21/01/2017

THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE

In point of fact, our postman does NOT always ring twice, but this morning — perhaps sensing the importance of the small package that he popped through the mail slot to land on our door mat — he did.

There was great excitement amongst the Bees who, as far as I can recall, have never had mail before, and they gathered with their children to inspect the packet addressed to 'Ms Billi B, New Dad's House, Uckfield, East Sussex' and boldly marked FRAGILE.


Everyone sat round gazing at this wonder for several minutes, savouring the moment, before Billi and Polly carried the envelope to their room, followed closely by the Johnson boys, both of whom were agog with curiosity.



20/01/2017

THE UCKFIELD POUND

Wilson is having a family meeting to decide on an appropriate design for his Uckfield Pound notes... and I must say, there's quite a lot of shouting going on. Basically, everybody thinks it should be their portrait on the notes. 

Wilson is arguing determinedly and cogently for his portrait, partly because the Ucky Pound was his idea in the first place, and partly because he's already designed the note with his picture on it.


The sTone Brothers are willing to appear together, and Polly says she's happy to appear in a group picture with her partner Billi and their children... although Billi has added a rider of her own: she doesn't want her portrait anywhere until her new glasses have arrived.


Diesel the goldfish fiercely maintains that there is a long tradition of showing fish on banknotes, and having his image on the Uckfield Pound would lend an air of authenticity and trustworthiness. 


I have never heard of that tradition, but I'm keeping well out of this discussion.


I've also made it quite clear that I don't want my portrait or name associated with this venture
in any way, due to its dubious legality...

_________


Remember, you can chat with Wilson on Twitter:
@WVermilingua
and share his adventures with your friends and family by giving them the Blog link:
https://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/



18/01/2017

MAKING MONEY

Wilson is finally making money... by printing it himself.

He has suggested launching a local currency, the Uckfield Pound: Lewes (which is but a few miles away) and Bristol both have their own Pound, so why not Uckfield? 


The advantage for Uckfield is that it would stimulate the local economy by encouraging shopping in small, independent and local shops, while from Wilson's point of view, he'll be able to print loads of money for himself and may finally achieve millionairehood! 


He's in the dining room with Antony, who is helping him design his new notes, which he is calling the U£.


I hope this won't be a repeat of the fiasco when he last released a 'parallel' currency, the Vermilingua or V-Note. 


Or when he tried to bail out the Greek economy...



16/01/2017

ADVENTURES IN MAIL ORDER

Wilson has written a prescription for Billi's spectacles and Uncle Zoltan has typed a note explaining why the specs are required in such a small size.

Now Wilson has accompanied Polly and Billi round to the post box to help them send Billi's script to a mail-order glasses supplier.


Normally the bees would have flown round there, carrying the envelope between them, and popped the envelope into the slot... but I'm afraid they've piled on a few grammes over Xmas and now neither of them can actually get off the ground.


I'm sorry to say, I do know how they feel...



15/01/2017

OPHTHALMOLOGY FOR BEGINNERS

For reasons which are far from clear, Billi has decided that she needs glasses.

I don't think there's anything wrong with her eyes, rather that she thinks spectacles would lend her an air of gravitas and erudition. (Wilson has thought the same in the past, but he had to give up wearing them due to their constantly falling off.)


Through no fault of her own, Billi has a less-than-perfect mastery of the Roman Alphabet (which is why Uncle Zoltan or I usually type up the Bees' Blog) so Wilson has invented an ingenious Eye Test Chart for insects and amphibians, which he's certain will make him both rich and famous. 


I can't help thinking that eye-tests for animals is a bit of a niche market, but time will tell...


However, if you've got a frog or lizard, maybe even a tarantula you think may have poor eyesight, please do get in touch.


Preferably with Wilson, not me!