29/06/2019

ANT AIR FRESHENER

Coming downstairs today, I was met with the terrible stench of formaldehyde – every room smelled like a Funeral Home, or a Taxidermist's Workroom!

'Wilson!' I shouted, 'what is that @#$%&* smell?'


'New Dad!' he called back, 'I am shocked by your intemperate language – and in front of young Biro, too!'


His voice had come from the living room, so I went in to see what was going on… and soon located the source of the noxious miasma: both boys were admiring what purported to be an Air Freshener – although it would be fairer to describe it as an Air Polluter.


Wilson spoke first, saying, 'What do you think, New Dad? It's the first prototype of our Ant-Flavour Air Freshener!'


'I think it stinks!' I replied.


'You don't like the concept?' he asked, 'Air Fresheners are very popular, and luxury fragrances command premium prices!'


'No,' I replied, 'what stinks is the smell – what on earth is it?'


'Byron tentatively informed me that it was called 'Eau d'Formol', adding, 'It's the smell ants give off when they think they're about to be eaten…'



28/06/2019

SUMMER TREAT

In Europe, and particularly here in Uckfield, the weather is hot.

Hot, not in a good way but in an airless, sultry, sticky, clammy, stifling, humid and muggy way that renders sleep almost impossible.


Wilson and Byron, originally from Costa Rica, could normally be relied on to take this sort of weather in their stride – but even they are finding it a bit oppressive.


When I came down to breakfast this morning I was very pleased to be offered a home made Ice Lolly .


I gratefully accepted the proffered icy treat and was about to suck on it, when I noticed a lot of, well, little black things frozen into the ice.


'Are these little black specks what I think they are?' I enquired.


Wilson replied, 'That rather depends on what you think they are – if you think they're ants, then you're correct!'


Byron nodded enthusiastically – but to their surprise and disappointment, I returned the unsucked lolly to the freezer.


'Are you sure you won't have one?' Byron asked, 'They're very refreshing, and there's a bit of Gin in them!'


Wilson agreed, adding that 'Frozen Ants are The Way Forward, and Biro and me are going into mass production.'


I suppose that means I shall have to empty the freezer of all the non-ant-based food that's taking up unnecessary space…
—————
I was reminded today of one of Wilson's other publishing successes, The Big Book Of Free Stuff. Do take a look, it's very good:

https://issuu.com/home/published/big_book_of_free_stuff_4issuu

26/06/2019

WILSON'S WONDERFUL CALENDAR

What with everything that's been going on, I'm quite surprised that Wilson has got this ready in time: the July/September page of your Free 2019 Calendar Partwork!

With the excitement of Byron publishing his new book, I'm aware that Wilson's nose might be a bit pushed out of joint – Sibling Rivalry can be a terrible thing – therefore I'm taking the opportunity to remind you of some of his past Publishing Triumphs (ie the books that have made it past the Title and the Front Cover Design stage) starting today with ANTEATERS IN SPACE:

Wilson's "ANTEATERS IN SPACE" book

24/06/2019

BYRON HAS WRITTEN A BOOK!

Nërp is considering leaving what he calls his 'Life of Domestic Servitude and Drudgery' to strike out as a full-time artist – possibly in Montmartre…

But while he's pondering that, Byron has finished and published a book! 


I didn't even known he was working on a book – what a dark horse he is…


Anyway, it's a book about Understanding Conceptual Art, which he's written following our visit to The Turner Contemporary Gallery in Margate to see the Katie Paterson show, A place that exists only in moonlight.


Here you can see a picture of the book (I think it must be printed on very thick paper, because it's not quite as long as this photo makes it look!) and you can read it for yourself here:

Byron's Book Link
He's a very clever lad, I think you'll agree!


23/06/2019

FRAMED

In the words of Mark Twain*, 'I don't know much about art, but I know what I hate!', and I really don't hate Nerp's painting of Wilson in the garden!

I think it's much better than anything painting robot Ai-Da has done, and I'm going to frame it and hang it in the living room.


Wilson's interest was piqued when he learned that one of Ai-Da's paintings has sold for £1Millionexactly the sum needed by W to keep the promise he made to his Mum, Mrs V – although Nërp says that if he sells his painting, the proceeds will go to the Home For Retired Robots.


It still looks to me as though Wilson is asleep rather than thinking, although I will concede that his eyes are open.


Of course, that could just be Nërp using some 'artistic licence' in his interpretation…
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*Sir Max Beerbohm, Monty Python and Homer Simpson have all said this, but it is not known who said it first.