Ant Wars 2: MARKET RESEARCH

Yesterday I suggested to Wilson that perhaps he should do some Market Research about the design of the packaging for his and Arnold's Tinned Termites project.

 

He took my suggestion surprisingly well, and this morning he made a presentation to what he calls his Focus Group – and discovered that the termite image on his Tinned Termites design was not universally popular.

 

While he and Byron agreed that the termites on the tin looked 'well succulent' some of the others disagreed.

 

Even those with the most catholic of tastes found the image – particularly the wings – 'a bit yucky…'

 

Still, that's the whole point of Focus Groups and Market Research: to find out what people *really* think.

 

Consequently, the can has been redesigned, with less emphasis on the food itself, more on its nourishing qualities and allegedly delicious taste…

 

I think it looks much better now – although I wouldn't want to eat it – or even touch the tin, actually…

 

You can see it tomorrow when Wilson makes his Client Presentation to Arnold!

 

 

TERMITE PACKAGING

With the opening event at the gallery now behind him, Wilson has turned his thoughts to designing the packaging for his friend Arnold's* Termite business.

 

Here he is discussing his first dummy can with Marketing Manager Antony, before he adds the text – what do you think?

 

I think it looks perfectly vile, but then, I'm not a great lover of insects.

 

Except for Bumble Bees – I think they're great, and I'm only sorry they're having such a tough time recently…

 

I might have a quiet word with the boys about doing a bit of Market Research…

______

 

*Arnold – IG: the.gourmet.anteater 

 

 

EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP

No visit to any attraction managed by Wilson would be complete without a visit to the Gift Shop.

 

Here you can purchase many beautiful souvenirs of your visit to The Vermilingua Contemporary and Byron's Retrospective show, including: charming decorative Memphis-style rocking anteater ornaments and delightful Souvenir Paint Remover!

 

Please be aware that cashier Uncle Zoltan is finding the new Fisher-Price Contactless Card Reader a bit confusing, which is making him quite… testy. 

 

Not to put too fine a point on it, he is irascible, ill-tempered and short-fused – to be frank, he's got a stinger and he knows how to use it, so please don't argue with him about, well, anything really!

 

This sadly concludes your visit to the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery and your viewing of the Byron Vermilingua Retrospective Exhibition – Wilson and Byron hope you have enjoyed your time here and will spend liberally on souvenirs to commemorate your tour of the gallery.

 

Although this is the final day of the current show, in his untiring and tenacious efforts to meet your ongoing artistic needs Wilson has negotiated the loan of an 'extremely famous' painting from an American gallery. He'll show it to you as soon as it arrives and has been safely hung.

 

Today: he is trying to obtain a cheap deal on insuring its passage across the Atlantic…

 

Tomorrow: something completely different!

 

 

ARTIST AT WORK: GESTURAL ABSTRACTION

Here, at last, is the day you've possibly been waiting for: the day when Byron demonstrates the art of Gestural Abstraction.

 

GA (aka Action Painting) can get a bit messy, so I hope you heeded yesterday's warning about not wearing your best clothes!

 

Of course, if you are at all nervous about this you could always hire an umbrella or buy a disposable protective poncho in the Gift Shop.

 

Byron is in the middle of the gallery channelling Norman Bluhm or Jackson Pollock at their chaotic messiest – he stands in a maelstrom of paint, covered in multicoloured smudges and splashes, while behind him hangs a work he completed earlier.

 

Please don't touch this as the paint is still wet – it will be available for purchase once it has dried out!

 

If you do happen to get some paint on your clothes, feel free to avail yourself of a bottle of Souvenir Paint Remover from the Gift Shop.

 

Ant Wars 2: RETROSPECTIVE DAY 4: ABSTRACT MINIMALISM

Here you can see Nërp answering a visitor's questions about Abstract Minimalism and the artist.

Nërp answered all the young lady's questions in a professional and erudite manner although… well, if I didn't know better I'd swear he was flirting with her!

When I think of all the useful modules Nërp doesn't have installed, yet he does have this one! 🙄

Tomorrow, the final day of Byron's Retrospective Show, we have something quite special for you – Byron will be giving a demonstration of Gestural Abstract Painting!

This promises to be very interesting and exciting, although he has asked me to warn you against wearing your best clothes…

RETROSPECTIVE DAY 3: COLOUR FIELD PAINTING

Today the Bees are in charge of supervising visitors.

 

The Bees are famous for not knowing much about art, but knowing what they don't like… and they don't like anything which isn't a Nice Painting of Flowers, so I wouldn't ask them anything about Colour Field Painting.

 

On the other hand, if you feel a bit faint or are in need of some first aid or TLC, they are the ideal supervisors!

 

Tomorrow's Abstract Minimalism event will be supervised by Nërp, who knows almost everything about almost everything, and what he doesn't know he'll Google in real time.

 

Of course, Uncle Zoltan thinks of himself as the undisputed world expert on modern art and everything else… although no one has ever seen any evidence of this whatsoever – which is why he's safely confined to the Gift Shop.

 

Speaking of Uncle Zoltan, when you get to the Gift Shop please don't argue with him – he's not very happy working there and is quite keen to demonstrate his Stinger.

 

You have been warned…

 

 

RETROSPECTIVE DAY 2: ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONISM

Wilson, in full protective snoutmask, supervises a visitor as he admires one of Byron's paintings.

 

Speaking of protective measures, several of you have questioned the requirement to 'sterilise your eyes' between exhibits.

 

I've spoken to Wilson about this, and it's not as bad as it sounds – all you are asked to do is close your eyes for a few seconds to clear the mind between one painting and the next. 

 

It's an Aesthetic Sterilisation rather than anything to do with infection control and was apparently included on the list in error… which I am extremely relieved to hear!

 

Tomorrow: Colour Field Painting – so there's something to look forward to… or not. 

 

Visitor Supervision will be provided by Polly and Billi, so you'll be in safe (if not terribly knowledgable) hands. Tarsi.