21/11/2015

MOVEMBER

This morning I found Wilson in the bathroom — an unusual event in itself — balancing on a chair so he could examine his chin in the mirror.

'What's up, old mate?' I asked him.


He replied that he was taking part in No-Shave November, AKA Movember, but was very disappointed by his lack of progress beard-wise.


I said he'd just have to be patient... for a few years. He is only eight, after all.


He then said that he thought he needed a Mission Statement, explaining that his Family Motto 'Lentus In Totus Res' (Slothful in All Things) doesn't accurately reflect his his ebullient and can-do attitude to life.


I told him I'd give it some thought, and I'd also ask you if you have any ideas. What do you think?


• Yesterday's fANTastic! answer is: ANTlers — which many of you correctly guessed.
• Today's fANTastic! question is: This ANT has an Atomic Number of 51, and he sounds like an anarchist. What ANT is it?


 I can't even remember what an Atomic Number is...


20/11/2015

UNEXPECTED ANSWERS

He's made everyone wait a whole day for the answer, but this morning Wilson swept into the kitchen and announced, 'The answer to yesterday's fANTastic! question is: constANT.'

I had to interrupt him, telling him that one or two guesses had arrived on-line... and they seemed to be correct... but different.


W frowned, musing 'How can that be? What, pray, are these, um, counterfeit so-called solutions?'


I replied that one of his friends in New Zealand had submitted two answers, dormANT and stagnANT.


He considered my news in silence for several minutes, before picking up his marker pen and — rather grudgingly I thought — appending two alternative answers to this card.


Then he selected another card from his pack and intoned, 'Today's fANTastic! question is an easy one, with an unambiguous answer: These ants sit on a deer's head — what ants are they?'






19/11/2015

STUPID BOY

Wilson gathered everyone in the kitchen so he could explain how his new card game — fANTastic fun! — is played.

Once everyone had settled down, Wilson drew a card from the pack on the table and read it silently to himself (although his lips did move a little — enough for me to guess the answer even before I'd heard the question).


Then he announced, 'This ant is very old! — now you've got to think of a word with "ant" in it that means very old. Alright?'


This was met with blank looks, so he continued, 'As this is the first time you've played, I shall tell you the answer, which is, "Antique"!'


He beamed at everyone, but sensed he had more explaining yet to do.


'You see, "Antique" means something that is very old, and it's got "ant" in it. "ANT-ique" — you see?'
He drew another card and announced, 'Okay here's another one — this ant always stays the same! What ant is it?'


Tiny Toy raised his paw confidently and said, 'Gary! The ant is Gary — Gary is a good name for an ant...'


Wilson puffed out his cheeks and exhaled deeply, reminding me very much of Captain Mainwaring from Dad's Army trying to have a sensible conversation with Private Pike.



18/11/2015

fANTastic NEW GAME

Wilson has proudly shown me the prototype of his new 'Educational Fun for All the Family' card game.
He has named his game, inevitably perhaps, 'fANTastic!' because it is allegedly fANTastic fun to play — guarANTeed.


W has not yet entrusted me with the details of how one actually plays the game, but he says that he will Reveal All tomorrow. I suspect ants are involved. 


I can hardly contain my excitement... Not.


Oh alright — I'm a little bit excited.



17/11/2015

FRIDGE ORGANISATION

Wilson has been sorting out the fridge in the newly decorated kitchen. 

By 'Sorting Out' I don't mean rearranging the food by flavour or colour, or throwing out stuff that's passed its use-by date; I mean establishing storage rights.


He has got out his Dymo Labeller that he had for his birthday a few years ago, and is sticking WILSON'S SHELF labels on all the shelves. 


ALL the shelves — I seem to be permitted to use the Salad Drawer at the bottom of the fridge and half the Egg Rack... but maybe he just hasn't got round to sticking his labels there yet.



16/11/2015

GAME OF WORDS

One of Wilson's friends has told him how to contact the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He Tweeted him last night, and the FSM has Faved his Tweet, but not yet replied.

W says that's 'Totes understandable, 'cos His Noodlyness must be v. busy administering a whole religion,' and has settled down to work on his new Family Card Game.


He's sitting in the living room with a huge dictionary, and keeps asking me very taxing questions. 


Questions like, 'New Dad, what is that 18th Century word that means a person who receives an annuity?' 


Or, 'New Dad, can you think what the word is that describes a law or contract drawn up by deed?'


This sounds like a VERY DIFFICULT card game, and I don't know how much fun it's going to be...



15/11/2015

PLAN B

Following his Rejection Letter from the Pope, Wilson has resolved to take his Miraculous Toast somewhere it WILL be appreciated: to the Pastafarians!

'What goes better with Spaghetti than Toast?' he asked, 'It'll be RIGHT up their street!'


Only problem is, he doesn't know how to contact His Noodlyness — does anyone have an email address for the Pope of Pasta?