21/03/2020

CHILDREN'S CLASSICS UPDATED

Now that Wilson's Art Gallery has been forced into temporary closure, the whole household is in a state of Self Isolation.

In an effort to avoid Cabin Fever Wilson is busy thinking, trying to come up with a new money-making idea to tide him over financially until the gallery re-opens.
So far this is what he's come up with: 'updating' children's classic books.


This puts me strongly in mind of one of his previous literary projects where he simply changed the names of a few characters and re-issued classic novels under new titles…


I'm tempted to ask:

if these books are Timeless Classics, why do they need to be updated?
But I think I already know the answer: it's so that Wilson can make some money without having to do too much work…

The first of these Classics to undergo the Wilson Treatment is The Cat In The Hat.


I've never much cared for Doctor Seuss, but I'll tell you this: he'd better keep his paws off my personal favourite classic: Winnie-the-Pooh!



20/03/2020

SCHOOL STRIKE FOR CLIMATE

Ant Wars 2: SKOLSTREJK FÖR KLIMATET
 
For the duration of the Covid-19 emergency, SchoolStrike has moved on-line!



19/03/2020

GALLERY TEMPORARILY CLOSED

In view of the Government's recent prohibition on Large Gatherings, and in line with all other major public museums and galleries, Wilson feels he has no alternative but to temporarily close the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery.

I think he's being unnecessarily cautious, as even on its opening day there were very few visitors – just a couple of curious neighbours and a boy delivering leaflets who really only wanted shelter from the rain…


The Gallery will doubtless re-open the moment the Large Gatherings Ban is lifted, as Wilson is desperate to recoup his outlay on the conversion of the Museum into an Art Gallery.


As it happens, I fall into three of the High Risk Categories being instructed to self-isolate, so I'm extremely fortunate in having access to Wilson's personal robot Nërp who, as a non-biological being, is impervious to viruses. 


He complains incessantly when asked to actually do anything, but I'm sure he'll come up trumps if Wilson asks him to run any errands and so on…



17/03/2020

GALLERY MAKES FRONT PAGE NEWS

Over breakfast Wilson scanned the local paper anxiously in search of any mention of the opening of his Art Gallery – he didn't have far to look as it was the Front Page Story.

Unfortunately, Byron had innocently made an unguarded comment which the reporter (or Mendacious Hack, as Wilson pejoratively referred to him) had seized upon to portray the Gallery's employment policy in a negative light – less Family Business, more Den of Nepotism


Once he'd read the article he remarked that the Uckfield Observer had always had it in for him, ever since the time they accused him of sheep rustling.


'They'll take any Good News story, and twist it until it shows me in a bad light!' he complained, adding, 'On the plus side, though, at least they have spelled my name right for once.'



15/03/2020

PRESS COVERAGE

Once the Gallery doors had opened, Nërp was despatched to the newsagent's in the village to buy a copy of the Uckfield Examiner, as Wilson was very keen to see if the Vermilingua Contemporary Gallery would get a mention in the paper.

Nërp rushed back in a state of great excitement, brandishing the newspaper in the air and shouting that the story was actually on the front page


Unfortunately, Wilson was by this time too exhausted and 'emotionally drained' by the opening to even glance at it, and it was not until the next day that he had a chance to read and digest the article…