12/12/2015

THE REAL MEANING OF CHRISTMAS

Like a consummate professional, Wilson made all his arrangements and technical adjustments before summoning his models to the set.

He got a bit dizzy using the camera, because he hadn't expected the little image in the back to be upside-down — at first he thought the camera must be broken, but I explained that it was quite normal.


Before Wilson puts on his Nativity Play, I wanted to check whether he was confused concerning what Xmas is really about, so before his models arrived I sat him down and I asked him whether he understood the Real Meaning of Xmas.


'Oh yes!' he replied confidently. 'It was invented by the Hallmark Card Company and the Brussels Sprout Marketing Board to celebrate the cold weather, and now it's sponsored by John Lewis, TESCO, Amazon and VISA to make sure the shops keep going through the winter!'


So that's cleared that up...



11/12/2015

FAMILY GROUP PHOTO

Before I had a chance to discuss the Real Meaning of Xmas with Wilson, he disappeared into his 'Museum' (ie the Garden Shed) emerging some time later with a big old plate camera and a tripod.

He told me that instead of buying Xmas cards this year he will be sending out an Xmas Family Photograph!


I no longer have the facilities to process or print sheet film myself, and I can't imagine what the Chemist will make of it when W turns up there with an exposed 5"x4" dark-slide and his pocket-money!



10/12/2015

AN EMBARRASSING ENCOUNTER

I was caught off-guard yesterday by Wilson's remark about wanting to be sure everyone understood the 'Real Meaning of Xmas' as I'm not sure he has any clear idea himself.

I was on my way to speak to him about this when something caught my eye in the living room — a sight more unexpected, more shocking even than Radical Feminist and Bee's Rights Campaigner Billi standing at the top of the Xmas tree waving a fairy wand: UNCLE ZOLTAN standing at the top of the Xmas tree waving a fairy wand.


As soon as he saw me he became flustered, explaining that he was just checking what the view was like from the top of the tree, whilst carrying out a Health and Safety Inspection. 


He shuffled his feet a bit, put down the fairy wand and said, 'Well, the inspection is now complete. Full marks. Jolly good. Um... I think you should check the wiring on the, er, the fairy lights.' 


Then, lowering his voice, he added, 'I don't think there's any need to mention this to the others. Especially that ant-eater!' and with that, he left the room. 


Blushing.



09/12/2015

BEHOLD A STAR IN THE EAST

Following Billi's adventure on the Xmas Tree yesterday, she made it absolutely clear to me today that her brief stint at Fairying was strictly a one-off, and I was not going to oppress her by making her stand up there all Xmas! 

Nothing had been further from my mind, but I assumed a suitably chastened expression and agreed.


Wilson's in the garden building a Stable so he can put on a Nativity Play later — he wants to be certain that everyone understands the Real Meaning of Xmas...



08/12/2015

NEW FAIRY ON THE BLOCK

When I came down to breakfast this morning, Polly the Bee was in the kitchen making an espresso. 

When she saw me she smiled and pointed to the living room, telling me to go in quietly and take a look at the Xmas Tree.


When I did so, imagine my amazement at seeing Billi standing right at the top of the tree with a Fairy Wand in her hand and a pair of reindeer antlers clipped to her head! 


I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd found Polly up there, but her partner Billi is the most unfeminine, politically radical and tomboyish bee I've ever known!


I said Good Morning to Billi and she beamed down at me, waving her wand over me like a benediction, intoning 'Happy Xmas, Wilson's New Dad!'...




07/12/2015

DRESSING THE TREE

Amid much jollity, the Xmas Tree is being decorated! 

Xmas music is playing on the wireless and everyone is helping hand baubles etc to Wilson and offer him (usually unwelcome) advice on where he should hang them. 


Polly and Billi have popped into the kitchen to mull some more wine for everyone, just to maintain the atmosphere of maximum overexcitement! 


I fear Tiny Toy has already had too much wine, as he appears to be fast asleep on the floor. I hope he doesn't wake with a headache — he becomes quite fractious then... 






06/12/2015

DOCTOR SCHRODINGER'S BEAUTIFUL TRAVELLING COMPANION

Dr Who Spoiler Alert!

Seems Wilson and I were BOTH right — the lovely Clara is both alive AND dead. Though not simultaneously. And not in a box.


Last night, as we watched Doctor Who, there was not a dry eye in the house. Apart from sToneye's, because he couldn't see what was going on. I must have a word with W about taking his 'Mummy from the Black Lagoon' bandages off... 


Now we must wait until Xmas afternoon for the Dr Who Xmas Special to see how things resolve themselves...


This morning Wilson went into the loft to retrieve the Xmas Tree and the boxes of decorations — he doesn't like it up there, because it's dark and cobwebby, but he managed to bring everything down without serious mishap.


Tomorrow we decorate the tree, and everyone is very excited*.


*TOTALLY over the top.