WEDDING DAY!

Billi surprised everyone by arriving at the ceremony with a new fur-do — she'd had some colour put in. Polly loved Billi's new look, describing it as 'tres punk!' 

Wilson then intoned, 'By the Power Vested in me by the Internet and the Flying Spaghetti Monster Online Theological College, I declare you Bee and Bee!' The girls kissed each other and all the guests cheered!

After this, everyone retired for a slap-up sit-down meal of vegan jalfrezi kindly supplied by Wilson's friend Jan. This was very fortuitous since, what with being so busy memorising the words of the ceremony, W had completely forgotten to order any food.

During the meal, large quantities ant-flavoured mead were consumed before Antony, aided by Tiny Toy, gave the Best Man's Speech.

In a small, wavering voice, he began, 'I would like to thank everyone for coming. The brides look lovely. I hope they…' He paused, whether for dramatic effect or nervousness I couldn't tell. Tiny Toy began to giggle. Antony resumed. 'I hope they will… BEE… very happy together!'

Tiny Toy collapsed in laughter as Antony added, 'Did you see what I did there? Did you?'

We all clapped and clapped while Antony blushed and smiled, relieved to have discharged his duties successfully. 

Pre-wedding nerves

There is an air of expectation, an undercurrent of excitement about the house today. 

The girls have popped into the village to get their fur done, while Wilson tries to memorise the words of the marriage ceremony. 

Best Man Antony and Assistant Best Man/Flower Girl Tiny Toy are working on the joke in the Best Man's Speech. 

sTony and sToneye are outside rehearsing their role of Ushers/Security Guards by arranging the guests in straight lines, checking invitations and other Usherey tasks. 

In keeping with tradition, Polly and Billi will spend the night apart and not see each other until the ceremony. 

Everyone involved wants tomorrow to be perfect!

Wedding Cake

When the wedding was first announced one of Wilson's on-line friends, Malicya Anne (@missdeed666) offered to bake a honey cake for the wedding. It arrived this morning, and it looks just lovely. Polly and Billi both think it's exquisite! 

Wilson poked a tiny hole in the icing so he could insert his tongue and wiggle it around, 'Strictly for testing purposes!' he assured me. I assume it passed the test because he declared it to be 'The Bees' Knees!' and he couldn't say fairer than that.

The first guests are starting to arrive and I've already been stung a few times. Of Mad Uncle Zortan, however, there is as yet no sign. 

Tiny Toy does something very brave!

Antony's Tiny Toy is not happy with his role as 'Flower Girl' and has asked Wilson whether his job title could be amended. He would like W to re-name his post "Chief Floral Operative" or perhaps "Blossom Mechanic" — or even "Flower Boy" — but Wilson says he's written the list now and it would be a shame to waste paper by re-writing it. 

As a compromise, he suggested that maybe Tiny Toy, in addition to being Flower Girl, could help Antony with his Best Man's Speech. 

Antony said he would like that as he hasn't any idea what a Best Man does, let alone what a Speech is.

W has received confirmation of his booking of the Honeymoon Suite in the names of Miss Polly-B and Miss Billi-B, so at least that is under control.

Jobs are assigned...

The atmosphere was electric with excitement and anticipation this morning when Wilson gathered everyone in the kitchen to announce the assignment of jobs for the wedding.

Both Polly and Billi were very relieved to discover that their jobs were 'Bride' but Tiny Toy threw a bit of a tantrum when he discovered that he was to be 'Flower Girl'… he'd apparently set his heart on being 'Best Man.'

Wilson books the Honeymoon Suite

Against all expectations, given his recent traumatic experience, Wilson slept very well last night and was up bright and early this morning. 

He has found a lovely hotel which, he said, specialises in bee honeymoons, and he has made a booking for Polly and Billi to stay there for a few days after the wedding.

That sounds perfect, though I must say it seems a very niche market for a hotel!

Debrief...

When Wilson had finished giving the girls their talk on the Facts Of Life, he emerged from the conservatory, shaken and agitated. 

I sat him down in the dining room with a cup of strong tea with ants and asked him what had happened. He insisted that Antony and Tiny Toy be shut out of the room as 'they're just too young to know this… this stuff! They just couldn't handle it.

'The bees told ME the Facts Of Life!' he spluttered. 'They already knew them, and they knew WAY more than I did! They told me all about the birds. And the bees. It was terrible! It was Totes GROSS! I can never un-know some of the stuff they told me! I've been traumatised — I may never sleep again…'

Oh dear.