07/02/2015

Open University

Yesterday's Snow Day involved a lot less hardship than the term usually implies — everyone sat round in the living room playing pANTS!, watching Daytime TV, eating and drinking. In Wilson's case, specially drinking.

Several of W's friends have pointed out that he is actually too young to buy (and consume) wines and spirits. I mentioned this to him and he told me not to worry about it because he has a fake ID. He also said that his Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, has always been a great gin enthusiast, and he'd been drinking it since he was a tiny pup.

'Anyway,' he added, 'Checkout operators are rubbish at estimating the age of anteaters — I just say grown-up things when I'm near them!'

After dozing off in front of an Open University broadcast, W told me that he's had a BRILLIANT idea. I'm afraid my heart always sinks a little when I hear this, because I know it will cause trouble. 

Anyway, it's keeping him quiet today: he's cut off a length of my Colorama background paper and he's ruling it up into squares, to what end I know not…


06/02/2015

SNOW DAY

Today dawned cold but sunny, with blue skies… and a total lack of snow. 

There was a slightly awkward atmosphere over breakfast as the bees eyed all Wilson's emergency stocks on the work top. They both shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot for a minute, nudging each other, before Polly finally said, 'So… no snow after all! My premonition was probably a touch of rheumatism.'

'Rheumatism…' Billi echoed. 'We're martyrs to it. Both of us.'

Wilson cut them off, cheerfully assuring both bees that it was an honest mistake, and pointing out that if we did have any snow later on, at least we were well ready for it.

'Anyway,' he declared, 'since we were all prepared to be snowed-in today I don't think we should waste it. I therefore declare today to be a Snow Day!'

This was received with cheering!


05/02/2015

Stockpiling

The bees arrived during breakfast, grim-faced, and announced that snow was on the way. 

I glanced outside at the clear blue sky and asked them how sure they were. 

'We can feel it in our tegulae,' they replied in unison. 'That's a  sure sign,' Polly added, 'So we're certain!'

'The thing is,' Billi began, 'if we get snowed in until next month we won't have enough honey to do our Blog Recipe, so we were wondering whether Wilson could pop into the village and buy us a couple of kilo jars?'

Wilson was already looking alarmed at the thought of being without supplies for almost a month and was out the door before I could stop him.

'I'll just buy the essentials!' he called back to me as he left the house.

Now we have sufficient honey to survive being cut off for many months. 

Also ample Cheesy Wotsits. 

And Wine. 

And Gin. 

All the 'essentials' in fact...


04/02/2015

Game Theory

When the cards were dealt into two piles, Wilson turned his top card and placed it face-up on the table. He nodded to me, so I did the same. Both cards bore an identical picture of an ant, and I automatically started to shout, 'Sna…' before W silenced me with a look.

'That's the difference between Snap! and pANTS! you see, New Dad — if the cards are the same, you say nothing.'

We continued to take turns placing the cards on the table until W suddenly shouted, 'pANTS!' so loudly and unexpectedly that I dropped the rest of my cards.

'When the two top cards are different,' he explained, scooping up all the cards in play, 'That's when you call!'

'Both cards look the same to me!' I protested. 

'Ahhh,' he replied, 'That's because you don't really know ants like I do!' He indicated a minute difference in the abdomens of each ant. 'Pavement ant… Argentine ant. Very similar, to a beginner. I win!'

He turned another card, and the game continued…


03/02/2015

Presentation time

Messages of support for Wilson's and for the bees' Blogs have been arriving in about equal quantities, so everyone is quite happy and the atmosphere in the house has lifted perceptibly.

Today is the day Wilson has planned to make a presentation to me about his new pANTS! card game. He sat me down in the kitchen and showed me a dummy of the box, then produced a deck of cards. 

I turned over the top card and wasn't surprised to see a picture of an ant on it.
'Okay,' I asked him, 'how do you play this game that's "Taking the world by storm"?'

He started to deal the cards...



02/02/2015

Troubled times...

Since the bees posted their first Blog yesterday, an air of unease has descended on the house; the angst is almost palpable!

Polly and Billi are afraid their blog might not have been popular and no-one is interested in what bees have to say. 

Wilson, on the other hand, is fearful that readers might be more interested in the bees' affairs and opinions than in his own!

The are all sitting silently in the living room constantly checking their readership numbers and feedback. 

If you have anything positive to say either to the bees or W, I know they'd appreciate it!


01/02/2015

Welcome to The Bees First Blog!

It's the first of the month so the bees, Polly and Billi, have joined me in the kitchen to write their first proper blog! Neither of them is very good at typing, so they're going to dictate it to me and I shall Blog it for them. Here goes, then…

Hello! Hello! We are Polly and Billi, Wilson's bees, and this is our Blog!
Oh dear, perhaps we haven't thought this through properly, I don't know what to say… I know, we'll tell you some bee jokes. Bees have a wonderful sense of humour, we're well known for it!

Polly: What Bee is good for your health?
Billi: I don't know, what Bee is good for your health?
Polly: Vitamin Bee! 
[Giggling in unison]

But enough fun, we would like now to send a very serious message to you all now: Be Nice!
[Billi whispers: 'BEE nice!' there is a lot more giggling]

Anyway, next time we're going to give you some cookery tips and recipes, so you might want to buy some nice honey before then!

I've been Polly!

And I've been Billi!

And we'll see you again this time next month!

The regular Wonderful World of Wilson Blog will return tomorrow. With any luck!