone down.

 

So this morning Wilson, Byron, Nërp, Jīqìrén and I all ventured out for a walk to the village – a distance of about 1½km.

 

The Bees accompanied us in their nurses outfits just in case one of us suddenly succumbed to Covid-19 while we were out.

 

I think that would have been unlikely as Nërp, who was in charge of Social Distancing, took his duties very seriously!

 

He wore a mask at all times, even though as an android he is totally immune to the virus, saying he was determined to set a good example. 

 

Well, I think that's what he said – it's not easy to understand him through the mask.

 

After so long without exercise we were all exhausted long before we reached the village, but it was lovely to be in truly fresh air, walking along silent, empty streets under a blue sky untainted by contrails.

 

Actually, UK Co2 emissions are now the lowest for 100 years, so there's a bit of good news!

 

FRIDAYS FOR THE FUTURE

Wilson's Fridays For the Future online campaign continues to gather impetus with the arrival of Nërp, Pterry and even Uncle Zoltan at the demonstration.

 

During lockdown we can all see the benefits of a greener future, a future with less air pollution, traffic and noise…

 

 

AUTOMAT

Ooops – I somehow overlooked yesterday being World Bee Day! I hope Polly and Billi can find it in their little hearts to forgive me…

 

Anyway, here is Byron to talk you through the finer points of Wilson's latest Art Recreation: Automat by Edward Hopper.

 

'Automat was painted in 1927 by the American Realist Painter Edward Hopper,' he began, with the easy confidence of a friendly professor of Art History.

 

He continued, 'The painting portrays a lone anteater staring into a cup of coffee in an automat at night. The reflection of identical rows of light fixtures stretches out through the night-blackened window. 

 

'As is often the case in Hopper's paintings, both the anteater's circumstances and mood are ambiguous. There is a small empty plate on the table, in front of his cup and saucer, suggesting that he may have eaten a snack and been sitting at this spot for some time. 

 

'The restaurant appears to be largely empty and there are no signs of activity (or of any life at all) on the street outside. This adds to the sense of loneliness, and has caused the painting to be popularly associated with the concept of urban alienation. One critic has observed that, in a pose typical of Hopper's melancholic subjects, "The anteater's eyes are downcast and his thoughts turned inward." Another critic has described him as "Gazing at his coffee cup as if it were the last thing in the world he could hold on to."'

 

NËRP'S HIDDEN SIDE

Wilson and I both had a bit of a shock this morning!

 

We were sitting in the dining room chatting quietly over coffee when we heard a grating and discordant mechanical sound outside in the hall, growing louder by the second.

 

Suddenly, to our great surprise, Nërp lurched it, wearing the most extraordinary headgear. 

 

He was jerking about unpredictably while (possibly) singing an approximation of the Ukrainian Eurovision Entry 'Dancing Lasha Tumbai':

Hello everybody!

My name is Nërp

Me English nicht verstehen!

Let's speak DANCE!

Tanzen!

Weiter, weiter!

Ich liebe!

Sieben, Sieben

Ai lyu lyu

Sieben, Sieben

Ein, zwei

Sieben, Sieben

Ai lyu lyu

Nu ein, zwei, drei

Tanzen!

I want to see

Aha... To dance or not to dance

I want to see

Aha... It's not a question

I want to see

Aha... Don't live to dance

I want to see

Dance to live

Aha...

I love you

I want to see

Lasha tumbai

I want to see

Lasha tumbai

I want to see

Lasha tumbai

I want to see

Tanzen!

Танцевать хорошо!

I want to see

Aha... To dance or not to dance

I want to see

Aha... It's not a question

I want to see

Aha... Don't live to dance

I want to see

Dance to live

Aha...

I love you

I want to see

Lasha tumbai

I want to see

Lasha tumbai

I want to see

Lasha tumbai

I want to see

Tanzen!

Україна - це круто?!

Круто!

Україна - це кльово?!

Кльово!

Танцює майдан!

Ok! Happy end

It's quite difficult to know what to make of this, but Nërp seemed to really enjoy himself, hopping round the room and casting off all his inhibitions – he really did dance like no-one was watching!

 

He might not know a lot about music, but he certainly seems to know what he likes!

 

Strange – I'd always assumed he was more of a Kraftwerk-loving android…

_________

According to the Verka Serduchka (the original singer) the phrase "Lasha Tumbai" is a Mongolian phrase for "whipped cream", but it was later proven that there are no such words in Mongolian and the title has no meaning at all.

 

 

EDWARD HOPPER – SUMMERTIME

Byron's chat with Wilson about the American Realist Painters must have been well received because here is their latest Artistic Recreation, a homage to Edward Hopper's Summertime.

 

According to Byron (who knows about these things) this 1943 painting symbolises not just the season but also America emerging from the Great Depression.

 

The young anteater's confident pose and the light breeze moving the curtain at the open window are both sign signs that times are changing, good things are ahead.

 

In the original painting, the anteater on the steps is represented by a young woman, and since she was wearing a see-through dress Wilson didn't bother visiting the dressing-up box, reasoning that 'Nothing is more see-through than nothing'…

 

 

WILSON'S ONE DISAPPOINTMENT

Throughout the evening Wilson waited patiently for his own Eurovision favourite to be played: - Je suis un vrai garçon, sung by his erstwhile fiancée* Nina Morato.

 

Towards the end of the show, when Abba's Waterloo came on he turned to me and whispered, 'They're obviously saving Ms Nina until last!'… and then the programme ended!

 

W was pretty irate, vowing to identify the 'Panel of celebrity Eurovision fanatics and so-called enthusiasts', track them down and unfollow them one by one.

 

So far the only panelist he knows about is Mel Giedroyc, and he's reluctant to unfollow her – partly because he likes her, and partly because if he ever wanted to re-follow her he'd never be able to remember how to spell her name – but he is planning to send her a pretty stiff email of complaint!

 

Anyway, although Je suis un vrai garçon wasn't on the BBC shortlist, you can watch it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5TH69AdXTo&feature=ytmp4

It's pretty hot stuff – very French – and there's a tiny bit of swearing… although as it's in French, that can probably be classed as 'educational'!

___________

 

*To be fair, Ms Morato probably had no idea she was engaged to Wilson; probably still hasn't, unless she happens to be reading this…

 

 

WHAT A NIGHT!

In normal times, last night would have been the night of the Eurovision Song Contest 2020 – a Very Big Occasion in Wilson's year.

Sadly it was cancelled due to the coronavirus, but the BBC did him proud with an entire evening of Eurovision celebrations:

Eurovision: Come Together, Eurovision: Europe Shine A Light and The A-Z Of Eurovision.

By 18h25 everyone had gathered in the living room for a wonderful night's entertainment, although by the time the final programme finished at 23h00 some of the younger children had nodded off.

The highlight of the evening for Nërp was Ukraine's 2017 entry which originally finished in second place: dancing lasha tumbai performed by Verka Serduchka – his display started flashing in time to the music, his foot tapped and he made a rudimentary humming-along sound.

Half way through the song several of his Overheat Warning lights came on – I've never seen that before!

When the performance ended, Nërp raised his arm and shouted shouted 'Aaallll Riiiiight!' and 'Ooooo Kaaay!' several times until the next song started and everyone hushed him.

He remained looking thoughtful for the rest of the evening…