31/03/2018

GOOD SATURDAY

As arranged, I met young Byron at the Bus Station, drove him home and escorted him through the garden to Wilson’s 'Asteroid Shelter.'

After a few minutes of shouting and stamping on the ground, Wilson’s head emerged, blinking in the daylight.


‘Has it crashed yet?’ he asked, ‘Did it miss us? The Wi-Fi signal isn’t very good down here…’


‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ Byron replied. ‘I didn’t come all this way to sit in a wet hole in the ground – I came to help you develop… well…’ he touched one claw to the side of his nose, ‘You-Know-What! The Secret Project!’


‘But what about Tiangong-1 crashing on Uckfield and killing everyone?’ W protested. 


Nërp interrupted, saying, ’The Tiangong-1 Space Station’s orbit does not even pass over Uckfield. It does not even pass over most of Europe. I have calculated the chances of it landing anywhere in Sussex as…’ – he made a brief whirring sound, not unlike wheels spinning – ‘Zero. The Space Station will NOT kill you here. Probabilities for other locations may vary.’


Reluctantly, Wilson climbed out of his Shelter, dusted the soil, mud and a few surprised worms from his fur and followed Byron and Nërp into the house.



30/03/2018

NOT-GOOD FRIDAY

Somehow, despite my best efforts, Wilson has learned that Tiangong-1 – the 8½ tonne Chinese Space Station – is due to crash into the Earth at 17,000 mph this weekend.

Consequently he has grabbed Antony and Tiny Toy and retired to his Asteroid Shelter for Easter.


He asked whether he could have his Easter Eggs early, since I would ‘probably’ be dead by Sunday, and so unable to give them to him.


I promised him that I WOULD still be alive and well on Sunday, and would give him his eggs then.


He countered my assurance by telling me that, as a practicing Pastafarian, he was entitled to his Easter Eggs early, due to some unlikely edict by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.


Not wishing to be accused of Religious Discrimination, I allowed him one Cadbury’s Creme Egg.


His final message to me was to ask me to meet Byron at the Bus Station, bring him home and escort him to the Asteroid Shelter where they would ride out the End Of The World together, while sharing a Creme Egg.


I promised I would carry out his wishes… and passed him another Creme Egg – for Byron.



28/03/2018

I AM HELD PRISONER

I’d hoped to go out today, but Wilson said ‘someone’ (he stared pointedly at me as he said this) would have to stay at home to sign for a delivery he’s expecting from Amazon, while he goes out to finish some graffiti project he’s in the middle of.

Before he left he asked whether his half-brother Byron could come to stay over Easter.


Byron, or ‘Biro’ as W calls him, is no trouble at all, and I hope having him here will distract Wilson from his graffiti obsession – he’ll run out of walls soon.


Anyway, I’ve agreed that little Byron is welcome to stay as long as his mother, Mrs Vermilingua, agrees.



26/03/2018

MR LEONARD COHEN

Here, at last, is the piece of work that Wilson has been talking about for so long: a tribute to his musical hero, Mr Leonard Cohen!

(Please don’t touch it – he only finished it last night, and some of the paint is still a little bit wet.)


He says that if anyone would like to buy a print of this piece – or even own the original by buying the actual wall* – they are welcome to make him an offer at the usual address.
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* Dismantling and delivery not included

 

25/03/2018

BRITISH SUMMER TIME

This is the first day of British Summer Time [Daylight Saving] and I had expected Wilson to spend most of the day changing the clocks – putting some of them forward an hour, some back an hour, forgetting which ones he’d already done etc and generally wreaking levels Temporal Chaos normally only experienced in the TARDIS during a re-boot.

Some of you, however, will remember his invention of a clock that doesn’t need adjusting: The Mk2 Winter And Summer Timekeeping Equipment or ‘WASTE’ clock.


Today he showed me something he’s been working on in secret – the Mk2 WASTE Clock ‘Mister Juicy Special Edition,’ in memory of his late friend and collaborator, Mr Juicy The Talking Orange, and proceeded to mount it on the wall…
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Oh, W has just reminded me to mention the Leonard Cohen Wall which he hopes to unveil tomorrow – he says he’s expecting it to cause ‘a bit of a stir’ in both street art and musical circles.


I hope that’s in a good way…