Bryan Ferry

Wilson has raided my underwear drawer and is ironing my socks to package and sell as Oddsies! He has graciously allowed me to retain one (odd) pair for wearing, which I shall have to wash and dry overnight.

Out of the blue, he asked me whether sTony reminds me of Rock SuperGod Bryan Ferry. I told him that they both have good teeth and a nice (if a little predatory) smile, but there the similarity ended. 

I think if W is contemplating getting sTony work as a Bryan Ferry look-alike he might be hampered by his lack of a body. Among other things.

Financial decline...

There is no shortage of Charity Shops in Uckfield, but Wilson said I would be surprised how few socks they have in stock — even odd ones! 

I didn't tell him this, but actually I'm not at all surprised — I wouldn't have expected second-hand socks to be a big seller at any price, even for charity.

On his return from the village (once again sock-less) Wilson mentioned that he'd noticed a lot of empty commercial premises — 'Yet another symptom' he said, 'of our financial decline.' 

Statements like this are uncharacteristic of W — I hope he's not considering a career in financial forecasting. Not with his track record of failed business enterprises...

Still missing one vital ingredient...

The Oddsies! packaging arrived this morning, so now we have crates of wrappers and boxes for Wilson to sell his Oddsies! socks in... and a load of advertising in place… but but no Oddsies! and no means of buying any. 

Also, we'll be spending the rest of this month eating mostly ants. 

After stacking all the boxes in the kitchen, Wilson made another foray into the village in search of socks from the local charity shops. 

Road Safety Campaign

Wilson found disappointingly few pre-owned socks at the charity shops yesterday — all he came home with was a bee fridge magnet ('To remind me of Polly' he told me, morosely) and a pack of cable ties. 

This morning I discovered that all the lamp posts near our house have had warning signs cable-tied to them. Naturally, I asked Wilson whether he know anything about it. 

'Oh yes!' he admitted, breezily, 'They're part of my Road Safety Campaign. I found it quite difficult crossing the main road in the village yesterday, so I thought some Anteater Awareness posters would be beneficial to everyone.'

Princess Tracey has left to found a dynasty

Wilson went round to the Folly this morning to change Tracey's flowers and see whether she survived last night's Meteor Shower, but he couldn't find her. Apparently she left a note with the mother earwig, explaining her absence. 

The note allegedly reads: 'Princess Tracey Bee the 1st has left to become a queen and found her own colony. It is her destiny. She wishes all her subjects well, especially Wilson Vermilingua OBE for his kindness and provision of flowers; but not the earwigs, who crassly invaded her majesty's palace and kept her up all night with their raucous and cacophonous music.' 

I should point out that I haven't seen the note myself, I'm just going on what Wilson has told me. I didn't even know that bees could write, let alone spell words like 'cacophonous'!

W gave the flowers he'd brought for Tracey to the mother earwig. She was very grateful, saying that they would feed her family for days.

The earwigs have now taken over the whole house and sub-let rooms to their friends and relatives.

There was no honey in the jar.

Perseid Meteor Show

Wilson has gone into the village to do the rounds of the Charity Shops. He hopes to buy up their entire stock of pre-owned socks to re-package and sell as Oddsies! 

I have warned him that he'll have to be very selective in what he buys, and also that he'll need to wash and iron the socks to make them look brand new, if he is to have any hope of selling them. 

The Perseid Meteor Shower is due to peak this evening, and Wilson has warned me that he'll be spending tonight in his Asteroid Shelter. I shall have to prepare my own meals, and he's asked me to feed Antony and Tiny Toy too, as there's no room for them in the Shelter. 

Or me, obviously.

Wilson explains the REAL problem...

Wilson blamed our current precarious financial state on the unexpectedly high costs of the Oddsies! launch — the logo design, the packaging, the advertising and so on — and admitted that there was now no money for food.

'That's not the real problem though,' he explained. 'We can live on the food we've already got in the freezer, as long as you don't mind eating more ants than you're used to, New Dad. The real problem is, I can't afford to buy any socks!

'If I can't buy any socks,' he continued, 'I can't sell any Oddsies! and we can't get our money back! Instead of being rich, we'll be poor… That's exactly what I didn't want.'