Following an unexplained absence of TEN MONTHS, Uncle Zoltan has returned, driving a Citroën H Dinky Toy van, and is behaving as though nothing has happened!
By the time Wilson arrived Uncle Z was busy telling the children how he has been on a round-the-world trip – visiting exotic foreign lands as far-afield as Buxted and Piltdown – and hinting at his many exciting adventures there.
Finally he noticed Wilson, greeting him with, 'Oh – are you still living here?'
Needless to say, The Bees are delighted to be reunited with their relative, but W is not best pleased by the return of his nemesis – and this comes on top of the sad news that an Aardvark is 'unaccounted for' in a fire at London Zoo.
Tiny Toy, struggling back to the house with a branch of mistletoe after delivering Xmas Cards to the sTone Brothers, came across a strange vehicle which (being very interested in cars) he immediately identified as a vintage Citroën type H van parked – or perhaps abandoned – in the garden!
Remembering that The Bees had worked as Parking Enforcement Operatives last Summer, he went straight to them, thinking they might like to write the van a Parking Ticket.
The Bees relayed the news of this unexpected vehicle's arrival to Wilson, and soon everyone trooped into the garden to see what was occurring...
We are now, as Dr Who once put it, Halfway Through the Darkness for today is the Winter Solstice!
Wilson appears to be marking the day by taking delivery of a huge consignment of light bulbs – he and Byron have carried them carefully out to the Museum (ie Shed) to work on a 'Secret Project'.
Whatever they're up to out there, I hope it takes Wilson's mind off 'Ms Claudia', from whom there is still no news – I'm pretty sure he'd been hoping for a short Engagement and an Xmas Wedding!
In case you're wondering, Father Xmas' gifts to the boys yesterday were a Mouth Organ (Wilson) and a Kazoo (Byron).
Last night they practiced on them with great gusto, long into the early hours... which may account for the headache I'm experiencing this morning.
Now, however, they have other things on their minds, for today is the day Wilson has chosen to launch his Grass Jam product, with it's newly-designed label.
This new label apparently incorporates all the best features from the previous shortlist of designs, and W says it's so great that it would 'Make the Jam sell itself, even if it tasted terrible!'
This is good news, because the jam does, in fact, taste terrible...
The Bees have asked me to mention that their Uncle Zoltan disappeared without a trace ten months ago today, and they'd like you to keep an eye open for any sign of him.
In other news, W still hasn't heard from Ms Claudia...
Once they'd downed their Xmas Milkshakes (topped with dried ants from Wilson's emergency rations) and cookies, I took the boys round to Santa's Grotto.
Xmas is a completely alien concept to young Byron, as they don't really celebrate it at the zoo where he lives with his family, so W explained what would happen:
'You go in and it's all dark and creepy, (that's why it's called a Grotty) and there's this old man waiting for you – he's even older than my New Dad, if that's possible! – and you have to sit on his lap. If he asks if you've been good you say, "Yes I have – I've been very good!"... and then he gives you a present!'
Byron thought about this for a moment, then said that this sounded exactly like the kind of thing his Mum had warned him about.
Wilson dismissed this, but added, 'When you say how good you've been, make sure you sound sincere – but not like you've been practicing saying it all morning!'
______________________
No word yet from Ms Claudia...
Occupying children is specially difficult in the run up to Xmas – I don't want Wilson and Byron sitting in front of the TV all day, nor do I want them getting into mischief.
So today I've taken them to a local Garden Centre just to get them out of the house.
In Springtime, Garden Centre Visits are always expensive, what with Wilson buying trolley-loads of plants for the garden, but a Winter visit with him and his brother is proving no less expensive: there are tree decorations they simply cannot live without, and of course there's the Restaurant...
Last night Wilson joined the bees watching the Strictly Come Dancing Finale.
He didn't really enjoy the dancing part, although he thought Craig Revel Horwood was very funny.
The big event of the night, however, was when W noticed Ms Claudia Wilkleman... and was instantly infatuated!
He's in the living room right now watching Strictly on Catch-Up – fast-forwarding through the dances and all the fillers, then mooning over the lovely 'Miss Claudia'...
I have to say this seems like another highly unsuitable match – what with Ms W being 45 and happily married with three children – but Wilson says that whereas Ms Joni Mitchell was just an infatuation, this is 'The Real Thing!'
As tactfully as I could, I tried to raise some of my reservations; Wilson countered, 'But New Dad – she is A-Ma-Zing, daahling! Fab-U-Lous!'
Someone had better get in touch with Ms Caroline Katz to let her know she's no longer Wilson's fiancée...
