I’ve just had the most extraordinary phone call from Wilson, asking whether I could lend him ‘a few thousand pounds’ as he’s come across a ‘unique business opportunity’.
He explained that he’d found a derelict Amusement Arcade – it wasn’t what he’d been looking for, but he says it’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance which is too good to pass up. Apparently it’s even got a few amusement machines left inside.
His plan is to buy the arcade, paint it up a bit then re-open it as a Family Business ‘for all of us’.
I can see only too clearly how this would pan out: I’d spend my entire life confined in the Change Kiosk while Wilson, Byron and all their friends played on the slots. For free.
Judging by the exterior, the most modern machine in there is probably Pac-Man… or possibly even Pong.
I’m afraid he’s going to have to miss this ‘unmissable’ opportunity after all…
Once Wilson’s ‘G-Team’ had completed their Graffiti Masterpiece (actually, I did think it was pretty cool) they wandered off to take a look around what I think of as Uckfield’s ‘Badlands’.
The first thing they noticed was that there were a lot of commercial premises lying vacant, which for some reason caused them some excitement.
Every town or village has an area where shoppers don’t visit and businesses don’t prosper, and Uckfield is no different.
It’s a shame, but once a couple of concerns fail, the rest soon follow suit and before long there’s a Ghost Town of deserted shops. I hope Wilson isn’t considering renting one of these abandoned and desolate properties!
While I have no idea what they might be planning, I DO know I probably won’t like it…
Wilson has headed off with what he has started calling his G-Team to what I can only describe as one of the less salubrious areas of the village, where he plans to immortalise two of his greatest musical heroes in spray paint – Peter Dawson and Bob Dylan.
I never thought I’d say this, but I’m relying on Nërp to keep the boys safe and out of trouble in Uckfield’s ‘Badlands’ – he can seem quite intimidating if you're unused to humanoid robots…
Wilson had just asked Byron to investigate the possibility of opening a “WILSON & BIRO” ice cream stand at the zoo when he noticed Uncle Zoltan on the bird table acting suspiciously.
W asked him what he was up to, and Uncle Z replied that he is now in what he calls ‘The Real Estate Game.’
‘You’ll never make a Million selling ice-cream!’ he mocked, ‘Property is the way forward! Ice cream? Pah – don’t make me laugh!’
In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Uncle Z laugh*. Or even smile, come to that.
Wilson is furious, but I think what outrages him the most is that he didn’t think of it first…
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* Oh, I tell a lie – there was the time Wilson got his head stuck in a megaphone and had to be driven to the hospital to have it removed. THAT made Uncle Z laugh…
Wilson and Byron spent most of the morning counting the profits from their Ice Cream Enterprise.
Total income amounts to £66.50 and Wilson has calculated that at this rate it will take him only 41 years to earn his first £Million.
That’s if he doesn’t split it with Byron (who did at least half the work) and runs his stall every day of the year, rather than lounging around daydreaming about his future…
I didn’t like to point out to him that he’d overlooked the initial cost of the ice-cream machine, ingredients, running costs etc – he doubtless thinks such expenses don’t count because he put them all (like everything else) on my VISA card.
Anyway, once the numbers were crunched W went out to relax in the garden and dream about his future as the head of a vast ice cream empire, while Byron poked around in search of any chocolate eggs which might have been overlooked in the Easter Egg Hunt a couple of weeks ago.
