TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY

'Ere it be a laarst!

Talk like a gentleman o' fortune day be an important date in any anteater's calendarrr – a'more so fer Pastafarian anteaters – so today marks the culmination o' much preparation!

 

Nërp an' th' bees be a-joinin' in this here year, although I be not entirely certain Pirate Nërp fully understood the dress code orders.

 

Whatever, 'e be most useful fer translatin' the odd piratical phrase aft into Lubber Talk… unless 'e 'as too much grog, when 'is senses sink t' th briny deep an' e be as smart as a barrel o' bilge!

 

Enjoy yersen on this most propitious o' days, keep yer Cutlass sharp an' yer powder dry me boyos!

 

Now Splice th' Mainbrace an' be quick about it!

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🏴‍☠️ It's always struck me as odd that the "Pirates of the Caribbean" DVD had a piracy warning – Yarrr!

 

 

STRANGE NOTE

This morning I discovered what I can only describe as a warning note magnetted to the fridge door.

The note advised me that unless I talked like a pirate tomorrow – International Talk Like A Pirate Day – nobody would understand what I was talking about.

 

I take this to mean that Wilson will pretend not to know what I'm talking about, but in order to enter into the spirit of the event I shall dig out my Pirate-English-Pirate Translation Dictionary and do my best…

 

In place of the original message I left a note asking whether Nërp could possibly repair the fridge door now the heatwave has passed.

 

Only one sleep to go until the Big Day: unless you're an anteater, of course, in which case there's about seven – anteaters do sleep a lot – it's Nature's Way of keeping them out of mischief!

 

ALSO: by staying up very late last night, Wilson has just managed to design a free Pirate Mask for you to wear tomorrow on Talk Like A Pirate Day!

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🏴‍☠️ A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor says: “They’re benign.” The pirate replies: “no, no doc, there be 11. I counted 'em before I came here.” – Yarrr!

 

 

 

CUT-OUT PIRATE FIGURE

You might be wondering why Talk Like A Pirate Day seems like such a big deal to Wilson and Byron. 

I don't fully understand the reasons, but for anteaters it is second only to Xmas in the calendar of celebrations, and it is particularly significant to Pastafarians – so for Pastafarian Anteaters you can imagine the anticipation and excitement involved! 

In keeping with the spirit of the day, here's something to decorate your Mess Room while you're having dinner on TLaP day.  

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In other news, the Blog was nine years old yesterday – Happy Birthday, Blog! Help it celebrate by telling all your friends about it: https://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/

FREE CAR WINDOW STICKER

Wilson has asked me to point out that these car window or bumper stickers have accidentally been printed on a rare pirate treasure map, so please don't throw them away – but don't go searching for the treasure without him!

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🏴‍☠️ What happened when Bluebeard the Pirate fell overboard in the Red Sea? He got marooned –Yarrr!

 

 

PRINTABLE PIRATE BEER MATS

Aha – I know what's been going on!

 

It's only a few days until International Talk Like A Pirate Day, and yesterday the would-be Pirates were busy printing Pirate Merchandise!

 

Apparently the printer has run out of ink, so here is a sheet of beer mats or drinks coasters for you to print out yourself – using YOUR printer ink instead of MINE! 

 

They'll come in handy if you happen to spill a drop of Grog – or Blood – come Talk Like a Pirate Day!

 

 

CLANDESTINE ACTIVITY

After the tension of yesterday's confrontation with Andrew, I was really looking forward to a hearty breakfast this morning… but I have been locked out of the dining room!

In other news, I can't find Wilson, Byron or Nërp.

 

Even Jīqìrén is not in her customary place slumped in front of the tv watching cartoons.

 

I can hear movement and low voices in the dining room, and the printer sounds as though it's on overdrive.

 

The sTone Brothers have been posted outside the door to repel intruders, but even they won't tell me what's occurring.

 

Something is definitely going on – but in the meantime, I suppose I shall have to eat in the kitchen…

 

 

VERDICT

Nobody was looking forward to telling Andrew the outcome of yesterday's Family Meeting.

When the time came to break the news, Wilson grew visibly nervous, putting on a protective anorak and a hard hat before venturing outside to confront the bird.

 

Dave the Pig accompanied him in his role of Guard Piglet, although I think he'd have preferred not to be there, and all the insects and younger toys wisely remained indoors for their own safety.

 

I think Andrew may have guessed which way the decision had gone, as he belligerently strutted out to confront Wilson – the new sign on the beach hut door might have been a clue. 

 

He strode up to Wilson and began to Guilt Trip him, reminding him of what mates they'd been back in the day.

 

Byron tried a conciliatory approach, holding out the lunch box and explaining, 'We prepared this for you so you're not hungry on your trip.'

 

Andrew strode aggressively over to where Byron had placed the box and fluttered up to grasp the handle.

 

After a moment's vigorous flapping, he announced, 'I can't lift it, I'm too weak from malnourishment. What have you put in it anyway – lead weights?'

 

Byron replied that it was full of Cheesy Wotsits, and some Honey Sandwiches from Polly.

 

Andrew grudgingly conceded that he might just give it a once-over if anyone could be bothered to undo the catch for him.

 

An hour later, after Andrew had departed – leaving behind nothing but an empty lunch box, a bad atmosphere and a small pile of guano – Wilson announced cheerfully, 'Well, that didn't go too badly; at least nobody was maimed or lost an eye…'