Ant Wars 2: UNHOLIDAY: POST OFFICE

Next we reached what used to be, before the collapse of High Street shopping, the Post Office.

 

While Byron pretended to admire the nondescript inter-war-years architecture, Wilson asked, 'Do you think we should send a Holiday Postcard to our Mum?

We could put:

❝Dear Mrs V

We're having a lovely time on our holiday in Uckfield, where we live anyway.

So far we've visited the Car Park, a haunted house and an Undertaker's – although no-one is dead…yet.

All the shops are closed.

Tomorrow we might go to the Cinema, although it's closed too, due to lockdown.

I hope you are well and washing your paws a lot.

From your loving sons,

Wilson and Byron.❞

 

UNHOLIDAY DAY 4: A VISIT TO THE UNDERTAKER

The next 'Attraction' we came upon was the Undertakers' [Morticians'] Shop.

Such are the morbid interests of young boys that they both pressed their noses against the glass, hoping to catch a glimpse of some dead bodies, or at least some coffins.

 

I am happy to say they were disappointed in this endeavour.

 

I was quite relieved to get away as I was still a bit unnerved by the allegedly 'haunted' house we'd recently passed, not to mention the candlelit ghost stories on Hallowe'en night…

 

 

UNHOLIDAY: A MYSTERIOUS BUILDING

In the normal course of events today, November 5, would be Fireworks- or Guy Fawks-Night, but sadly these are not normal times.

So not-normal are they that today is, in fact, Day 1 of Lockdown 2.

 

All thoughts of fireworks have therefore been banished from our minds, but we continue to explore our 'holiday destination' of Uckfield – Jewel Of The Weald!

 

Making our way from the car park to the High Street we came upon a mysterious building.

 

None of us had ever noticed it before, probably because it was so nondescript as to be almost invisible!

Wilson examined it warily and from a safe distance, before announcing that he could see a 'well spooky face' peering out of one of the windows! 

 

Consequently, he declared that the building was 'almost certainly' haunted and we should leave immediately. 

 

Nervously, we hurried on towards Uckfield's Retail Centre and the reassurance of other, living souls…

 

 

UNHOLIDAY: CAR PARK

The rain has now stopped and we've been able to leave our 'hotel', so this is effectively the first day of our Unholiday!

We've driven round to the car park so we can explore our 'Holiday Destination' – the quaint East Sussex village of Uckfield – and discover what many delights it has to offer.

In even the prettiest and exotic of holiday destinations, the car park is rarely anything to get excited about, but Byron has entered into the spirit of things by looking round, reading the Parking Regulations sign and admiring the antennas on the roof of the nearby Police Station with an expression of feigned interest.

Wilson is finding it a bit more difficult to suspend his disbelief and enter into this make-believe world, but I'm not giving up on him yet – I'm determined to make this 'holiday' a success…

 

UNHOLIDAY: DAY 1

Today is the first day of our UNHoliday, and it is too wet to leave the 'hotel' – but I suppose that's what happens if you choose to holiday in November, 'the most disagreeable month in the whole year'…

 

Wilson rose for breakfast in the 'Dining Room' (breakfast served 07h00 – 09h30) then retired to the 'Bar' (living room) where he drank cocktails and made use of the Free Wi-Fi until lunchtime.

 

Nërp has decided not to participate in the UnHoliday as he says his Suspension Of Disbelief module was not installed and he thinks he'd have problems pretending that Uckfield is an unfamiliar but interesting holiday destination when it truth he knows it is neither.

 

I'm sure it's not just Nërp – I think most robots would have a bit of a problem playing Let's Pretend!

 

Byron, however, is up for giving it his best shot.

 

Given that there's no real alternative, I still think this is a good idea for a lockdown holiday – if you try it yourself in your own town, let us know how it goes!

 

LOCKDOWN HOLIDAY SUGGESTION

Wilson, Byron and Nërp have been doing little but play Hungry, Hungry Hippos recently, so it's little wonder they're bored.

Wilson confronted me today, saying that if he didn't have a holiday soon he wouldn't be responsible for his actions.

 

By this time of year, we would normally have had about three holidays, but so far we've had none.

 

I can well sympathise with his feelings, but the whole of the UK is in various different states of lockdown with many restrictions on movement, so a real holiday is sadly out of the question.

 

However, I've had an idea – I don't know whether it will help, but I'll put it to him anyway.

 

'How would it be', I asked, 'if we went to the lovely village of Uckfield for a few days?'

 

'Uckfield?' he replied, 'That's where we live! Are you starting to lose it, New Dad?'

 

'Hear me out,' I continued, 'what if we pretend our house is a hotel, and we pretend we haven't been living here for years? We could go into town and look at it with "new eyes", seeing it as though for the first time. What do you think – should we give it a try?'

 

I sensed that he was deeply unimpressed, but he shrugged and said it couldn't be much worse than being stuck indoors all day playing Hungry Hippos…

 

Even after the new government regulations come into force on Thursday we'll be able to exercise as a Family Group, so legally we'll be in the clear – why not join us on our virtual tour of the little East Sussex village of Uckfield?

 

 

BEES' BLOG: WALK OF SHAME

Hello, we are Polly and Billi the Bees. 

 

Welcome to our Guest Blog, and to November.

 

Joseph Addison called this 'The gloomy month of November, when the people of England hang and drown themselves.' 

 

Or as Sarah Teasdale expressed a similar thought, 'The world is tired, the year is old, The faded leaves are glad to die.'

 

I'm sorry, we don't mean to bring you down, it's just that we've been up all night partying, Waggle Dancing and getting Blootered on Mead, and now we're both feeling a bit tired – altogether more Furry Mouthed than Bushy Tailed…

 

Anyway, we've been the Bees and we'll see you again next month.

 

Until then BEEEEEE Good: Wear a Mask, Keep 2m Apart and Carry On Washing Your Tarsi!

 

We're off to have a bit of a lie-down now to sleep it off – aren't we the Luckiest Girls in New York?