We arrived back at the hotel just as darkness began to fall. All the tables in the garden had little candles on them, and Wilson thought it would be lovely to sit outside in the cool evening air with our drinks.
I sent him off to choose a nice table while I ordered at the bar.
As he left, he remarked, 'I expect Dennis will be having a cocktail round about now, New Dad. Tonight, will you get me a Pimms Nº1 with lemonade — with extra cucumber and a little umbrella please!'
Wilson added that he could probably make me 'a bit urbane' too, although he thinks making me cool would be beyond even his skills. Nevertheless, he offered me 'Mates' Rates' if I wanted to enrol in his Finishing School and give it a try.
Once we reached Shanklin, he had me park in the village so he could pop back into the Rock Shop, as it seems that Antony and TT have finished off his supplies of rock and sweeties.
I know anteaters don't have any teeth, so there should be no dental problems from excessive candy consumption — I just hope they're proof against Type-2 Diabetes as well…
As we drove back to Shanklin, Wilson told me of his newly-formulated plan to open a Finishing School.
'Dennis gave me the idea, New Dad,' he explained, 'with his urbane mien and cool deportment. I would like to be urbane and cool myself, and I bet LOADS of other people would too, so there's a real Gap in the Market. As soon as I am urbane and cool, I shall fill that Gap!'
I hope that doesn't mean hordes of ill-behaved animals coming to the house… Still, I'm pleased that Wilson wants to improve himself — it will do wonders for his prospects when he grows up!
And I don't really mind coming second to an anteater in a zoo as a role model — it helps to keep me in my place...
Once we reached the Gift Shop, Wilson considered buying a souvenir toy anteater. I think he really wanted to, but eventually decided against it, thinking Antony's feelings might be hurt by a newcomer usurping his place as Largest Toy Anteater.
As we ate our cakes, Wilson was all, 'Dennis this… Dennis that… what Dennis thinks is…!'
Apparently Dennis serves only Lapsang Souchong, which Wilson thinks is way cooler than Happy Shopper, and thinks he might start serving Lapsang Souchong too when we get home... from a teapot, no less!
He also remarked on the size of Dennis's nose. I told him not to feel inadequate, but W says he's always felt embarrassed about the size of his own nose, and was happy to know someone with an even bigger sniffer who nevertheless still felt able to act cool and urbane!
As we were leaving W spotted one of the shop assistants taking a toy anteater — the very same one he'd nearly bought — out into the sunshine and giving her a Diet Coke. Now he knows that they are well cared for at the shop, he feels much better about leaving her there.
I begged Wilson not to, but he scaled the wall into the Giant Anteater's enclosure, jumped down on the other side… and waited.
In the tense silence, the revving of a distant motorbike engine seemed unnaturally loud.
Eventually we heard something pushing through the dry grasses and the Giant Anteater appeared. Up close, standing next to Wilson, he looked enormous! He strode straight up to W… and introduced himself, saying, 'Hello old chap, I'm Dennis — delighted to meet you!'
Wilson introduced himself. They briefly rubbed noses before Dennis offered to show him round what he referred to as his 'Estate' and they strolled off together.
After a few minutes they passed me again, still deep in conversation; then I noticed them going in to Dennis's little house.
Half an hour later they emerged and said their goodbyes. Wilson climbed out of the compound and we left.
'Well?' I asked, 'How did you get on?'
'What a Dude!' W replied. 'He's way cool! I think I've got a role-model now for when I date ladies, 'cos he's well smooth!'
After consulting W's map of the zoo we made our way to the Gift Shop.
As we walked along, I noticed that he was avoiding stepping on the cracks in the path.
Leaving the Anteater House we made our way to see the Giant Anteater who, unlike the Tamanduas, lived outside.
Wilson's Mum, Mrs Vermilingua, had always told him to keep away from Giant Anteaters, but he thinks that was just because she thought they'd beat him up and steal his ants. With this one living in an enclosure, W figured he'd be okay, and that it would be rude not to even say Hello.
As we followed Wilson's little Zoo Map, he remarked that he thought he might try being nocturnal himself and staying up all night himself. I pointed out that when we went out, everywhere would be closed... and that Overnight TV is even worse than Daytime TV.
W then told me that having a girlfriend who spoke no English AND WASHED was totally out of the question. The relationship would be doomed even if the aggressively protective Barios had let him see her.
'Think about it,' he said, 'I'd have to take that armadillo on our honeymoon with us just so I knew what she was talking about!'
Wilson then asked Barios the anteater if he lived there alone, but the armadillo, whose name was Eduardo, didn't bother translating the question, simply telling W, 'There's just him and his girlfriend.'
''What is your girlfriend's name?' W called, and the armadillo transliterated the anteater's angry reply, 'Barios, he say, "Why you want to know this? She is washing her fur now, and she KEEP ON washing her fur until you gone."'
W said that he'd just have liked to meet her while he was here, and Eduardo translated the shouted reply, 'He say his girlfriend is mucho faithful and the y be getting married as soon as her family can get Entry Visas for wedding.'
Eduardo then announced that he didn't wish to become any further involved in this awkward conversation, curled up and went to sleep.
I wish I could get off to sleep as easily as that — perhaps I should try curling up into a ball...
