Something else to worry about...

Do other fathers, I wonder, have to hide away science journals as though they were smutty magazines? I like Wilson taking an interest in science and technology, but whenever he gets hold of a New Scientist he finds something in it to worry about. 

While researching the Quantum Entanglement Clock and the Dangers of Excessive Showering he's come across an article about feeding the world's increasing population on insects. 

'One of the scientists said that ants were "by a wide margin the most delicious insect we tasted"! If everyone starts eating ants, there won't be enough to go around, New Dad — there won't be enough for me!'

His quandary is, he doesn't know whether to stockpile ants for his own consumption, or market them to early-adopter gourmets as an expensive luxury indulgence…

Skip the shower

Presumably while scouring New Scientist for articles about the proposed Quantum Entanglement Clock, Wilson has come across an article explaining why showering every day is bad for one. 

I found it magnetted to the fridge door this morning, where I couldn't miss it. 

He's not trying to persuade me to shower less, he's trying to justify his showering habits. Daily showering is bad for you? I wish he'd have a yearly shower! 

Now he's read this, I'll never persuade him...

Mk II is on its way...

Having left the sTone brothers outside yesterday so they didn't frighten the children, Wilson showed his WASTE clock to them separately this morning. 

sTony said it looked a bit too complicated for him, he'd stick to measuring the length of his shadow if he ever needed to know the time. 

Which he never did. 

So W is now considering a simplified design for his Mk II WASTE Clock.

However, he's read in New Scientist about scientists at Harvard building a Quantum Entanglement Atomic Clock, and he's a bit worried that they may pinch his best clock-design ideas, 'Just like Mr Watson and Mr Crick pinched the DNA idea from poor Ms Rosalind Franklin!' he explained. 'That was SO unfair!'

There has still been no call from Radio Five... 

AT LAST — IT'S HERE!

This morning Wilson assembled everyone, even Diesel the Goldfish, in the kitchen to unveil his new invention, his Winter And Summer Timekeeping Equipment clock.

Everyone gazed admiringly as he explained how it worked. Boiled down from Wilson's 40 minute presentation: in the winter you tell the time using the grey numbers, while in the summer, during Daylight Saving Time, you use the blue numbers and you never have to put the clock forward or back an hour! That's it — simple.

Everyone nodded and agreed that it was very interesting, but honestly no one in his audience ever bothers with clocks or telling the time.

W was a little bit disappointed not to have had a call from Radio Five Live's Breakfast Show for his hero Nicky Campbell to interview him about his clock.

He ruminated for a minute before declaring, 'Tomorrow. They'll probably call tomorrow.' 

Tomorrow is Wilson's Big Day!

Leaving the youngsters repairing the goalpost and arguing about who would be Costa Rica in the next game, Wilson is rummaging about in his bedroom looking for his new clock invention prototype. 

While he's doing that, I would like to make an appeal on his behalf ('Make it an impassioned appeal, New Dad!' were his instructions) to everyone reading this to send it to a friend. 

Surprisingly, this is not to expose more people to my peerless prose but to increase the sales base of his Winter And Summer Timekeeping Equipment clock, which he will unveil publicly tomorrow. 

I hope that was impassioned enough! 

Thank you for your kind attention.

Offside!

I thought I knew what was coming next, but I was wrong. 

W continued. 'So I want to ask you, New Dad, to ask everyone who reads your AntWars2 blog to tell a friend about it. That way you will double your readership!'

'So twice as many people appreciate my writing?' I asked.

'So twice as many people will learn about my new Winter And Summer Timekeeping Equipment clock when I reveal it later this week!'

'Offside!' shouted Tiny Toy as he lay on the ground feigning an injury. 

TT has clearly been watching too much World Cup on tv — I must get Wilson to have a word with Antony about that.

Wilson has a serious talk with me

Wilson was sitting in the garden watching Tiny Toy play football with the Johnson Brothers when he called me over for what he called a 'serious talk.'

'Well, New Dad,' he began, 'the Solstice is passed and the nights are drawing in — what task do you think is worrying people most as winter approaches?'

On such a hot day I was surprised by this question, but I hazarded a guess: 'Christmas shopping? Shovelling snow?'

'Putting the clocks back!' he said, as though I hadn't spoken. 'People are dreading the time and effort of putting their clocks back an hour, or forward an hour in the southern hemisphere, as the case may be, and they will pay almost any sum to get out of doing that chore twice every year!'