22/10/2016

INVESTMENT MANAGEMENT

This morning we took Byron back to the zoo so he could be with his family once more.

All his (many) siblings and half-siblings were very pleased to see him again, and greeted his carved pumpkin as a thing of great wonder!


As we drove back to Uckfield, Wilson asked me to drop him off in the village, as he wanted to visit a Financial Advisor for some investment advice.


I waited in the car park until he had finished and he returned to the car for a lift home. 


The advice he wanted, it transpires, was to be told how to convert £17.50 into £1M before his next birthday; the financial advisor advised him that it was not possible to do this legally and without serious risk of losing his original investment. 


This strikes me as very sound advice!


W shrugged and said that if he couldn't convert his £17.50 into £1M within a reasonable period, we might as well spend it on a holiday.


'We can just fit one in before Xmas and me being Best Man at a dear friend's wedding,' he explained, adding that he's heard great things about a seaside resort called Weston-Super-Market...



21/10/2016

PUMPKINTASTIC!

Following a night in which nobody got much sleep, both Byron and Wilson were very tired this morning. 

However, Byron will be returning to the Zoo tomorrow, so this is his last full day here, and he's determined not to waste a minute of it. 


Accordingly, they have both popped down to Tesco in the village, to choose Pumpkins for Hallowe'en, then they'll spend the afternoon carving them. 


I've given them money to buy one each, so they don't have to spend their precious earnings... and so that they buy only ONE pumpkin each! It's all too easy to get carried away at this time of year...



19/10/2016

TOO EXCITED TO SLEEP

Wilson and Byron have implemented a Profit Sharing policy, splitting the earnings from the Wildlife Petting Zoo and Anteater Experience straight down the middle — £17.50 each — leaving me to foot the (not-inconsiderable) 'below-the-line' costs. Whatever that means.

Apart from the charge to my VISA card, this seems very fair, as although Byron did most of the work impersonating wild animals, the Petting Zoo was Wilson's original idea and he did all the planning and organisation.


When they went to bed last night, it soon became clear they were FAR too excited to sleep... and so it proved.


Sadly, Byron will have to return to the zoo soon — it's a pleasure having him here, but he's starting to miss his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, and his many, many siblings and half-siblings...





17/10/2016

ACCOUNTS

Looking over the Accounts for the Wild Animal Petting Zoo and Anteater Experience, Wilson observed that while attendance figures were a little disappointing, takings were higher than he'd expected.

Detailed analysis of the accounts reveals that while I was the only visitor, I did have a go on everything... although it did not escape W's notice that I appeared not to have paid for the Pet-a-Wild-Animal Experience, nor to Meet a Tibetan Flying Pig


However, the Bottom Line of £34 both he and Byron found entirely satisfactory.


I pointed out that the accounts didn't show any expenses — such as hiring the weighing machine, for example — but W explained that those are 'Below The Line' costs, and as such are never shown on accounts. 


Uncle Zoltan nodded knowledgeably at this, adding that since Wilson had used my VISA card to pay for everything, there was no need to take them into consideration at all...



16/10/2016

PROFIT AND LOSS

While the children gorged themselves on the home-made cake Uncle Zoltan had baked for them, Wilson and Byron watched with bated breath while Uncle Z typed out the Accounts for the Uckfield Wildlife Petting Zoo and Anteater Experience.

Uncle Z claimed some familiarity with dual-entry bookkeeping, and I have to admit that, with his antique typewriter and Victorian dress he looked every bit the part. Like Scrooge from A Christmas Carol...


Occasionally the anticipation would get too much for one of the anteaters, and they'd burst out, 'Are we rich yet?'


Uncle Z  would groan theatrically, remove the sheet of paper from his typewriter and shout, 'Now you've made me lose count! I shall have to start all over again!' screw the paper into a ball and toss it onto the floor...


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