Once we'd entered open water, the captain left the controls and came over to ask Wilson if he's like to drive the boat for a little – W glanced at me, I nodded, and he ran in to the little wheelhouse and grabbed the ship's wheel firmly in both paws.
At first the captain sat on his seat behind him, saying things like, 'Starboard a little… mind that seagull… don't hit that wave…' but after a few minutes he came out to speak to me, explaining that it often helps nervous passengers if they understand what's going on and feel like they're in control.
For myself, I have to admit I hadn't been feeling at all nervous – until a pre-adolescent anteater with no seafaring experience or ability took over the steering…
Wilson returned from the bar clutching a glass of gin-based seasickness cure, and grabbed a lifebelt for himself before returning to his seat.
'Okay, New Dad,' he said, 'you can tell the Captain he may now Cast Off – but advise him he's got a Nervous Passenger on board, so not to drive too fast!'
With that, the engine noise increased and we pulled slowly away from the quay…
Once all of Wilson's safety concerns had been fully addressed, his questions about the choice of brands and flavours of gin answered and his Bar Tab opened, he nervously climbed the gangplank on to the boat.
Or Walked The Plank, as he referred to it.
Then, having secured a seat adjacent to a lifebelt, he went downstairs ('It's called belowdecks, New Dad!') to the Bar, for a dose of Mr Hendrick's medicinal sea-sickness preventative and Tonic…
To save time, I had purchased our tickets for the boat trip on-line in advance.
However, before he would consent to board the vessel, Wilson had a number of searching questions for the lady in the Ticket Booth.
Questions concerning the number and location of life belts and life jackets, how long the captain had been qualified, how long since his last accident etc.
Then he moved on to ask about the brands and flavours of gin stocked in the on-board bar, and whether they would accept his Boarding Pass in payment for drinks.
This last question was almost a deal-breaker, but I reminded W that his Boarding Pass is now several years old, and was issued by an entirely different cruise line.
Eventually he (grudgingly) agreed to embark – as long as I opened a Bar Tab for him, just in case he had a medical emergency requiring the immediate administration of a Gin Sling or even – in a major emergency – an East India Gimlet…
