As we left the pier, I mentioned to Wilson that I hoped his visit hadn't been spoiled by the aggressive and persistent seagull.
'Oh, no!' he replied, 'He was funny — he reminded me a lot of Uncle Zoltan...'
He reflected for a few moments before adding, 'Apart from the small of Dead Fish, of course... uncle Z smells much worse!'
We strolled along the beach for a bit but, while warm and sunny, it was very windy and the extremely fine sand was being whipped across the beach.
W complained that so much sand was getting caught in his fur that it was becoming difficult to walk, so we decided to return to our hotel to fortify ourselves in the Bar.
As we prepared to leave the pier, Wilson noticed one more Photo Opportunity he was not prepared to miss: a Funny Policeman with a cut-out for his face. He clambered up and inserted his head into the hole, while I took his photograph.
Just before I clicked the shutter, Andrew the Seagull arrived and started shouting at W.
'Oh, you're off to your warm hotel room now are you, Soft Boy? Well, I don't need you — look, I've got my dinner here, a big cone of delicious chips* I've just pinched from a little girl!'
He swooped towards W's face, squawking, 'I never liked you anyway, you were only ev — oh #!#%&!'
The bird swore loudly as his meal slipped from his grasp and fell to the deck.
Shamelessly, he continued, 'Um, would you like to help me pick my dinner up?'
As we made a dignified exit from the pier, Wilson remarked softly to me, 'Karma in action!'
______
*French Fries
It's beginning to feel as though we've been on Weston's Grand Pier for weeks, but Wilson's enthusiasm shows no sign of flagging!
Next on his To-Do list was the Bob The Builder ride. He climbed in, inserted his £1 coin and as the little digger began rocking he sang along to the Bob the Builder theme song: '🎶 Bob the Builder — Can we fix it? YES WE CAN! 🎶'
Andrew the Seagull, meanwhile, fluttered up onto the ride's roof and squawked down through the windshield: 'Come on – let me on the ride! I don't take up much space! You are SO MEAN!' etc.
He seemed to overlook the fact that he was on the ride (albeit on the roof) and enjoying all its benefits both musical and locomotive.
Wilson exhibited admirable sangfroid by totally ignored him, carrying on singing until the ride ended, when he climbed out and mused aloud, 'Right – what's next?'
In my blissful ignorance, I had always assumed that a 'Selfie' [Oxford Dictionaries' 'Word of the Year' for 2013] could be taken anywhere — but I was wrong.
There are apparently Designated Selfie Spots, and we came upon one such on Weston-super-Mare's Grand Pier.
Wilson insisted on being photographed there, obviously, in spite of it not being in an especially attractive setting.
Andrew the Seagull also insisted on being included in Wilson's Selfie, saying it would be 'A touching souvenir of the time an Anteater generously shared his ice-cream with a Seagull.'
W grudgingly agreed to let Andrew be included in the photo, but drew the line at sharing his 99 with a fish-eating bird whose oral hygiene standards were clearly open to doubt.
I'm wondering whether it's even a Selfie if someone else takes the picture, but not wishing to confuse matters any further I clicked the shutter, and here is the result:
Energised by his candy-floss, Wilson worked off his sugar rush on a water-squirting game which involved him supplying drinks to jungle animals.
I think the theme of the game was actually to shoot the animals, but of course this never occurred to a good-natured conservationist like Wilson.
The sea gull, whose name, Wilson later informed me, was Andrew, sat on top of the stall squawking, 'Give me a go! Go on, it's MY turn now!'
Wilson told him that he would be getting a 'Very Big Drink' if he didn't 'Shut up and stop distracting me!'
Andrew replied, 'Go on then, I DARE you!' but due to the limited movement of the hose nozzle, W was sadly unable to make good on his threat...
