THE REAL MEANING OF CHRISTMAS

Like a consummate professional, Wilson made all his arrangements and technical adjustments before summoning his models to the set.

He got a bit dizzy using the camera, because he hadn't expected the little image in the back to be upside-down — at first he thought the camera must be broken, but I explained that it was quite normal.

Before Wilson puts on his Nativity Play, I wanted to check whether he was confused concerning what Xmas is really about, so before his models arrived I sat him down and I asked him whether he understood the Real Meaning of Xmas.

'Oh yes!' he replied confidently. 'It was invented by the Hallmark Card Company and the Brussels Sprout Marketing Board to celebrate the cold weather, and now it's sponsored by John Lewis, TESCO, Amazon and VISA to make sure the shops keep going through the winter!'

So that's cleared that up...