Hello, welcome, we are 🐝 Polly and 🐝 Billi The Bees, and we're a bit worried…
As you know, even in the face of Death by Pesticide we Bees like to put a Brave Face On Things, to smile through the tears, so to speak, because as Ms Davina McCall once said, 'Nobody wants to see a Sad Bee' – but there's just no getting around this.
We have just left the EU, with all its brilliant wildlife and animal protection programmes and policies – and because of that our dear friend Wilson has gone into hiding, living underground and eating worms!
Now we're not in the EU any more, Wilson is certain he's about to be deported to Costa Rica as an Undesirable Alien… or possibly an Illegal Immigrant, we can't remember which.
Anyway, we can't bear to think of him and his poor brother Byron living in the damp earth and eating invertebrates, so we're going to have a word with his New Dad to see if he can't tempt him out and reassure him.
So, we've been The Bees and we're not happy.
We're actually extremely anxious, perturbed, concerned, distressed, fretful and agitated. Also apprehensive, fearful and afraid.
We'll probably see you again next month, and until then, BEEEEE KIND WHEN POSSIBLE!
(PS – it's always possible…)
Tomorrow night at 23h00GMT the UK officially leaves the European Union 🇪🇺 😢
Wilson is convinced that he will immediately be deported, so he and his half-brother Byron have decided to seek sanctuary by hiding in what used to be his Asteroid Shelter.
Honestly, I blame myself for letting him watch The Diary Of Anne Frank on tv over the weekend, but I can't change that now.
Mole the Mole, skilled in the art of underground living, has imparted much valuable advice – although most of it concerns choosing the best kind of worms to eat.
I can't see Wilson, a staunch vegetarian, being prepared to do that…
Wilson has got a lot on his mind at the moment.
The UK officially leaves the European Union on Friday night, and he is convinced that by Saturday morning officials from the Immigration Office will arrive, tear him from my side and deport him to Costa Rica.
Not that he's got anything against Costa Rica – it's just that he's never been there in his life and won't know anyone.
So in an attempt to distract him, we all settled down to watch Star Trek Picard, the new Star Trek series which sees Jean-Luc retired and farming wine on a vinyard in France.
W celebrated by opening a bottle of Chateau Picard Labarre vintage 2267!
I have no idea and I didn't ask, but it was delicious – full-bodied and fruity, and gratifyingly free of ants!
I'm sure W's fears about deportation are mostly unfounded, although in these times who can be certain?
If he does get repatriated, he won't even be able to finish watching Star Trek Picard…
Following his recent interview with Uckfield FM, Wilson has come to realise that – being altogether too honest, principled and trustworthy – he is not really cut out for a life in politics.
Moreover, he has confessed to me that fees accruing from Sloth Party membership are 'disappointing', so he has dissolved the Party (much in the manner of Change UK) and taken steps to de-register The Sloth Party with the Electoral Commission.
Instead, he has reverted to his role of inventor/entrepreneur and designed: THE BORISBOARD®™
This is simply a darts board bearing a likeness of the eponymous leader looking smug and stupid. I say 'simply' but Wilson assures me that – like all Great Inventions – its beauty lies in its simplicity…
He predicts 'Brisk sales' of the BorisBoard®™ to disgruntled Labour Party and Liberal Democrat supporters.
Also paid-up ex-members of The Sloth Party, to whom he will offer a 'modest' discount.
