Once Wilson had finished his explanation of the MEANING OF XMAS, Jīqìrén asked him if she had understood correctly.
'Let me get this straight,' she began, 'I've been watching a lot of stuff about Xmas on tv, especially the adverts – and it would appear that Xmas is about giving people cheap plastic crap made in China by slave labour. It's flown or shipped here clocking-up millions of tonnes of greenhouse gases and sold by companies owned by billionaires and paying no taxes, then distributed by zero-hours-contract van drivers earning below minimum wage (and polluting the environment even more), then most of it is put into a land-fill in January.'
Wilson considered for a moment and replied, 'Well, if you take Father Xmas, Reindeer, Elves and Magic out of the equation, that does pretty much sum it up…'
Wilson has taken Jīqìrén, Pterry and Diesel the Goldfish to one side so that he can explain The Meaning of Xmas to them…
'Xmas,' he explained confidently, 'was invented ages ago by Mr C Dickens. Nowadays it is sponsored by Amazon, John Lewis, VISA, the Hallmark Card Company and the Brussels Sprouts Marketing Board.'
Pterry appeared intrigued but confused, while Jīqìrén looked openly sceptical – actually, her plush toy robot appeared more interested.
Diesel, however, was totally enthralled by Wilson's explanation – he's heard it all before, of course (several times) but has always forgotten it again within five seconds…
'There may also be something about a Baby Lying In A Mangle, 'W continued, 'but the details are unclear. Anyway, the point is, Xmas is especially vital now.' 'In a time of Brexit Uncertainly and Political Turmoil, without Xmas the entire UK Economy might collapse – and then how would I become a millionaire?'
Wilson would like to suggest you order your copy of his Xmas CD early, before stocks run out!
I'd like to suggest you do it so we don't get stuck with a house full of unsold CDs, but perhaps I'm being unduly pessimistic.
Either way, here is a poster for you to print out and stick up, perhaps on the notice board where you work – if you don't mind getting a reputation for being a bit… well, weird.
Anyway, Wilson has assured me it's a Top Cyber-Monday Buy, would make a Well-Wicked Xmas Gift and contains recordings of All The Old Favourites, including that Xmas Classic, "Do The Ants Know It's Xmas?"
Hello, we are Polly and Billi The Bees, and this is our Guest Blog.
It's hard work being bees and mothers at Xmas, because our children Johnson Major and Johnson Minor are way overexcited and it does get a bit… stressful at times.
Every second sentence is about something expensive they want for Xmas, usually some plastic rubbish they've seen advertised on tv!
It doesn't help that Wilson and Byron are also constantly going on about Naughty Lists…
Actually, Billi and I have both started hitting the Royal Jelly and Mead a bit early this year – it's the only thing that really settles our nerves.
At least one thing we don't have to worry about is what to give everyone for Xmas: everybody will get a big jar of home-made honey because – let's face it – there's no better gift!
So, we've been the bees and we'll see you again in the New Year – until then, BEEEEE CALM AND CARRY ON!
