SCHOOL PRECAUTIONS

The British Prime Minister has said:

'It is vitally important children go back to school, with the life chances of a generation at stake!'

He added that the dangers to children of staying at home were greater than the dangers of returning to school – but this from someone who can't even decide if face masks are a good thing or a bad thing, so don't be surprised to see a couple more U-turns before the first day of term! 🙄 

 

However, Wilson is taking the warnings seriously and has barricaded himself inside his Asteroid Shelter 'Just in case you get any ideas about sending me to school, New Dad!'

 

Byron has been trying to persuade him to come out by shouting about the benefits of education down the hole in the ground which is the shelter's entrance, but so far without success.

 

His lack of success may in part be due to Uncle Zoltan also shouting down the hole – things like, 'Don't Let The System Get You, dear boy!'

 

 

DIOGENES SYNDROME

It seems no time at all since I told you that no photographs exist of Mrs V, yet this morning a letter arrived in the signature lavender envelope favoured by Wilson's Big Sister Andrea – and guess what was inside?

As soon as Wilson spotted the envelope, fearing something might be amiss at the zoo, he ripped it open roughly with his claw.

 

Out fell a short note, written in lavender ink in Andrea's paw-writing… and a photograph! 

 

It seems that the Zoo Vet thinks Mrs V may be suffering from Diogenes Syndrome – a thinking disorder characterised by a reluctance or refusal to throw anything away – and her bedroom is becoming a bit cluttered.

 

In order to tidy up and make some space, Andrea had been sorting through some of Mrs V's things and come across this old photo in a dressing-table drawer. 

 

She thinks it was probably taken shortly after Mrs V arrived at the zoo, but when Andrea asked her about it she seemed vague and unwilling to talk about it. 

 

Andrea was at pains to point out that this is a very common affliction, and was really nothing to worry about… but Wilson is a terrible worrier!

 

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLIN!

No, not Colin the Knitted Camel (who is currently living happily with Wilson's friend Ms Jenny) But Colin the Caterpillar Cake, which is apparently 30 today!

There can't be many kids who haven't – for one reason or another – celebrated their birthday with a Colin the Caterpillar Cake, and Wilson decided that it was time the long-suffering Colin finally got to celebrate his own birthday.

 

Honestly, in the middle of a pandemic it doesn't take much of an excuse to justify a party, and before long everyone was sitting round singing 'Happy Birth-day Dear Co-Lin…' and waiting expectantly for a slice.

 

I did draw the line at having thirty birthday candles, though.

 

As the time to actually cut the cake drew nearer, Wilson announced, 'I just can't do this to Colin – he's been such a good friend to me over the years…' (ignoring the fact that he arrived only yesterday via Tesco Home Delivery) and Nërp had to take over the onerous task.

 

 

A WONDERFUL DREAM

Over breakfast this morning, Byron was looking very thoughtful, and a little bit melancholy.

I asked him what was up and he told me he'd had a dream in which he'd met a group of artists and intellectuals, and had a lovely time talking with them.

 

Then he'd gone into a little shop and found many examples of the artists' work for sale and he'd bought several items: installation pieces and wall hangings.

 

When he got them home, he'd filled his room with these wonderful works, and it looked amazing.

 

Then he woke up, and now he couldn't remember anything about any of the artworks…

 

The worst thing was, apparently, that since it was his dream all the ideas were his, fresh from his brain, and if only he could remember them, he could have made them himself and become a famous artist…

 

I tried to reassure him that, since had thought of them once he would probably think of them again… and that I had a deep belief in him, and that he would one day be a famous artist!

 

He smiled bravely as he tried to believe me.

 

 

ADVANCE WARNING

Wilson rushed past in a desperate state to consult his calendar – he was afraid he'd missed International Talk Like A Pirate Day and was very relieved to discover there was still almost a month to go.

Although he was relieved, he seemed no calmer, hurrying off to give Byron and Nërp the news because there was 'So much to do! So many preparations to make!'

 

As far as I can remember, this is the first time Byron will have been with us on TLaP day – I wonder what he will make of it?

 

 

SAND CASTLES

Almost everyone has spent the day in the garden building sand castles!

Jīqìrén came along, even Uncle Zoltan joined in, and they all had a lovely time… although Diesel's water got a tiny bit overheated and he had to be taken indoors and given an ice cube.

 

TinyToy slept most of the time, but suddenly woke with a start, sat bold upright and started rattling off jokes about fish:

❝ What is an eel’s favourite dance?

The conger

Two  parrots are sitting on a perch, and one says to the other
"Can you smell fish?"

What do you call a fish without an eye?

A fsh

Why didn’t the prawn share his toys?

He was a little shellfish

What fish is a serial killer?

Jack the Kipper

What do you call a man with a large flatfish on his head?

Ray ❞

Then he flopped back on the sand and resumed his snooze.

The two bees glanced at each other, silently mouthed the word 'heat-stroke' and carried the unconscious TT into the shade to cool down.

Following a liberal application of After-Sun and Royal Jelly, Polly said TT would be fine when he wakes up – although a bit sticky…

Ant Wars 2: BOAT TRIP

I will admit I had some misgivings when I first saw the Beach Hut Nërp had built, and the tons of sand all over the back garden, but I will freely admit it's providing a lot of play value for everyone.

Yesterday a massive parcel arrived from Amazon, and as usual everyone was very secretive about its contents – but for the rest of the day Byron and Wilson both looked exhausted and out-of-breath.

 

Now I see why – they must have been inflating this boat!

 

Because of Wilson's legendary dislike of water, he doesn't get to play in craft like this very often, but now he is giving all the children imaginary boat trips, re-enacting the time we all went out to see the Needles Lighthouse on the Isle of Wight.

 

The re-enactment was so realistic that Wilson required several doses of Gordon's London Dry Seasickness Cure And Tonic With Ice And Lemon…

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