16/03/2019

LORD OF THE ANTS

Wilson has just shown me the cover of his first novel.

He explained, 'They say you should write about what you know, which is why I started with Lord Of The Ants. Once that's become a Best Seller I'll do Cold Comfort Ant Farm – I'm quite an expert on ants, so I think I'll be able to bring my insights to bear on this dark tale – put my own stamp on it!'




15/03/2019

RECYCLING

Today Wilson revealed his latest Brilliant Idea to me.

'New Dad,' he began, 'Recycling is a Good Thing, isn't it?'


'Um… yes,' I replied uncertainly, wondering where this was leading – I haven't forgotten about his Recycled Flowers scheme…


'Taking old stuff and giving it a new lease of life?' he continued. 'Well, I'm taking Old Books and giving them a new lease of life!'


He went on to explain how he was reading summaries of famous novels on sparknotes.com, then re-writing them.


When I say 'rewriting' I mean copying them out almost word-for-word, but giving all the characters new names.


'I'm starting with "Lord Of The Ants" – it's all about a group of boys… um, well Ants, and they get stranded on a desert island. Two of the boys, er, Ants – Rafe and Piggly – find a sea shell on the beach, then they all go mad and kill Piggly. It's a brilliant story!'




13/03/2019

STUDY NOTES


STOP PRESS ANNOUNCEMENT:
Wilson has just achieved more than 8000 Twitter Followers!
Eight THOUSAND! Yay! I’m SO PROUD of him!


I assumed that he would want to celebrate with a party, but he told me there would be time for celebration later, and in the meantime he he had work to do on a New Project.


He wouldn't tell me the nature of this project, but I noticed that he has discovered 'Study Notes'.


I'd never heard of them, but apparently they're précis or plot summaries of classic novels that tell you everything you could possibly want to know about the original novel, but in just a few hundred words – basically, massive spoilers!


I can't imagine why anyone would want to miss out on the pleasure of savouring a good book, but Wilson says he has a plan.


Currently he's making notes about Lord Of The Flies, Animal Farm, The Road To Wigan Pier and Death In Venice.


I have no idea of his purpose, but I shall probably find out over the course of the next few days – when the bills or complaints start arriving…



11/03/2019

THE HANGING

As soon as we returned home with our (not very limited) Limited Edition print, Wilson wanted to hang it immediately.

I'm always a bit nervous when he's up a ladder with a hammer, and I offered to hang the picture for him.


He declined my offer, explaining that hanging a picture properly is a very complex procedure involving the Golden Mean, Irrational Numbers, pi and a spirit level – and he thought I simply lacked the aesthetic sensitivity to achieve it.


In the event, the hanging consisted of Wilson balancing precariously on top of the stepladder while Antony shouted out, 'Left a bit… up a bit… a bit more… yeah, that'll do!'


So it turns out that I have less 'aesthetic sensitivity' than a small kapok-filled toy anteater – but over the years I've come to know and accept my place in the domestic pecking order…



10/03/2019

ART GALLERY

In an attempt to keep him occupied and to improve his mind, I took Wilson into Brighton to visit an Art Gallery.

There was one exhibit that – perhaps unsurprisingly – he loved above all others.


He says that the quality of the ant is Picasso-esque in its rendering, it was philosophically very sound and, above all, it summed up perfectly how he felt most of the time.


As we left the Gallery (inevitably through the Gift Shop) Wilson noticed that Limited Edition Prints were for sale(!)


He explained enthusiastically how such a print would be not only the perfect focal point in our living room, it would also be a 'totes brilliant investment!'


Our copy of the Limited Edition Print, I later learned, was Nº 57832/200000…