Late last night, or more accurately, very early this morning – long after everyone had retired to bed – there was a knock at the door.
Wilson answered it, and found Nërp standing in the porch.
Wilson asked what had happened his Xmas Tree, and Nërp told him that a commuter had admired it, so he had sold it to him for £50.
This deeply impressed Wilson, who announced that it had given him an idea… which is never a good sign.
Before he turned in for the night, Nërp said he had been thinking, and he didn't want to be called Nërp any more.
In future, he wants to be known as Nërp-Man, or possibly just The N-Man, which he thinks is a more suitable name for a high-profile SuperStar…
Wilson has now returned home and is telephoning local News Outlets – The Uckfield Examiner, Uckfield FM, the Brighton Evening Argus, Mid-Sussex Times and so on.
He's even Googled the email address for I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here in case there's still time for Nërp to be entered as a Late Runner – he figures that if Noel Edmonds can do it, Nërp can do it too!
Last night Wilson went round to the Railway Station to check up on Nërp, and to give him a PowerPack in case he's running low on energy or 'Getting hungry'.
Nërp told Wilson that a Guard had said he was blocking the platform – he gave him a 'Laser-Eyes' look, said 'Exterminate! Exterminate!' and hasn't been troubled by authority since.
W was surprised to find Nërp was wearing his Leonard Cohen hat, and enquired whether he was cold.
'No,' Nërp replied, 'it's just that, when it was where you left it, people kept throwing money into it and I found that a bit, well, demeaning!'
'Was there a lot of money?' W asked anxiously.
'Oh quite a bit! I thought about it, then I gave it to a Homeless Person, because I knew that was what you would have done.'
Wilson sighed deeply but, showing admirable restraint, said nothing...
Before leaving, Wilson told Nërp that he was now Uckfield's Official Xmas Robot, and wished him good luck.
Then he placed his Leonard Cohen hat in front of Nërp 'just in case'.
In case of what, he did not specify, but I think I can guess…
In order for Nërp to get maximum exposure and fame, Wilson asks that you invite all your friends to join the Wonderful World of Wilson Vermilingua group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/wilsonvermilinguaappreciation/
or at least to read the Blog at: https://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/
Having set Nërp and his Xmas tree up on the platform at Uckfield Station, Wilson hung some decorations on the tree while explaining to Nërp that, while Uckfield Station was a bit smaller than London St Pancras, London had many railway stations while Uckfield has but one – thus giving him a 'total monopoly' on rail commuters.
The London St Pancras Xmas Tree and Robot periodically dispense a puff of Chanel Perfume to distract the passing wage-slaves from their daily grind.
Wilson told Nërp that Chanel was an unnecessary extravagance, so he's bought an AirWick Air Freshener which Nërp will intermittently squirt at people as they pass by.
I wonder how that's going to be received by an unsuspecting public, particularly after the recent Novichok poisonings…
