Following the Bees' Dance Class yesterday Wilson did briefly Waggle Dance, but quickly complained that it gave him a 'stitch' and he had to sit down and sleep for the rest of the day.
When he finally woke he admitted that he did feel fitter, happier and lighter, although that was doubtless from the doze.
Today though, he and Byron have been busy in the Library performing what they call a Reading Room Refurbishment.
I asked whether any structural work would be involved – demolition of walls for instance – but Wilson assured me that all the modifications would be cosmetic, involving nothing more than a small screwdriver.
Reassured that Planning Permission would not be required, I foolishly assumed that they'd be putting up a new shelf or rearranging the books.
When I was invited in to admire their work, my supposition turned out to be some distance from the truth.
Hello, we are 🐝 Polly and 🐝 Billi the Bees, this is our Guest Blog and we'd like to wish you a Very Happy Mayday!
Lockdown is no fun for anyone – Wilson and his brother Byron have put on some weight, Wilson's New Dad has constantly got his head in the fridge and even we have put on a few grams!
But when the sun is shining there's nothing like a bit of exercise to help you feel fitter, happier and lighter – and the best kind of exercise is dancing!
As you know, we bees are famous for doing the Waggle Dance, and now we're going to teach you how to Waggle Dance like Bees!
We're always waggle-dancing in the garden, but we realise it might be easier for you to understand the moves if you watched some humans doing it, so just take a look at this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of0uRvQ7CYE
You don't have to wear deely-boppers, but it really does help!
Come on now, all together, one, two, three, four and
Waggle Waggle Waggle Waggle Waggle, and,
Waggle Waggle Waggle Waggle Waggle,
and rest.
Take a moment to catch your breath, because you're probably not used to working as hard as bees!
So we've been the Bees and we'll see you all again next month. Until then, KEEEEEEEP WAGGLE-DANCING!
It's now several years since Wilson (somewhat grudgingly) agreed to allow Polly and Billi the Bees to guest host his Blog on the first day of every month.
While he doesn't really approve of bees blogging, he is an anteater of his word and wouldn't dream of reneging on his promise… although he does his best to discourage people from reading what the bees have to say, fearing that it dilutes the purity of his own message.
Anyway, today he has something for you, which he describes as a consolation gift to make up for not being able to read what he would have said tomorrow if he weren't graciously giving way to the bees.
It's a couple of badges commemorating the stoical manner in which you handled the shortage of toilet paper and pasta during the early days of lockdown.
I hope your supplies ARE now restored to normal, otherwise this might appear a rather… well, insensitive gift.
_______
The Bees have mentioned that they've got something special planned for tomorrow – something they've never blogged about before which is guaranteed keep you cheerful during lockdown.
From past experience, I'd advise you to manage your expectations and not get too excited…
Taking care not to dislodge his Papal Pretiosa Byron slowly sat up and, resting his back against the Malign Meteor, took up the commentary.
'Wilson's account,' he began, 'while entertaining, was not entirely accurate. First exhibited in 1999 at the Kunsthalle Basel, La Nona Hora (which actually means "The Ninth Hour" – the supposed hour of Christ's death) was later shown in Warsaw at the Zacheta Gallery.'
He paused briefly to adjust his hat, then continued, 'Poland is 85 per cent Roman Catholic, and at the Zacheta Gallery it caused a real shitstorm: two members of Poland’s Parliament removed the rock from on top of the wax Pope and tried to stand the figure upright.
'After the controversy had died down a bit, the artist avoided any specific interpretation of the work and modestly advised that “La Nona Ora could simply be a bad joke taken too seriously, an exercise in absurdity […] In the end it is only a piece of wax.”'
I was very impressed by Byrons commentary and gave him a generous tip.
Whatever you may think of this blog, you can't say it's not educational!
A few days ago the sTone Brothers set the bar pretty high with their artwork Sunny Side Up but Wilson and Byron are determined not to be outdone.
Making our way to the entrance of Vermilingua Contemporary Wilson tried to prepare me for what I was about to see.
'The original of this work, La Nona Hora (1999) by Maurizio Cattelan,' he explained, 'was actually a Sculpture made to commemorate the tragic death of Pope Jean-Luc II who died when he was hit on the head by a meteor in 1999. The title is a terrible Italian Curse which when translated means "Your Grandmother is a…"'
He trailed off into silence, blushed, coughed and continued, 'Well, it doesn't really matter what the translation means, but the original was recently sold for $3 million – which is why we have a recreation here rather than the original, skilfully recreated by internationally-acclaimed performance artist Byron Vermilingua!'
As I entered the gallery space I saw Wilson's brother Byron, wearing the hat Wilson bought when he applied to be Pope, lying unconscious on the floor. I ran over to him and asked, 'Byron, are you all right?'
Wilson stopped me, saying that this was, in fact, the artwork.
'It depicts the actual moment the Pope is killed in an act of Divine Retributi…'
Wilson's commentary was cut short by the sudden arrival of Uncle Zoltan bearing a message from The Bees.
'An order has poured in for one of your Boris Johnson Dartboards,' he announced. 'Better late than never, I suppose, but Ms Polly says you'd better come and deal with it.'
Wilson asked Byron to continue the narrative of La Nona Hora and rushed back to the house.
TO BE CONTINUED…
This morning when I went into the kitchen I found Wilson and Byron drawing up a list of things to do once lockdown has been lifted.
It's a short list, and doesn't include any of the things I'm looking forward to doing once I'm allowed to leave the house, but I suppose anteaters have different priorities…
In other news, Wilson is still making (slow) progress on his Musical Theatre production Wilson and the Amazing Big Coat.
He's currently writing (ie changing some of the words from the original) 'The Brothers Came To Uckfield', 'Wilson's Dream Explained' and 'Poor Poor Byron'.
Wilson promised 'catchy feel-good songs' – none of these sounds very catchy, but I'm not familiar with the originals, and while I can't see this being the blockbusting commercial success Wilson is hoping for, it is keeping him out of mischief!
This morning Wilson was bemoaning the fact that because of the Covid-19 Pandemic there would be no Eurovision Song Contest this year.
Nërp replied that the VPRO Eurovision was still on and, although he realised it wasn't quite the same, maybe it would be better than nothing.
'VPRO?' Wilson demanded, 'What's that?'
Nërp explained that it was the system hosting Eurovision AI – the Eurovision for Robots.
'Songs are composed and performed by Artificial Intelligence,' he continued, 'then voted on for Lyrics, Originality and Eurovision-ness. It's very good!'
Nërp says that you can hear and vote on the entries here:
https://www.vprobroadcast.com/titles/ai-songcontest.html
Everyone immediately trooped into the living-room where Nërp beamed the website to the tv where we watched Eurovision-AI together.
It was… well… different.
When everyone had finished voting, Wilson gave his opinion: 'Politically naïve but clearly pushing the epistemological parameters of art as a construct of reality.'
This is exactly what he said about the sTone Brothers' installation piece – I wonder whether he's been reading Pseud's Corner in Private Eye?
