The answer to Dave's question, 'What's your name?' turned out to be unexpectedly complex.
At first he said his name was 'Mole', but Wilson couldn't believe that he was just called Mole the Mole and pressed him for more details.
'It's like my New Dad being called Human the Human!' he complained, 'Or me being called Anteater the Anteater! And think of the confusion if both bees were called Bee the Bee!'
However, it seems that moles lead such solitary lives that they rarely, if ever, need a name (there being no-one else to use it) so even the concept of a name was alien to him.
Eventually W conceded that his name henceforward would be Mole, and took him to one side to fill in a Special Dietary Requirements questionnaire.
It seems this was to establish whether moles ate ants, as W didn't want there to be any competition for food. Antony sat very close to Mole and silently mouthed or mimed the 'correct' answers to Wilson's questions.
Once he had evidence that Mole wouldn't be vying with him over the juiciest ants, Wilson invited him to spend the winter with us in the garden.
'You can live with the sTone Brothers,' he said. 'I'll introduce you!'
Just before Wilson fled to safety in his Asteroid Shelter, a small, dirt-encrusted furry head emerged from the recently-appeared pile of earth.
Antony unhelpfully called out, 'Oooh look — it's a man-eating Sandworm, from Dune! In the movie they were WAY bigger than that — this one's probably a baby!'
The creature looked up and said, 'Hi Antony!' and Antony waved back.
'You two know each other?' Wilson asked, incredulously.
'Sure,' Antony replied, 'This is the mole you kept missing last year!'
In a timid voice, Dave said, 'Hello, my name is Dave; Dave Beanie-Ty. What's your name?'
Wilson immediately turned to me, his paw extended, and announced, 'Meet the Wild Mole Experience — £5 please, New Dad!'
With ants running all over my face I found it difficult to muster the necessary dignity to confront Wilson, but it was time.
'Wilson,' I began, 'Young Dave here — Dave the Pig — says you told him he was adopted. He's very upset. What's going on?'
'W sighed wearily and replied, 'I didn't say he was "adopted". Not exactly. What I actually said was that if anyone asked, he should say he was a Tibetan Flying Pig — just while the Wildlife Petting Zoo is open!'
Dave considered this in silence.
For some reason, Wilson seemed to be wobbling about and — impossible though this sounds — growing taller before my eyes.
Glancing at his feet I noticed the ground beneath him was moving; writhing, almost.
'Don't panic! Don't panic!' he shouted (sounding very like Cpl Jones in Dads' Army). 'We're having an earthquake! Everyone go indoors and hide under the table!'
Without warning, Antony announced, 'Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake that we realise something was actually strange.' Everyone stared at him in confusion.
He blushed and explained, 'It's a quote from "Inception" — we're probably all just dreaming that this is happening...'
