The fuse fizzed for a few moments, then a thin wisp of smoke emerged.
We all held our breath in excited anticipation, and we were not disappointed – within a few moments a surprising quantity of smoke began to gush out of the firework, accompanied by of a terrible, acrid stench of what smelled like burning socks and car tyres.
If the purpose of this test was for Wilson to satisfy himself that he can make a firework that generates smoke, I suppose it should be deemed a success.
I quizzed W about the ingredients of his Daylight Firework – at first he was evasive, claiming that the ingredients were a ‘Trade Secret’ and his ‘Intellectual Property’ – but eventually he confessed that the Active Component is... old socks and shredded car tyres…
Phase One of Wilson’s new project – the invention and development of what he calls ‘Daylight Fireworks’ is apparently a Proof Of Concept; he has to prove to himself that he can make a firework that produces smoke.
The boys went out into the garden with W’s MkI firework and stood it in a bucket of sand. Then Wilson, warily and at arm’s length, applied a match to the blue touch-paper and quickly retired to what he hoped was a safe distance.
The fuse fizzed for a few moments, then a thin wisp of smoke emerged.
We all held our breath in excited anticipation…
Nërp has posed for a Life Portrait on the Museum wall.
‘Spray-paint me like one of your French robots!’ he said, ‘but with bigger muscles.’
Admiring the finished work, Nërp turned to Wilson and said, ‘It’s very good. Thank you. Very good, but… do I really look so stern and unsmiling? I’d always imagined I had a bit more of the debonaire “Johnny 5” look about me…’
Owing to our rapidly-diminishing supply of walls, this will have to be one of Wilson’s last Graffiti Masterworks – unless he starts painting over the old ones…
Wilson assures me that this Royal Wedding Souvenir Tea Towel is ‘Ideal for drying your Royal Wedding Souvenir Mug!’ – but he advises not rubbing too hard in case the picture comes off the mug.
Or, come to that, the tea towel.
Wilson had been undecided about whether to market his Grass Jam as Royal Wedding Souvenir Duchy Original Lucky Grass Jam.
It’s not been a great success due to it tasting terrible – and he’d even considered trying to sell it to cattle farmers for their cows to have on toast for breakfast – but as he pointed out, ‘Committed Royalists will buy any Commemorative Tat as long as it’s marketed properly!’
He explained to me, ‘They probably wouldn’t even open the jar – they’d put it on display in the china cabinet then forget about it until their children turn up clutching it on the “Antiques Road Show” or “Dickinson’s Real Deal”…’
In the end, though, good taste prevailed, and the grass jam remains in Wilson’s Museum Gift Shop.
Speaking for myself, I was pretty much Royal Wedding’d out by the time the Happy Couple had driven round Windsor and returned to the castle.
Wilson, though, is made of sterner stuff – he, Byron and Nërp erected some trestles in front of the house and proceeded to organise a Street Party, loading the table with leftover food from The Happy Ant Diner – some of it still in date!
________
For those of you who may not know what a Street Party is, at times of great national celebration residents set up tables and chairs in their street and lay on a free party for everyone – particularly children.
This may be what Americans refer to as a Block Party – I don't know.
I thought they started after the end of World Was II, but they apparently date back quite a bit earlier than that:
http://www.streetparty.org.uk/history.aspx
