This morning I was awoken unconscionably early by sounds of shouting over the noise of a fork-lift truck maneuvering a huge wooden packing case out of a delivery van.
Wilson was 'supervising' the operation, attempting to get the fork-lift and the crate through the gate and into the back garden – the gate was clearly narrower than the fork-lift, but W was 'pretty sure' it could be done with 'minimal damage' to the gate.
By the time I'd dressed and arrived on the scene, the fork-lift driver had convinced Wilson that this was 'Mission Impossible, mate! Just sign for it, will you?' and W had agreed that he and I would carry the crate through between us.
I refused point-blank to do this until I'd at least had some coffee, and Wilson grudgingly agreed... although he won't tell me what's in the crate. He says it would 'spoil the surprise!'
I think it's more likely I'd refuse to allow it on the premises – whatever it is – but time will tell...
Wilson has brought out his Dymo Labelling Machine and re-visited the Blue Plaque on our house, adding 'Inventor of the V-Coin' to his growing list of achievements.
At the moment he's standing outside the front door drawing everyone's attention to the plaque, then trying (unsuccessfully so far) to sell them a V-Coin.
So far he has failed to convince:
• The Dustmen,
• An Amazon Delivery Driver,
• The Window Cleaner,
• The men who cut our neighbours' grass
• A (very rude) man selling Double Glazing and
• Two Jehova's Witnesses.
Actually, it looked as though the Jehova's Witnesses were beginning to weaken in the face of his relentless sales pitch, but at the last minute they left without making a purchase. I think W's trying to convert them to Pastafarianism might have caused some offence.
IN OTHER NEWS, Wilson is VERY excited to have so many New Friends in:
🇵🇱 Poland,
🇺🇦 Ukraine,
🇺🇸 USA,
🇩🇪 Germany,
🇦🇪 United Arab Emirates,
🇹🇷 Turkey,
🇧🇪 Belgium,
🇫🇷 France and
🇰🇷 South Korea!
WELCOME TO YOU ALL, and please tell your friends!
Sales of V-Coins have been... well, disappointing.
Wilson's Projected Sales Figures suggested that by now he should have sold around 500 V-coins, but in fact total sales to date are in single figures.
Actually, the singlest figure there is: ONE. I felt sorry for him, so I bought one of his coins – it's not much, but W is quite pleased with the crisp new £10 note.
As for the Forecasting Faux Pas, he is blaming 'Computer Error' – I have always thought this was a euphemism for 'Operator Error', although I'm not an expert in these matters.
He told me that all I need to do now is put my framed photograph of a V-Coin somewhere safe, then sit back and wait for my V-Coin Holding to soar in value... and if it doesn't, I can always take my length of 'BlockChain' down to the Scrap Metal merchants on the Industrial Estate and convert it into hard, non-virtual cash.
He's putting a brave face on things – he says that it's still early days and he expects sales to pick up shortly.
__________________
Attention members of the WILSON VERMILINGUA APPRECIATION SOCIETY: I shall be asking you all an important question later, concerning the future of the Society. Please check the GROUP PAGE to see what this is all about!
Yesterday Wilson returned from the Hardware Store with some immensely strong chain and a length of thick rope.
He told me that they didn't have any BlockChain as such, but the assistant had recommended this steel chain as the next best thing, and he'd bought the rope just to be on the safe side – and because it smelled nice. He said he would be calling it BlockRope™®.
This morning he gathered everyone in the dining room for an pronouncement which would, he said, 'Totally banish Blue Monday'!
He handed out some Party Poppers and announced: 'I now declare the V-Coin well and truly launched!'
He nodded his head and (almost) everyone pulled their Party Popper strings and cheered.
TT – startled by the sudden noise – burst into tears and had to be taken outside by Polly.
Wilson cleared his throat and appealed for quiet, then declared that he was making an ICO*, or Initial Coin Offering whereby he will make available 100,000 V-Coins for just £10 (US$13.72 or €11.24) each.
Investors will receive:
• a framed image of a V-Coin
• a short length of BlockChain and
• a piece of BlockRope™®
in exchange for which Wilson will (eventually) receive £1M...
*I don't really know what ICO means, but Google confirms it is a thing.
Over breakfast, Wilson tried to convince me that Virtual Currencies are the way forward – apparently even failed photo giant KODAK is launching one, called the KodakCoin.
'In a year or two,' he said, 'you won't have old-fashioned, germ-ridden "real" money rubbing a hole in your pocket, or even easy-to-hack or -clone credit cards – you'll be using safe, clean and weightless E-Coins! My job is to ensure you're not using BitCoins or KodakCoins or some other inferior, fly-by-night upstart: you will be using V-Coins!'
He went on to (try to) explain to me how virtual currencies are protected against theft and fraud by something called the BlockChain – he was very earnest, and did sound as though he knew what he was talking about, but I'm afraid it all went way over my head.
(But please don't tell him this – I don't want him thinking I'm some kind of Luddite dummy.)
Anyway, he's just popped round to Green's DIY Hardware Store in the village to buy a length of BlockChain to secure his V-Coins in advance of his Official V-Coin Launch tomorrow...
