My Hoxton Hipster credentials are now fully restored!
Wilson's plan was less expensive than I feared, costing me a mere £5 for a pack of 'Sockorations' – his new invention which will, he says, revolutionise the fashion industry and make him a millionaire.
'But I'm already wearing "ODDSIES!" non-matching socks!' I protested.
'I fear you need more than that to prevent you sinking into Sartorial Mediocrity,' he replied.
'Sockorations' appear to be self-adhesive paper shapes that I am expected to stick onto my socks each morning in order to 'Zizz Up' my game.
In the picture, the stick-on shapes are just self-adhesive paper, but the finished product will feature Glittery Shapes – I'm concerned that in use the glitter might rub off the shapes, fall into my shoes and cause some irritation.
I mentioned this to W and he told me that all great fashion is uncomfortable, but that in no time all the Trendy Hipsters will be sporting 'Sockorations' on their socks, so I suppose I'll just have to put up with the discomfort…
Just before we went out to the shops this morning, Wilson regarded me thoughtfully, frowning and stroking his chin.
'Is something wrong?' I asked, 'is my sweater on backwards or something?'
Wilson sighed, and replied, 'Nothing so obvious, New Dad – it's just that your Hipster Credentials are, well, slipping grievously.'
'What are you talking about?' I demanded, glancing in the hall mirror, 'I look, well… okay, don't I? Has my attire not achieved its usual level of adequacy?'
'To be frank, you're looking a lot less Hoxton than you used to, but don't worry – I've had an idea to restore you to your previous levels of Hip Spiff!' he replied.
Oh, well that's alright then – I am not entirely beyond redemption!
I wonder how much it's going to cost me...
While Wilson was at the zoo visiting his family, he met a very nice Japanese keeper, who told him about Daruma Dolls.
She said that when she was a little girl in Tokyo she dreamed of looking after animals when she grew up, so she bought a Daruma Doll, made a wish and coloured in the doll's first eye.
Now that she is working in a zoo in Sussex she has coloured in the other eye, because her dream has come true!
Wilson was greatly touched by this innocent tale, and now that he's home, with access to his Art Materials, he has designed a Hi Wilson!®™ Daruma Doll for you!
What this girl apparently didn't mention to Wilson was the Daruma Doll's dark history, involving amputation and childhood smallpox.
I probably won't mention that to him either…
