The Bees, being Owner-managers of their own football club (Uckfield Bees) have been taking a keen interest in the World Cup.
Consequently, they have prevailed on everyone to spend the afternoon sitting indoors in the stifling heat watching the England v Sweden quarter-final match on tv.
TBH, no-one else has much interest, although it’s hard not to be swept up by the general air of excitement prevailing throughout the country.
Uncle Zoltan is apparently supporting Sweden – but only because he is a natural contrarian!
When Wilson first saw his honey on toast, he said he wasn’t hungry and couldn’t face any food.
However, he took one bite, just to please The Bees, and it seems to have stimulated his appetite – barely an hour later has consumed quite a considerable meal and declared himself to be ‘Still sad… but full up!’
Once we were alone, I asked W why he had been summoned to the zoo in the first place.
‘Well, New Dad,’ he began, ‘my Big Sister Andrea thought she was going to have a pup, and she wanted me to be her Birthing Partner – that’s why I took the spoons and the Kazoo!’
I asked, ‘What did she have – a little boy pup or a girl?’
‘Neither!’ he replied. ’The Keeper called the Vet in, and she said it was a “Phantom Pregnancy” – I got very excited then, because I thought I was going to be the uncle to a baby ghost… but all it means is that you’re not really having a baby at all. Queen Victoria had one, apparently – whoever she is.’
As soon as we got home, Polly and Billi The Bees took Wilson into the dining room, where they sat him down with a plate of buttered toast with honey, famed, apparently, for its restorative powers.
In spite of the heat, Polly insisted on draping a warm blanket round W’s shoulders, ‘For the shock.’
Wilson, surrounded by only his closest confidantes, took a small bite of toast and honey, and smiled bravely.
Even Uncle Zoltan showed up – he toyed awkwardly with his top hat for a minute, before walking up to W and announcing, ‘Terrible business, old chap. Terrible. Sympathise, dont’cha know. Still, stiff upper lip, what?’ before he walked away shaking his head, and leaving a trail of footprints in the butter…
We started the journey in silence.
After a few miles I turned the radio on, but the song playing was The Beatles’ And I love Her – Wilson reached out and tapped the Off button with his claw.
I stopped the car in a Lay-By so we could talk; Wilson held out the Polaroid he’d been gazing at since I first saw him – it showed a pretty young sloth, smiling at the camera.
‘This’ he told me, ‘is Cinthya Nazereth – the loveliest sloth in the world...’
After a moment, he continued, ‘I was certain she’d marry me – we’d done some kissing round the back of the Capybara Enclosure and everything – but she said she wasn’t quite ready to settle down yet.’
I shook my head sympathetically.
‘Still,’ he continued, ‘She did say it wasn’t me, it was her – so that’s something!’
‘Yes,’ I agreed, ‘it is – hold on to that thought.’
I started the engine and continued our journey home…
Hello, we are Polly and Billi The Bees, and this is our Guest Blog.
We hadn’t been looking forward to today’s instalment, because we were going to have to bring you the very sad news that the first Bumble Bees have been added to the Endangered Species List – The Rusty Patched Bumble Bee is now Officially Endangered!
But as though that weren’t enough, now there’s this terrible news about Wilson!
As you know, Billi and I have been married for a couple of years now, so we’re very unhappy to hear that Wilson’s Wedding has been cancelled.
Once he gets home we’re going to try to cheer him up by cooking some of our favourite Bee Recipes for him – how can anyone stay sad when they’ve got a nice plate of Honey on Toast in front of them?
Even Uncle Zoltan – having himself been jilted when barely out of his pupahood – feels poor W’s pain…
