07/09/2013

Flyering — is that even a word?

Having finally sorted out his tenants in the Bee Hotel, Wilson is now busy making preparations for his pop-up nightclub, Au Courant. He's printed hundreds of flyers and he's out now pushing them through letter boxes around Uckfield. 
In other news, we have completely run out of printer ink.

Anyway, the club is scheduled to 'pop up' next Saturday, so W has just one week to get everything ready and to rehearse the band...


06/09/2013

A terrible secret is revealed...

When Wilson arrived at the bee hotel early today he caught the woodlice unawares: drunk and rowdy, the father woodlouse wearing a miniature wifebeater and actually doing the terrible thing of which W would not speak. He said he was appalled by their behaviour!
While he was there the father earwig came out to see him, wringing his forceps as a tiny tear emerged from his compound eye and trickled down his mandible, to tell W he was very sorry for what had happened. He repeated that the graffiti had been done by the woodlice, beseeching W to allow his family to stay. He said that as a sign of good faith he and his family had themselves scrubbed off all the graffiti.
Wilson told me that he had reluctantly evicted the woodlice (who had actually sworn at him) and told the earwigs they could stay.
I asked him again what it was the woodlice did that was so awful, which so revolted him. After a moment's consideration he whispered in my ear: 'They drink through their bottoms!' 

Well, I quite see why W would be unwilling to share a cup with them...


05/09/2013

Wilson receives a note from the earwigs...

The earwigs have sent round a note to Wilson saying that they didn't commit the graffiti outrage on his bee hotel and the folly, claiming that they were actually framed by the woodlice. 
Wilson read through the note several times, frowning and sighing, before throwing his arms up in the air and shouting, 'I just don't have time for this! These troublesome tenants are SO doing my nut totally in! Here I am, trying to launch a groundbreaking and innovative range of haut couture socks AND open a pop-up nightclub, and all I get is squabbling insects and arthropods!'
He has sought advice from Polly B hoping that she, as an insect, can contribute some insight on woodlouse and earwig behaviour.

Reluctantly he's gone round to the the folly to try to sort this dispute out. For my part, I'm keeping well out of the way...


04/09/2013

Graffiti!

This morning Wilson went round to see how the earwigs were getting on and was dismayed to find that the Folly and the Bee Hotel had been graffitied with earwig gang slogans and tags! He has reluctantly threatened to evict all the earwigs unless their teenage sons scrub off the graffiti and leave everything as good as new. 
As for the woodlice, he is greatly impressed by their behaviour — they have been impeccable tenants, and since they have been homeless for some time he's decided to allow them to stay. Rent free. As they have no money. 

W refused their offer of a drink and a snack, but was unable to suppress a shudder of disgust. He still won't tell me what the woodlice's dreadful secret is, but I'll get it out of him sooner or later.


03/09/2013

Astronomy, astrology, what's the difference...

Ant Wars II:    
Wilson has had an email from his friend Ron which, he says, proves beyond reasonable doubt that there is a mountain in America named after him. Also a space observatory (although my suspicion is that the observatory was probably named after the mountain on which it stands, rather than a young anteater in another country). 
Now he's threatening to write to the Royal Astronomical Society asking them to publish his book on space exploration, "Anteaters In Space" as a paper in their Proceedings
If they decline his generous offer, he says he'll try Russell Grant or (as a last resort) Derek Acorah. 
As he points out, 'Astronomy, Astrology, they're all Ologies! Oh… one of them's an Onomy…'

You can read this 'Groundbreaking piece of research' (Wilson's words, not mine) at: http://issuu.com/friendlydragon/docs/anteaters_in_space_book


02/09/2013

Emergency measures!

ODDSIES! an important message:

To sum up the situation, Wilson's entire Oddsies! budget has been spent on advertising and packaging, so he can't afford to source any socks. He has decided to release some stocks of Oddsies! wrappers in order to avert disaster and to create interest in the concept. He says this is 'a totally temporary measure, just until the idea catches on. Please put some top-quality socks in the wrappers and give them as gifts if you've got any birthdays coming up!'


01/09/2013

It's a sign!

Wilson spent most of today painting an Au Courant sign for his nightclub. I have to say he's made a very nice job of it. 
One of his friends, Rob, used to be a signwriter, so perhaps he gave W some tips. Anyway, I expect the grass will grow out where the paint has been spilled. Eventually.
In other news, Wilson has been telling everyone I thought his club premises were 'magnificent.' I think the phrase I actually used was 'death-trap.'


_______________
CHECK THIS OUT! 
August has been a very busy month for Wilson Vermilingua OBE!
I've just uploaded the latest monthly volume of Ant Wars II: August 2013 so you can catch up on anything you've missed.
Please tell all your friends, as it is Wilson's stated ambition for his life story to be, as he puts it, "As Popular as a fluffy Bumble Bee on lavender! Who won't sting you, obviously."
You can download it or read it online at:
http://issuu.com/friendlydragon/docs/ant_wars_ii_august_2013
http://issuu.com/friendlydragon
Photographs of the lovely WILSON are by Tamanduagirl at 

http://www.livingwithanteaters.com/ and are used by kind permission.