Wilson explained to me that, ironically, the famous seaman Admiral Lord Nelson was a martyr to seasickness, which he would alleviate by copious (but purely medicinal) doses of Navy Rum.
Not wishing to take any chances, he popped down to the belowdecks Bar and returned with a double tot of seasickness cure before the boat finally cast off.
Grasping the rail tightly as we began to move, he soon recognised HMS Belfast moored at the side of the river.
As it happens, we'd taken a tour of the Belfast a few years ago (before The Shard was built) and had found it extremely interesting, so it was good to see it again!
Wilson bought my ticket (he travels free as a 'companion animal') and after a brief queue we embarked on the boat.
His first move was to locate the Bar and open a Tab for himself.
Once this was done, he went off to find a couple of nice seats next to the life belts, pausing only to interrogate the Tour Guide about the vessel's safety record.
And the whereabouts and capacity of the lifeboats.
I'm beginning to wonder how relaxing this trip is going to be...
On the morning of my birthday, Wilson blindfolded me and led me out to the car.
Once we were seated he told me to start the engine, drive forward 72m and turn sharp left when he shouted 'Now!' — when I refused to drive while blindfolded he got a bit upset, saying that if I could see where I was going it would spoil the surprise, but he relented.
Eventually.
Our final destination turned out to be a side street in what Wilson insists on calling 'London Town' leading down to the River Thames.
We climbed out of the car just in time to see a three-masted Dutch schooner sailing past towards the Millennium Dome.
Then W escorted me into The Trafalgar pub where, over a glass of Pimms (he shook a sachet of ants into his, which he offered to share but I declined) he explained how we would be spending the rest of our day: a river cruise up to the Palace of Westminster!
Wilson has assured me that all the preparations for my birthday tomorrow are now in place, and this is why he is now relaxing in the garden, cloud-watching with Antony and TT. It's entirely possible that TT is fast asleep. Actually, it's entirely possible they're ALL fast asleep.
Wilson's actual words were, 'If there's anything I've forgotten, it's too late to do anything about it now!' which didn't exactly fill me with confidence.
A couple of days ago he asked me how old I would be on my birthday, and I told him my age would have a zero on the end of it. For some reason he assumed I meant I'd be 100, and he cautioned everyone to be very polite and respectful when answering the front door, in case in was a footman bringing my Telegram from the Queen!
Anyway, Wilson has warned me that my Birthday Celebrations will take me far, far away from Uckfield, so I shan't be able to post on Monday.
Consequently, you'll have to wait until Wednesday to learn whether I had a Birthday I Shall Always Remember... or a Birthday I Shall Never forget!
