Off to break some records!

Wilson and his support crew are heading off to the Luge and Bobsleigh practice track round the corner for a practice session. 

It will be the first time he's ridden his newly-modified sled, and he has high hopes for a record time — certainly a personal best, possibly an Olympic or World record!

Wilson is working on his Luge

Wilson has finally accepted that there won't be any snow before next winter, so he has bought some industrial castors from Amazon. He's in the garden now, fixing them to his sledge so he can practice his Luge event. As he keeps reminding me, there is now less than four years to the next Winter Olympics, so he can't afford to waste any more time.

He pointed out that today is also International Juggling Day, but confessed that, what with the Luge practicing, he might not have time enough to juggle. Or indeed, to learn to juggle, which is a bit of a prerequisite. 

Although as he said, 'It's probably much easier than it looks!' 

A surprise parcel arrives!

Discussing the issue later, Wilson admitted that he was a bit rattled to learn about Mad Uncle Zoltan, but conceded that every family has a 'black sheep' hidden away somewhere. 

I confessed that in my family, I have a feeling the black sheep is me.

'Whatever,' he sighed, 'I'm taking a break from thinking about the wedding over Easter. I'm going to relax, eat chocolate and do other Eastery things.'

At this point he produced a brown-paper parcel which he proceeded to open. 

There was much speculation concerning its contents, the general consensus being that it contained an Easter Egg. But it didn't. 

No-one was prepared for what it did contain. 

Except, of course, for Wilson, who had ordered it on Amazon!

A guest is barred!

Apparently Mad Uncle Zortan's hobby is attending bee weddings, dressed head-to-toe in black, and biting the other guests. 

Then at the crucial moment, when the vicar asks, 'If any of you know cause or just impediment why these bees should not be joined together in Holy Matrimony, you are to declare it now, or forever hold your peace,' Mad Uncle Zortan jumps up and shouts, 'Yes! I know of Cause or Just Impediment!' Then he chuckles wickedly, continuing, 'I shan't tell ye… but ye'll all find out soon enough! Har…' before storming out of the church. 

Upon hearing this, Wilson visibly blanched. 

'I don't think I'd like that!' he declared. 'I shall make certain that all the ushers are given a copy of that photograph and strict instructions not to admit him!'

The uninvited guest...

Polly-B, with Billi-B in attendance for moral support, approached Wilson this morning. They were both wearing inconsolably desolate expressions and for a moment I feared that the wedding might be off.

Polly produced a Polaroid of a fearsome-looking insect, saying that this was her Uncle Zortan. Mad Uncle Zortan.

Billi added that they had just received his RSVP to the wedding, even though he had not been invited.

The rumour in Polly's family is that his mother was a feral wasp.

Incidentally, Wilson has asked that I remind everyone (as though you could possible forget!) that today is World Rubber Eraser Day.

Finishing touches

Watched by an admiring, if slightly paint-spattered group of spectators, Wilson is putting the finishing touches to his bee hive. 

IMPORTANT: CHANGE OF DATE!

Many, many of Wilson's friends have been in touch to point out that the date set for the bees' wedding is Friday 13th — surely an inauspicious day for a marriage! 

After much heart searching and lengthy discussions with the betrothed couple, he has graciously agreed to forego World Lumpy Rug Day so that the bee nuptials can take place then.

Accordingly, please change the date in your diaries to Saturday 3 May — that's less than three weeks away, so you'd better start looking for suitable wedding presents! 

Wilson is now in the garden, Pollyfilling the holes and painting his bee hive pink and white.

Also, quite a bit of the grass. 

And himself.