Antony has mail

Antony has received a letter! 

I gave the letter to Wilson to pass on to Antony, but W announced that, as Antony's guardian he had a duty of care which included vetting his mail. He slit the envelope with a claw, extracted the letter and read through it, a frown spreading across his brow. 

'It's from the hedgehog family that wanted to adopt him, asking whether he'd reconsider,' W announced. 'The handwriting is appalling, and the grammar… Most unsuitable!'

W has decided not to show the letter to Antony.

Third Law of Robotics: More Lego!

Remember the two Robot kits Wilson had for his birthday? He unpacked them both this morning and spent a long time reading through the assembly instructions. 

He concluded that, while neither of them alone was powerful or sophisticated enough to make toy teddy bears for the Sloth Orphanage, if he combined the two kits into a single robot it might just be possible… 

He is envisioning a cross between Sonny in I Robot and Bender from Futurama, but says he will need to order some Lego Technics before he can really get started.

A mystery solved

Ant Wars II:

This morning I found Wilson working in the garden, preparing for his Charity Garden Open Day. 

'Hi Wilson!' I called, 'No more interrogation today?'

'No, that's all sorted out,' he replied casually. 'Antony told me what happened while we were having a midnight feast in bed last night.'

'And?' I asked, intrigued.

'Oh, it was a complicated adventure involving a  short-sighted owl, a crow and a family of hedge hogs who wanted to adopt him. I'm thinking of filming it. I shall call it "Antony's Web" or "Free Antony". Or perhaps "Anteaters on a Train". Although there is only one anteater and he didn't actually go on a train... but it is a good title!'

The interrogation continues...

Today Wilson continued questioning Antony. This is pretty fruitless as Antony is exercising his right to remain silent - which is probably the best, if not the only, option for a stuffed toy.

Suddenly W put his nose right in Antony's face and snarled, 'Are there any ants involved?' Antony slumped and fell off the chair onto the floor, where he lay motionless.  

I think this is because W nudged him with his nose, but Wilson is adamant: 'He's fainted! That is a certain sign of guilt!'

I tried to point out that Antony was in fact the victim, not a suspect, but W has been reading too many US Police Procedurals, and there's no stopping him now. It's as though he's channeling Joseph Wambaugh!

Antony is questioned...

I didn't sleep very well last night, as I was attacked by the remains of yesterday's breakfast of free-range ants.

Putting that aside, though, Wilson is determined to discover the truth about what happened when Antony disappeared. To this end he has drawn the curtains to plunge the spare room into darkness and positioned an Anglepoise lamp to shine into the suspect's eyes. He told me that he plans to use the tried-and-tested Good Cop/Bad Cop technique, and as Antony is his best friend I will have to be the Bad Cop.

Then he brings little Antony into the room and places him on the 'interrogation' chair. 

'Have you Mirandized him?' W asks me. 'We don't have the Miranda Act in this country, we just Caution suspects,' I explained.

'Whatever,' he replies, turning back to Antony and banging his paw on the table. 'Okay, little guy, just tell us the truth and you won't get hurt. Hold back, and there'll be a lot of kapok on the floor! A lot of kapok!'

Ooh-er! If this is W being the Good Cop, what shall I have to do as the Bad Cop?

Fathers' Day

I'd forgotten that today was Fathers' Day until Wilson woke me with the traditional Fathers' Day gift: breakfast in bed. My breakfast consisted of a bowl of W's 'best free-range ants' and a cup of freshly-roasted ant coffee. 

Some of the ants did escape into my bed, but W has promised he'll have cleared them out by the time I retire tonight. 

He also gave me a very nice manicure set. The gift card with it said: 

'Happy Father's Day, New Dad. If you don't like this I could use it as my claws could do with a bit of a groom. From your loving New Son, Wilson Vermilingua OBE. XXX.'